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Greem Jellyfish "Couldn't make this shit up if I tried"

#1   Mallick 

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    • AKA Mallick/PDM/GDUB3000/Sir

    Posted 24 August 2010 - 03:52 AM

    Passing on a story I was told tonight by a buddy. It's long, and not even necessarily funny, but it kept me interested. It was told over MSN so it may be a little loose, but whatevs. If you're uninterested or lose interest at any point in the story, then just fuck off. It'll send the message loud and clear.

    David says:
    Wow.
    Well I just got home.

    Mallick says:
    ?

    David says:
    I ever tell you about this lady I know named Greem Jellyfish?

    Mallick says:
    No.

    David says:
    Well, she's a lady I knew from the philosophy club
    Never really got to talk to her
    One day we bump into each other again, she asks me if I can help her with her ethics assignments
    She finds out I play bass, she invites me over to hang out and help with the essay
    Long story short that day I concluded she's the weirdest fucking person I know
    Anyway, just met up with her again today

    David says:
    So Greem called me at midnight, asked me if I wanted to hang out with her.
    I meet her, 10 minute walk.
    Union Square, crowded place regardless of the time.
    Greem: "Do you want to see an unfortune teller?"
    Me: "A fortune teller?..."
    Greem: "No, an unfortune teller"
    Me: "Uh.....what's that?..."
    Me: "Is that someone who tells you the bad things that will happen to you?"
    Greem: "No no its not unfortunate, its un-fortune"
    Me: "So....they do....?"
    Greem: "There are things in life that happen to you because you are fortunate, but they tell you the other things that happen to you"
    *her friend Diane also tries to explain*
    Me: Right...
    Greem: Its only a dollar, we're going to go.
    Me: Sure, why not.
    Thinking to myself: God dammit. God dammit, we're going to do drugs. Fucking hell why did I leave the house.
    Well then her and her friend hopped on their bikes, and I jogged-a-fucking-long
    They didn't say much the whole time.
    Finally after about 20 minutes, we get to a psychic palm reader.
    She knocks on the door, lady says the palm readings are $10 and she says she doesn't want a palm reading, she wants her unfortune told

    Mallick says:
    Keep going. This is relevent to my interests.
    David says:
    The psychic gets confused, explains to her what a palm reading is and what the meaning of it is
    Greem says she's been crying a lot and she thinks there's something wrong with her hair, so she wants her hair read

    David says:
    The psychic says she's shit out of luck, and tells her that a palm reading will tell her all about her life anyway
    Greem says she doesn't want to know about when she's going to die
    The psychic says I'm sorry but whatever information comes out comes out comes out

    David says:
    Greem asks if she should tell the psychic what she's like, and the psychic says its better if she knows nothing about Greem in advance
    (this will probably get better)
    To put things into context some more
    She's Korean, english isn't her primary language, her writing is from another dimension and no linguist could decipher it, and she's blond
    Anywho, continuing

    Mallick says:
    Please do. Also does she have a fake tan?

    David says:
    Greem says she's scared to get a palm reading
    No, she's pale

    She asks the psychic how she knows these things about her
    The psychic says well...because she's psychic
    Greem gets confused and asks why she has powers
    Oh right, some more context
    I'm trying not to burst out into fucking laughter the whole time because I'm afraid of offending either of them
    Psychic says its something that's run through her family for hundreds of years
    Tells her to come back later when she's sure that this is what she wants
    Greem says okay

    Door closes
    Greem says her chest hurts
    From acting
    I say
    ...Wait...you were fucking acting the whole time?
    And she says yes
    >myface [shocked emote]
    Me: You.....are fucking brilliant.
    Greem: Why?
    Me: ....Nothing.
    So this lady
    Calls me at midnight
    TO meet up with her
    I walk 15 minutes to get to her
    Then we walk 20 minutes so I can go fuck knows where
    So we can prank a fortune teller
    What
    the
    fuck.
    Well when you put into context that I swore she had an IQ of about 70 since I met her
    It really meant a lot when she said she was bullshitting the whole time

    Mallick says:
    You don't know that
    >her writing is alien
    >nobody can decipher it
    Do you really think she's trolling her superiors? One must assume she's paying for this education?

    David says:
    Shrug.

    Mallick says:
    ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT [coolface.jpg emote]
    Report back after each visit sir <3

    David says:
    Welp, then we start heading into another part of NYC I've never been to
    Then she suddenly asks if I want to go to the pool
    I ask her if she means billiards, and she says no.....a pool
    She claims the place has a nice bathroom too, her friend also gets excited about the bathroom
    Thinking to myself: Okay, so NOW they're going to do drugs.
    We get to this building with huge doors and two bouncers
    She tells me to act cool
    Then changes her mind and tells me to just not say anything
    (fine by me)
    Bouncer asks who she's here to see
    She replies Alex, with the gray hair
    We get in
    First thing I hear when I get in
    "You've got a gun there? You've got a fucking gun at the counter pointed at me? Wow."
    Thinking to myself: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
    So, quickly walked past that through the black hallways
    Suddenly in elevator
    Elevator guy presses 19
    Talks to Greem, couldn't really hear what they said
    Suddenly sound of distant music
    Starts getting louder, louder, louder
    Elevator doors open, When Doves Cry is blasting

    Mallick says:
    The Prince song? [if you're still reading this, congrats. if you don't know the song here's a link

    David says:
    Yes
    Enter, bunch of hipsters getting drunk and dancing, triangle shaped hot tub with naked folks in it, disco ball over it
    Place was definitely in the tens of millions, money wise
    They go to bathroom
    I'm alone on a leather seat by the tub, not pleased
    I've never been to a club before and never intended to, did not enjoy it
    Waited about 15 minutes for them to come out the bathroom, assume their doing drugs again
    (honestly I would have been relieved if she did drugs because that would have been a nice fucking explanation for how weird this night was)
    She did not do drugs, but she did graffiti in the bathroom...yeah

    Mallick says:
    How are you sure she didn't do any sort of drugs? [raised eyebrow emote]

    David says:
    Her behavior didn't change, her nostrils didn't flare, her face didn't look red, nothing
    Also she was shaking a can earlier and I had no idea what the fuck it was
    And she did mention graffiti
    She almost went in the tub but didn't, 5 minutes later they decide the place is lame, leave
    Back in the elevator, greatest part of the evening
    Her friend asks the elevator guy how his day was
    He replies....
    It had its ups and downs...
    Me: Oh no you did not just fucking pull that card sir
    Him: But at the end of the day, I always get the shaft
    Me: .......Jesus christ.
    Greem's friend: I didn't get that one
    *he explains that its called an elevator shaft*
    Me: *not sure if serious, but sigh anyway*
    5 minutes later, we're outside
    She asks if I had a good time today
    I reply
    It had its ups and downs
    ...She doesn't get it
    (???)

    Mallick says:
    LOL

    David says:
    To quote Three Dog of Fallout 3
    Hey, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
    But yar, that's it
    She gave me a rose and rode off on her bike

    #2   ThankMeLater 

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      Posted 24 August 2010 - 09:49 AM

      lol, he had to have made that up

      #3   Mallick 

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        • AKA Mallick/PDM/GDUB3000/Sir

        Posted 24 August 2010 - 10:09 AM

        S'not his style.

        #4   ThankMeLater 

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          Posted 24 August 2010 - 10:12 AM

          Yeah, I was in New York recently, I know how fucked/dumb people there can be. Should have told me you knew someone in New York... could've saved me getting ripped off at Washington Square Park.


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