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Enemies, But Friends

#1   Neo 

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    Posted 19 June 2004 - 03:30 PM

    Chapter 1; splitting up

    ‘We are walking for 2 days now Felix, when will we reach Prox?’
    Felix, Isaac, Piers and Garet walked along a river, heading to Prox. Their Boat hit the rocks, and since then they walked. Garet was very tired, since he has quite a bad condition. He got behind all the time, which slowed the others down.
    ‘Come on, Garet. Be patient, like we are. We are – just like you – tired of walking, and are badly in need of some rest. So stop complaining and keep walking.’ Piers loudly said. He started to get a little frustrated.
    ‘Don’t talk like that to Garet, Piers. You know our condition is better then his, so he has more trouble walking so long.’ Isaac replied.
    ‘then leave him here, so we can hurry up.’ Felix mentioned.
    Looking at eachother, Piers and Felix stared angry at Isaac and Garet, who were doing the same against Felix and Piers.
    ‘Just, just stop this,’ Isaac yelled. ‘We are acting like we are eachothers enemies. But we aren’t, we are friends.’
    ‘Nice friends,’ Garet continued. ‘Friends care about eachother.’
    ‘Friends do indeed, so we don’t have to care about you, do we?’ Felix laughed.
    Now Garet became quite angry.
    ‘What?’ He screamed. ‘Then why are we a group? Fighting side to side!’
    ‘Maybe it is a good plan to don’t do that anymore!’ Piers became angry too now.
    ‘I’m sick of this!’ Isaac, yelled. He jumped back, and mumbled something. Piers and Felix looked up, giant Spheres were falling down. Felix acted quick, and grabbed Piers, then jumped away.
    ‘Now it’s my turn!’ Felix said. Followed by Piers: ‘together with me!’
    Felix took out his Sol Blade, and jumped towards Isaac. A great ball of fire was unleashed from his sword. Piers took out Excalibur, and attacked Garet. Also with an Unleash. But just before both attackes arrived, a huge explosion takes place, and blows away all four.
    ‘What was that?’ Isaac said.
    But the answer didn’t came, and so the groups decided that they would split up, but both went to Prox. So there was a good change they would meet eachother there. Isaac and Garet would probably needed some more time, but finally they would reach it. And a next fight could occur again.

    #2   Izar 

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      Posted 22 June 2004 - 05:01 PM

      Aren't chapters much longer than this? Still good though.

      #3   Neo 

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        Posted 23 June 2004 - 01:02 AM

        the next part will be a lot longer, I promise :P

        #4   catastrophe 

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          Posted 24 June 2004 - 11:07 AM

          i don't blame you. it takes awile to write somthing/type(depending on your speed)but keep it up.

          #5   Platinum Sun 

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            Posted 24 June 2004 - 11:35 AM

            Wow; cool story, usually I have to like... buy a book or something to get a story like that.

            #6   kingofthedead 

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              Posted 24 June 2004 - 03:56 PM

              Why are u righting a fake golden sun story? :P i laugh at your pathetic attempts to get "cool"

              #7   MysticWarrior 

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                Posted 24 June 2004 - 04:13 PM

                I also laugh at your pathetic attempts to understand "Fan Fiction". :P

                #8   Blade Lord Lyn 

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                  Posted 24 June 2004 - 06:14 PM

                  Very angsty . .. I like it. Keep writing, and make chapters longer.

                  #9   Neo 

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                    Posted 26 June 2004 - 03:21 AM

                    kingofthedead, on Jun 24 2004, 10:56 PM, said:

                    Why are u righting a fake golden sun story? :lol: i laugh at your pathetic attempts to get "cool"

                    then don't read it! :angry:

                    #10   Izar 

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                      Posted 28 June 2004 - 01:22 AM

                      Yes, if you don't like it, don't read it. I like it though. It's good.

                      #11   Issac_Zero2 

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                        Posted 29 June 2004 - 11:20 AM

                        Yeah...Its a nice fanfic...And its not too short...
                        What happened to your other story, NG?

                        #12   Golden Legacy 

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                          Posted 29 June 2004 - 11:53 PM

                          Great, Neo! It is very angsty... it has great potential too. I can't wait for the next chapters (and don't worry, it wasn't short)


                          Go for it :P :huh:

                          #13   Neo 

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                            Posted 30 June 2004 - 04:22 AM

                            thanks :P

                            IZ2, the other stories dissapeared from my computer, very strange, but it happened. that's why I started a new one.

                            #14   Neo 

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                              Posted 04 July 2004 - 05:47 AM

                              well, I started working on my new chapter today (while being on vacation, I was bored). and I'm hoping on finishing it today or in the next 2 days.
                              so stay tuned!

                              #15   xeroth_of_ice 

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                                Posted 15 July 2004 - 12:19 PM

                                Ok, first things first... You've got a good basic idea at what your doing... But you took that way to fast. If you think about, these guys had gone through tons and tons of perils together, and they just split up in less than one page worth... No offense, but you got to make it longer and have them slowly grow angry with each other till that special moment. What might even be better if they break up in Prox, then people witness this split up. I don't mean to tear apart your story, but you need just a bit more time imbetween these parts... Also another good thing to describe is their surroundings (the setting), grass, forest, mountain, dessert, those type of things. You can leave in all that text, even add in more, but put in what their thinking, where Garets wound is, how he got it. Describe more of how the ship got destroyed. And when they fight, whenever you do it, make it more intense and meaningful, when I read that, it didn't seem so big... And that should be.

                                And another question, what happened to the ladies? I like the plot, it's awsome, and I think it would be good, so keep at it!

                                #16   Neo 

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                                  Posted 28 July 2004 - 10:12 AM

                                  I won't talk about that ladies, that will ruin the suprise ;)

                                  #17   Lightning Star 

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                                    Posted 05 August 2004 - 04:25 PM

                                    Quote

                                    i laugh at your pathetic attempts to get "cool"

                                    Quote

                                    I also laugh at your pathetic attempts to understand "Fan Fiction".


                                    grrr...don't listen to them...the only reason they're saying that is because they don't know how to write fanfiction. I thought it was great. so what, fanfiction doesn't have to be lengthy, it doesn't have to be anything except fanfiction. (and make sence, but don't worry, it makes perfect sence to me) keep up the good work

                                    p.s. very good advise for SOME people: if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all ^_^


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