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A Poem... It has no name...but, I thought of it...

#1   Archimedes 

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    Posted 14 May 2005 - 04:14 AM

    Trees sway...
    the sun goes away.

    A bird hums...
    darkness comes.

    A lumberjack hacks...
    darkness attacks.

    Rabbits scurry...
    monsters hurry.

    A child plays...
    the nighthorse neighs.

    The two collides...
    nightime abides.


    I hope you understand the deeper metaphorical meaning of this poem. Sorry for the grammical mistake in the last stanza, but I had to put it there for rhyming reasons.

    #2   Izar 

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      Posted 14 May 2005 - 07:03 PM

      A bit misplaced, but good none the less. I like reading other's poems, most people here att GSS wont, they just look for visual art and fan fiction, but i'm here! :P I suggested putting it together. That stanza though, stands out. Try finding analogies for collides. Or, The two collide, and night will abide or something.

      By the way, my sister is getting a poem published, and can win $10,000!

      #3   Archimedes 

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        Posted 14 May 2005 - 08:10 PM

        Izar, on May 14 2005, 08:03 PM, said:

        A bit misplaced, but good none the less. I like reading other's poems, most people here att GSS wont, they just look for visual art and fan fiction, but i'm here! :P I suggested putting it together. That stanza though, stands out. Try finding analogies for collides. Or, The two collide, and night will abide or something.

        By the way, my sister is getting a poem published, and can win $10,000!



        Thanks. It's nice to know that there are people who will help terrible poets like me. He he. It's just...hard, since in Japanese poetry (which I'm used to) doesn't rhyme...it flows, more likely, like the subject...this is one of my fist attempts in about three years to make a good English poem. You can delete this topic if you don"t want to burn your eys because of my terrible poetry...and yes, don't cantradict me, I AM a terrible poet.

        #4   Izar 

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          Posted 15 May 2005 - 10:43 AM

          heh, not all THAT bad, you haven't seen bad till you see the kids in my English II class. :P Keep trying and I'm sure you'll get it.

          #5   Nemphtis 

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            Posted 18 May 2005 - 04:11 AM

            That was a random-ass poem.

            Still, at leas you managed to rhyme the words unlike MR's "I'm a bigass farmboy" poem. =] Nice.

            #6   lifeform287 

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              Posted 18 May 2005 - 07:46 PM

              Anubis, on May 18 2005, 03:11 AM, said:

              That was a random-ass poem.

              Still, at leas you managed to rhyme the words unlike MR's "I'm a bigass farmboy" poem. =] Nice.


              *sigh*

              Anubis, will you ever get off that....
              And please don't say: "No, but I'll get off ON it (rimshot)"

              Nice poem anywho. It ryhmes.
              The best I can up with is: 6X6=36. Yes, it is INCREDIBLY pathetic.

              #7   Mars Djinni 

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                Posted 20 May 2005 - 10:06 PM

                It gives me the impression of that nightmare scene in Ocarina of Time. It's a great poem, do more!


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