[Mysterious Adept]

I only just started writing poetry so i might not be good but who knows.
Here's one:

My Last Words

This problem goes very deep
As deep as it can go
Everything is breaking
Breaking apart.

These words may not be famous
they may not make sense
but I will Say them anyway
to get this off my chest

I say to all those who part
Would you break a family, bound by love?
Or would you kill your own brother
just to satisfy yourself

We are like a piece of string,
with every passing year
more and more of us are snipped off
leaving the rest of us with pain

I beg you, consider your choice
Think second thoughts
For one who doesn't think twice
will end up destroying us all

[Enjealousy]

You should post your work on deviantART. You get lots of nice critique there (if you ask people in the lit. community or me... I kinda quit the lit. community). Anyway, if you want some constructive crit. just ask me.

[Mysterious Adept]

Hmm never heard of it, but anyway what do you think??

[Enjealousy]

It isn't bad at all.

However, I think that with your four line stanzas you were really limiting yourself. Be more of a prosepoet and let yourself a little breathing room. You should work with this though, I like it.

[Mysterious Adept]

ty i will try to remember that :P

[Enjealousy]

Any time. And if you ever need any help feel free to ask me.

[Mysterious Adept]

Here's another one, one of my best i think :smile: lol but who knows

The Backstabbing Beast

Every Day was bright a beautiful.
Not a single worry, not a single care
Until the day it came.
It came with fierce anger,it came with a force
So strong that it engulfed a friend.

And what has become of this beast?
It lives on....Through the person that was once an ally
Has now betrayed me.
He has ripped away my life And he doesn't seem to care But one day, when the beast left him
He had a choice to make: Follow the beast's example Or Become the friend that I knew, And when he was finally ready, He cleared his voice and siad: Beast...... And from that day forward, he has been slowly knawing at me
Eating away what was so precrious and good and leaving his hate, and anger and so I say
Forgive this Backstabbing beast I beg you people of the jury: Give him a second chance. The Jugde stood up and said: "I agree with the jury, though the friend has died we will not let this beast live" And without anymore words we knew what was going to happen, the last i saw of him, he was sinking into the ground, saying his treaterous lies.

[Enjealousy]

What happened to your linebreaks in the second half?

[Mysterious Adept]

Enjealousy, on Aug 6 2006, 11:35 AM, said:

What happened to your linebreaks in the second half?

I dunno, i had it in their when i wrote it, (other family members can get to my saved files on this computer) some family member changed it. (i would fix it, but i am too lazy right now lol)

[Enjealousy]

Well, to give you some more not-so-specific critique: It's a little awkward (some of the pauses and stuff), but otherwise it's pretty good [for an amateur :smile:]

Keep writing, my friend.

[Yuki]

Yay! More poetry! <3

Um o.o it's awesome. I like it (: You could make some really good songs with those.

[i have a poetry topic too >.>;;]

[Lemontime]

It sounds good. I'm no poet but it still sounds cool. Keep at the good work.

[Mysterious Adept]

Well, it's been a little while since i last wrote a poem, but finally i did, This poem is about the recent tragedy that struck my life

Friendship
A girl once asked
"What do Friends have?"
She pondered this
For quite a while

For Most of her life
She sought this answer
it was different, everywhere she went
Love, Money, Popularity
She shook her head at those answers
and knew they were not right

Alas! She became old
and died without knowing

I write about this
to tell you her story
and I will show you my point
Friends have an interest in one common thing,
To know eachother, to be Eachother

Friendship is all of this and more
It is a trait
Which we must treasure
All the days of our life.

Dedicated to The friendship of:
Emily Rysavy & Kellsey Hogan

[Mysterious Adept]

My 8th Entry

I won't lie in this,
and let me warn you
My heart won't either

People come and go, as they please
They try to leave unheard, unnoticed
but something unseen is happening

As people step out of my life
and I show no emotion
I know that inside, everything is breaking

Though Through the years
My heart has been healing
and joy has been seen

But I fear it's too late
My heart also has been turned to stone
not a single thing as come out

When I read my 8th entry
It shall bring me hope and warmth
For everyone who has passed
has come together, in this one moment.

An so it shall be, we will move on, go our seperate ways.
But these last years, I will never forget.
And I promise you that.

[Mysterious Adept]

A Woman of Mystery

I once knew a woman
strong and true,
this woman saw a warm light
with a man of her dreams standing in the middle of it.

They were in happy harmony
and she found out that,
he had liked her
for as long as he could remember.

But pain and suffering,
they are never far away.
They began looking for victims
and found one,
the woman...........

Her mind became confused
she could not recognize the man,
and so she assumed he was dead
and found another.

The man was surprised,
Did this just happen? he thought.
He then vowed one thing,
To never stop trying, trying to get her back.

And so his light shines, even today.
Trying to unveil this woman.
He continues on, hoping, dreaming
of the day he will be with her again.

[Mysterious Adept]

Though life may be kind,
it can also be very cruel.
So cruel that you'll feel
Your heart ripped out.
It can make you feel alone,
It can make you feel sick,
It can make you want to scream,
But if I scream
And put all my heart into it
Will anyone here me?

(Doesn't have a title)