Passing on a story I was told tonight by a buddy. It's long, and not even necessarily funny, but it kept me interested. It was told over MSN so it may be a little loose, but whatevs. If you're uninterested or lose interest at any point in the story, then just fuck off. It'll send the message loud and clear.
David says:
Wow.
Well I just got home.
Mallick says:
?
David says:
I ever tell you about this lady I know named Greem Jellyfish?
Mallick says:
No.
David says:
Well, she's a lady I knew from the philosophy club
Never really got to talk to her
One day we bump into each other again, she asks me if I can help her with her ethics assignments
She finds out I play bass, she invites me over to hang out and help with the essay
Long story short that day I concluded she's the weirdest fucking person I know
Anyway, just met up with her again today
David says:
So Greem called me at midnight, asked me if I wanted to hang out with her.
I meet her, 10 minute walk.
Union Square, crowded place regardless of the time.
Greem: "Do you want to see an unfortune teller?"
Me: "A fortune teller?..."
Greem: "No, an unfortune teller"
Me: "Uh.....what's that?..."
Me: "Is that someone who tells you the bad things that will happen to you?"
Greem: "No no its not unfortunate, its un-fortune"
Me: "So....they do....?"
Greem: "There are things in life that happen to you because you are fortunate, but they tell you the other things that happen to you"
*her friend Diane also tries to explain*
Me: Right...
Greem: Its only a dollar, we're going to go.
Me: Sure, why not.
Thinking to myself: God dammit. God dammit, we're going to do drugs. Fucking hell why did I leave the house.
Well then her and her friend hopped on their bikes, and I jogged-a-fucking-long
They didn't say much the whole time.
Finally after about 20 minutes, we get to a psychic palm reader.
She knocks on the door, lady says the palm readings are $10 and she says she doesn't want a palm reading, she wants her unfortune told
Mallick says:
Keep going. This is relevent to my interests.
David says:
The psychic gets confused, explains to her what a palm reading is and what the meaning of it is
Greem says she's been crying a lot and she thinks there's something wrong with her hair, so she wants her hair read
David says:
The psychic says she's shit out of luck, and tells her that a palm reading will tell her all about her life anyway
Greem says she doesn't want to know about when she's going to die
The psychic says I'm sorry but whatever information comes out comes out comes out
David says:
Greem asks if she should tell the psychic what she's like, and the psychic says its better if she knows nothing about Greem in advance
(this will probably get better)
To put things into context some more
She's Korean, english isn't her primary language, her writing is from another dimension and no linguist could decipher it, and she's blond
Anywho, continuing
Mallick says:
Please do. Also does she have a fake tan?
David says:
Greem says she's scared to get a palm reading
No, she's pale
She asks the psychic how she knows these things about her
The psychic says well...because she's psychic
Greem gets confused and asks why she has powers
Oh right, some more context
I'm trying not to burst out into fucking laughter the whole time because I'm afraid of offending either of them
Psychic says its something that's run through her family for hundreds of years
Tells her to come back later when she's sure that this is what she wants
Greem says okay
Door closes
Greem says her chest hurts
From acting
I say
...Wait...you were fucking acting the whole time?
And she says yes
>myface [shocked emote]
Me: You.....are fucking brilliant.
Greem: Why?
Me: ....Nothing.
So this lady
Calls me at midnight
TO meet up with her
I walk 15 minutes to get to her
Then we walk 20 minutes so I can go fuck knows where
So we can prank a fortune teller
What
the
fuck.
Well when you put into context that I swore she had an IQ of about 70 since I met her
It really meant a lot when she said she was bullshitting the whole time
Mallick says:
You don't know that
>her writing is alien
>nobody can decipher it
Do you really think she's trolling her superiors? One must assume she's paying for this education?
David says:
Shrug.
Mallick says:
ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT [coolface.jpg emote]
Report back after each visit sir <3
David says:
Welp, then we start heading into another part of NYC I've never been to
Then she suddenly asks if I want to go to the pool
I ask her if she means billiards, and she says no.....a pool
She claims the place has a nice bathroom too, her friend also gets excited about the bathroom
Thinking to myself: Okay, so NOW they're going to do drugs.
We get to this building with huge doors and two bouncers
She tells me to act cool
Then changes her mind and tells me to just not say anything
(fine by me)
Bouncer asks who she's here to see
She replies Alex, with the gray hair
We get in
First thing I hear when I get in
"You've got a gun there? You've got a fucking gun at the counter pointed at me? Wow."
Thinking to myself: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
So, quickly walked past that through the black hallways
Suddenly in elevator
Elevator guy presses 19
Talks to Greem, couldn't really hear what they said
Suddenly sound of distant music
Starts getting louder, louder, louder
Elevator doors open, When Doves Cry is blasting
Mallick says:
The Prince song? [if you're still reading this, congrats. if you don't know the song here's a link
David says:
Yes
Enter, bunch of hipsters getting drunk and dancing, triangle shaped hot tub with naked folks in it, disco ball over it
Place was definitely in the tens of millions, money wise
They go to bathroom
I'm alone on a leather seat by the tub, not pleased
I've never been to a club before and never intended to, did not enjoy it
Waited about 15 minutes for them to come out the bathroom, assume their doing drugs again
(honestly I would have been relieved if she did drugs because that would have been a nice fucking explanation for how weird this night was)
She did not do drugs, but she did graffiti in the bathroom...yeah
Mallick says:
How are you sure she didn't do any sort of drugs? [raised eyebrow emote]
David says:
Her behavior didn't change, her nostrils didn't flare, her face didn't look red, nothing
Also she was shaking a can earlier and I had no idea what the fuck it was
And she did mention graffiti
She almost went in the tub but didn't, 5 minutes later they decide the place is lame, leave
Back in the elevator, greatest part of the evening
Her friend asks the elevator guy how his day was
He replies....
It had its ups and downs...
Me: Oh no you did not just fucking pull that card sir
Him: But at the end of the day, I always get the shaft
Me: .......Jesus christ.
Greem's friend: I didn't get that one
*he explains that its called an elevator shaft*
Me: *not sure if serious, but sigh anyway*
5 minutes later, we're outside
She asks if I had a good time today
I reply
It had its ups and downs
...She doesn't get it
(???)
Mallick says:
LOL
David says:
To quote Three Dog of Fallout 3
Hey, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
But yar, that's it
She gave me a rose and rode off on her bike
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Greem Jellyfish "Couldn't make this shit up if I tried"
#4
Posted 24 August 2010 - 10:12 AM
Yeah, I was in New York recently, I know how fucked/dumb people there can be. Should have told me you knew someone in New York... could've saved me getting ripped off at Washington Square Park.
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