Hi this is just a small snippet to show you so I can see If you want the rest of it put up here (the rest is WAY better then this)
The Aftermath© Al guerin co.
Prolounge
as the music of the organ plays as Isaac walks down the isle to Jenna
while their friends Sheba and Ivan cry joyfully and Piers,Garret and Felix smile.Isaac gets to the alter in the church which is in the new town hall of Vale which was covered with red and brown roses
(earth and fire) and Kraden while holding back tears of his own says
"We are gathered here today to join these two adepts Isaac and Jenna let
us read the vows....." after the vows were read and the ceremony began Felix,the best man
rose to his feet and said
"I'd like to give a toast te bride and groom,Jenna my sister and Isaac my new brother,Isaac
I know we have had little something against each other but we ae brothers now so lets start over."
Just then someone walked into the church that looked familier to the gang
"So Isaac and Jenna are married now... I guess that means I should have brought a gift.How about this?
"FROST!" said Alex as an ice sculture of the four lighthouses appeared.
"Alex? Why are you being nice to us....aren't you dead?"said garret shocked
"Well I thought since my life was spared i would be good"Alex beamedIf you have a problem I shall leave,
but until then I suppose I will be here watching you disgusting" clears his throat"I mean
watching you guys"Just then another person walked in with a djinn on each
shoulder both earth and pockets full of lumps(djinn).
"Well look what the cat draged in"said Alex in a mischiefious voice....
Do you like it so far?
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The Aftermath prolounge of my story on theGScharacters
#2
Posted 20 July 2004 - 02:33 PM
I don't particularly like it. How about making it longer, or is this just a snippet? If it's an epilogue, try making NO characterss speaking if it is. Fix grammer and spelling. I do though, Like kinda how it starts a bit. How about making it
#3
Posted 20 July 2004 - 02:39 PM
Its just a snippet but it is beggining VERY begging possibly what you would put at on the back cover of a book
#4
Posted 20 July 2004 - 03:19 PM
Is this the Prologue of a new story, of the Epilogue to Golden Sun?
And I would have liked it better if Isaac and Mia got married, and Alex didn't conceal his anger...
But if the rest is as good as you say, then I'll give it a chance. :unsure:
And I would have liked it better if Isaac and Mia got married, and Alex didn't conceal his anger...
But if the rest is as good as you say, then I'll give it a chance. :unsure:
#5
Posted 20 July 2004 - 03:40 PM
epilounge to golden sun,also I had Isaac marry Jenna cause they are close friends and Jenna made fun of Jena liking Isaac in TLA so thats the way I put it should I change it?
#6
Posted 20 July 2004 - 05:05 PM
Like I said, if the rest is as good as you say, I'll give it a chance, I just thought that marrying Mia would be a unique plot twist, I mean...who would really expect that? :P
#7
Posted 20 July 2004 - 05:37 PM
true I'll edit that in the rest of the story so it'll take a bit before I post again
#8 Guest_TRIgun1324_*
Posted 21 July 2004 - 02:44 AM
I think it is good there are some good ones at my website www.freewebs.com/psychicorigami
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