[Nemphtis]

This is something I just wrote for a poetry thing, the theme was meant to be war and well it's no secret I'm not a professional poet but this was my quick shot at it. Gimme some feedback on how much it sucks and what parts I should change etc.

As the dust settles from what was once a war,
The word 'peace' is thrown around like some whore.

Bullets stop talking and words are now used,
But war will start when the world is once more confused.

Once more, they will fight, to become number one,
But they forget how lonely number one is to some.

The struggle for power will never stop,
Until more bombs begin to drop.

Even then a new struggle will be born,
A new ruler and a new crown to be worn.

So why do we keep repeating these mistakes,
Why not replace all this hate with handshakes.

People judge so quickly these days,
We must stop our childish ways.

So next time don't take all the abuse to heart,
But instead, be brave and of course be smart.

Okay, one of my buddies said I just scrap the last two verses. The rest is fine apparently. You guys think I should scrap the last two verses, because he says it's cheesy.

[Ravenblade]

To be honest i think you should keep them in - Its the climax of your poem, and if you wrote it then you should keep it. I dont think anyone has the right to tell you to leave bits out. If you wrote it for the sake of writing then keep the last two in. If you wrote it for other people then maybe listen to peoples opinions.

Anyway its a good poem, i like it. Sadly all true..

[Nemphtis]

It's for a competition so I think it's more for the people (because it's their votes that will count) rather than for my personal pleasure. I dunno, only one person told me to take them out so until anyone else wants me to take them out I'll leave them there since 1 persons opinion isn't enough of a reason for me to change it. :silence: