[Drizzy Drake]

We are ordinary people
With a lust for life
Time to close your eyes, go catch your dreams
Things are never as they seem

See, that's it. No more. Just, that.


EDIT-This is now my official poetry topic. :P.

[Golden Legacy]

Actually, not only did I like the poem, I do think it's worthy of the Writing board. So I'll move it there.

Simple but makes you think. I liked how in the second and third lines, the flow of the stressed syllables emphasized the key words i.e.

...
With a lust for life
Time to close your eyes, go catch your dreams
...

[Lightning Star]

Emily ****inson wrote very short poems, but they were also very good.

I have to agree with GL, this is a great poem!

[Drizzy Drake]

Hehe, you got asterix'd.

:P, new poem.

Don't you look behind
You got a long, long way to climb
But I know you'll never fall again
You still have your dreams
Just remember what they mean
If you wanna come alive again

Don't you sell your soul
Even though heaven is your goal
Cause it's never been that far away
No one is judging you
But you can't disguise the truth
When it's gonna make you face to face

[Gio]

As horrible as I am at understanding what people are trying to say in poems. I actually got that one for the most part.
Nice Skidz.

[Drizzy Drake]

Merci. Which one thoguh, first or second?

[Gio]

both of em. It actually only took me one read through of both of em.

[Someone Else]

Your poems suck, go die in a fire.



No, they're good.

[Eugine]

lol, 1st one was alright, but too short.
2nd poem was, um, worst than the first. Ugh, I really dislike the second verse btw.

Ah well, I just hate anything that tries to beat around the bush. Just give me the darn literal meaning.

[Gio]

I could post my awesome poem about Hillary clinton for you eugine. that one is literal and to the point lol. Not really though.

If anyone wants to see it I will PM it to them

Anyway I think Skidz poems are pretty good I know that I definitely can't write poems that well.

[Eugine]

lol, sure, PM it.

I probably can't do better myself (omg, am I really that bad? x.x) Haven't even written a story in about two years o.o

I think I'm gonna go write a poem now. To TRT I go!
Edit: Nvm, to study I go o.o

[Gio]

Tell me what yall think of it. I think I might make a poem thread for the small amount of poems I have lol.

[Ironsight]

The next person to say "yall" get's their comment box raped to death.

[Gio]

It is a word I have subconciously picked up from all the southern people living around me.

[Shikonaurum]

I always wondered how colloquial verbal use would slip into typing, and there we have it! "Y'all."

I preferred the first one to the second one, the first one left enough out to be profound, whilst the second one bordered onto song lyric territory in my opinion. Which, in many respects, is a certain genre of poetry, but comes off as weaker.

I did like the first one, though! It felt a bit disjointed between the first two lines and the second two lines and I couldn't quite put my mind around a direct connection that would satisfy me, but still. It works.

[Lightning Star]

Hey! "Y'all" is MY signature word >> Next person to say it gets their comment box raped TO THE MAX >[

I think the second one seemed a little clich'ed in the word choice, but it did give a good sense of "let go and feel free", which is what you were aiming for, right? Rhyming is almost a little bit overused when it comes to poetry, but if you're going to use it, it's best to make it continual, not broken up.

However, poetry really doesn't have a standard, so technically you can do whatever you want with it.

[Ironsight]

I warned you...

[Shikonaurum]

DarkSword, on May 28 2008, 11:59 PM, said:

The next person to say "yall" get's their comment box raped to death.

In the case that I may be permitted to sound a bit anal, your conditional word was actually without the apostrophe; everyone since has punctuated. :(

As for the poems, Skid, might I ask what you believe the theme of each poem to be? Just curious.

[kate]

The best poems make little sense upon the first read. That's what give them so much meaning, the ability of the reader to discover their own interpretation.

Your poems remind me somewhat of those of ondaatje. He's one of my favourite poets so good job. I also like how you keep it down to earth with the rhyme scheme.

I'd really like to see something more free, something where the structure gives rise to a whole new meaning, like that of Atwood's poetry. Enjambment is the ****, play with it for me pretty please? Although I do realize rhyming is kinda your thing.

good job anyways. moar plox.

[Drizzy Drake]

Moar? Oh rery XD?

The second one sucked, I know. :(. And the first wasn't even meant to be in here, but GL liked it and moved it from the Commen Room to here. Whilst in Cassidy again, I wrote alot of poems, stories, lyrics, what have you. So I'll post some more soon if I have the time.

[Drizzy Drake]

This room is dark
And this bed unfamiliar
My only company tonight is
This tattered photogragh
It simply serves as a reminder
Of everything that I have lost
I long for sleep
So that I may visit you
In my dreams tonight
It seems to be
The closest that I've come
To see the glow in your eyes

[Gio]

Pretty awesome Skidz.

You get extra points since I understood it. I have said it before and I will say it again. I suck at understanding poetry.