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Golden Wave something i thought of-please post

#1   blade 

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    Posted 23 July 2005 - 01:59 PM

    Okay along with the gs charaters i thought of new ones too

    Micheal class: Fire seer,age 17


    that is all for right now....
    Chapter 1


    Piers ducked behind a corner-avoiding proxians ...he had been back to the mars lighthouse he narrowly missed a proxian spear....."Freeze Prism" Piers yelled thus sending prisms over to the proxians.while they were getting hit he rushed over to the exit.
    Piers got on his ship to signal Mia.
    Mia:"did you get it?did you get it ?????
    Piers:yes...(panting,out of breath)...yes i got it.(takes out a star out of a bag)
    "the mercury bomb"...."part of the mercury's power"...
    Mia:excellent now we can regroup with the others....
    They sailed off to meet up with ivan,sheba,jenna,and isaac at Jupiter Lighthouse
    they started to scale it although since they were not wind adepts they couldn't get far...Piers started to try to climb up the pole...no luck....
    Mia started to sense fire psynergy...."piers, isn't it strange i am sensing fire psynergy in a wind lighthouse"
    Piers:(shuddering) "Please let it not be more proxians"
    Indeed fire warriors from prox showed up. Ever since the stone of sages formed proxians left for each of the lighthouses,batting anybody who appeared to search for it. Lucky for them there are only 5 of them
    Mia started the battle. she leaped in the air and came crashing down with cutting edge on the first one.
    Proxian solider 1: -_- dashed foward getting close enough for a searing beam
    and it narrowly missed mia and the solider hit the wall
    Proxian soldier 1: :P :o why you little---but before he could finish piers hit him with excailbur.
    Proxian 2 saw his chance and hit Piers with dragon Fume..." :) ... :P "
    Mia Started to cast freeze prism as dozens of hail poured on the proxians...' :lol: '
    Proxians teamed up and hit piers and mia with one huge searing beam...

    #2 Guest_texas67_*

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    Posted 23 July 2005 - 02:46 PM

    it is good
    you are a good storyteller
    keep it up
    :lol: :P :o -_-

    #3   blade 

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      Posted 23 July 2005 - 02:49 PM

      texas67, on Jul 23 2005, 03:46 PM, said:

      it is good
      you are a good storyteller
      keep it up
      :lol:  :P  :o  -_-

      uhhh please don't embaress me...just beacuse you are my sis doesn't give you thr right!!!!!!

      #4   Izar 

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        Posted 24 July 2005 - 07:28 PM

        Wow, more Texas people. *Sniff* glad.

        Nice, but it's still lacking some grammar, and some story points, but it's still ok.

        #5   blade 

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          Posted 29 July 2005 - 10:58 AM

          Izar, on Jul 24 2005, 08:28 PM, said:

          Wow, more Texas people. *Sniff* glad.

          Nice, but it's still lacking some grammar, and some story points, but it's still ok.

          gahh!!!!! Stupid grammar...

          #6   Eugine 

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            Posted 31 July 2005 - 08:13 AM

            Who is?

            Like Izar said, your story is very confusing, put more grammar into it.

            #7   gsninja 

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              Posted 02 August 2005 - 07:10 AM

              Well, I guess I could say add some more grammar to the story. It'd make it look better. Otherwise, the story is still pretty nice so far n.n

              #8   Simply_Dark 

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                Posted 02 August 2005 - 12:29 PM

                Yeah, I agree, and I have to add it tires my eyes reading a text structured like that. Write with more calm, more ponctuation (In where it misses, and less where it is unnecessary, you don't have to wirte statements varying from 3 to 60 words). Apart from that, the story isn't that bad, but if you made the presentation a little better, maybe you would make me see the story differently. And I'm not saying this with the intention of criticizing, but of encouraging. Keep up like that (The theorical part, not the adaptation)


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