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Revenge my new story. I quit the GS story

#1   Neo 

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    Posted 16 August 2004 - 01:59 PM

    I stopped the GS story, because I didn't liked it, instead, here is another story (these are the first two chapters). I didn't removed the spelling/grammar mistakes yet. so plz don't comment about those.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    It was a dark night, clouds covered the moon. Stars weren’t to be seen. While opening the door, and walking outside, a cold breeze went trough my hair. Everything was quiet. It felt great, walking trough the streets again, without worrying about anybody who wants to kill you. I had my revenge, I was happy.

    -Life and Death
    Many years ago, I had a lovely wife, and a great son. They ment everything for me. We lives in this street. I was captain of the guard, my qife worked in the palace. My son was only eight, but went with my wife every day. When I came home every evening, I got a warm welcome. My son jumped at me like a happy dog, and I liked that. My wife gave me a passioned kiss, which mostly turned out to be a happy night. but one evening, when I came home, the lights were out. My son didn’t jumped at me. My wife didn’t kissed me. They weren’t in the house. Everything was a mess, the table was split in two. Chairs were broken. Plates and cups were all over the floor. The windows were broken too. I took a few steps, avoiding things that could make noice. When I reached the door to the living room, I stopped. People were talking in the room. I put my ear against the door, and listened.
    ‘I say we just kill them, he is gonna get here anyway,’ A man said. But he got an angry answer. ‘He is unbelievable strong, no way we can take him out without his family as hastages.’
    My mind flipped. There were people in my house, who wanted to kill me. I fought before, I killed before. But I never had any strong resistance. These people were out for my death, this would be much harder. Slowly, I took out my sword. A beautiful, large sword, with all kinds of insciptures. My name was carved in the wooden grip. The steel of the blade was very rare, I was taken out of the caves from the Rirunor, the Dwarves. They forged it with many men together, to make it perfect. Once the caves were empty, the royal soldiers went in, and took every valuable item in the cave. They made this sword for me, because I was the leader of that quest.
    ‘I hear something in the other room!’ one man screamed, followed by footsteps. Before I even managed to move, the door opened. I tumbled in.
    ‘who do we have here?’ one of them grinsed. He was dressed in hides, and was carrying a rusted axe. Another one was equiped with a bow. And had a leather armor. He didn’t grinned, but looked angry, fiers… serious. In the end of the room stood a tall man, dressed in a black cloack. His face was hidden. And he didn’t held any weapon. But he was the one that spoke.
    ‘kill him,’ were the only words he said. But the other two men listened, and attacked. The first one who reached me, was already dead before even lifting his weapon. The second one shot one arrow, but missed. I ran to him, but he was quick. He took a small dagger out of his armor, and jabbed at me. A lucky hit. My left arm was bleeding, but nothing very dangarous. I gave him a quick kill, so I didn’t woke the neighbours.
    ‘so now it’s just you and me,’ I said, and started walking towards him. He didn’t moved. When I stood in front of him, he still didn’t moved.
    ‘who are you?’ I growled.
    He raised his hands, I stepped back, lifting my sword. But he didn’t attacked me. He reached for his cap, and removed it. I wished he didn’t. his face was mutilated. Covered with scars, burning wounds and white spots. One eye was only a dark hole, and the other one had no pupil. He had a half nose, and his mouth was a small stripe, he had no lips.
    ‘I am Rack, and old servant of the mighty Lord Jurin.’ He said, with a strange voice.
    ‘Jurin? He died hundeds of years ago. If you serve him, you serve a dead skeleton.’
    He stepped forward, and his eyebrows (well… small black striped) went down. He looked angry at me.
    ‘Don’t say that about my Lord! Yes, he died many years ago, but his soul still lives on. And that is what I serve. I am his high Priest. He gives me all the orders. And his first order was to kill you.
    I was startled, everything he said was nonsence. ‘Why would a dark Lord who died hunders years ago, kill me?’
    ‘Because you are a thread to him. He wants you gone before you can do any harm to him or his servants.’
    When he said that, his hands started to glow. A small orange ball appeared in his hands. It became larger, and larger. Then, suddenly, I felt a terrible pain. He shot the fireball. The heat was too much. I fell on my knees. My hands were burning, it looked like they were melting. My hair was burning away. My clothes were falling off. Every inch of my body felt the pain. Then, it was over.
    I fell into a black hole, everything around me was darkness. I didn’t felt anything, I didn’t think anything. The only thing I did, was lying there. My eyes were closed, but I knew there wouldn’t be any light when I opened them. I felt quite happy, no thoughts, nothing to worry about. My wife and son didn’t ment anything for me anymore. Everything which was complicated, became simple: just don’t think about it. Nothing to hard to do, because if I tried to think, everything just became more black, and I forgot more. So I just waited, and waited. It looked like a lifetime, but finally, finally I landed on a hard, stone floor. And I opened my eyes.


    -Reborn
    A dark room, made of stone, was all I saw. It was cold, something I didn’t felt for a long time. It felt nice. My view was blurry, but it was good enough to see a man coming in the room. He was holding a burning torch.
    ‘Finally, I thought we would never manage to rewake you,’ was all he said, and left the room again. I kept lying, I couldn’t move. I managed to turn my head, and looked at my right arm. It was a bone, with skin. All the muscles I once had, where gone. I tried to lift my arm, but failed. So all I did was lying on the floor, for a long time.
    I woke up again, but this time in another room. I was lying on a wooden table, the room looked the same. But in this room there were many torches attached to the wall. Two men were talking, but when one of them saw I woke up, they stopped. He walked towards me, and looked me in the eyes.
    ‘It took way too long, I think we never will be able to get you fit again,’ he said. The other man walked at the other side of the table. He shaked his head. ‘Maybe not, but we have to try. He was a strong man, he had a strong will. Maybe he is able to recover. Ofcourse not completely, but he can get strong enough to fight again.’
    My view got better. I looked one of them in the eyes, and I remembered his face. I tried to spreak, but didn’t come further then opening my mouth. But he understood me, he grinsed. ‘Yes, Alchon. It is me, Geno.’
    I remembered my name, it was Alchon. Captain of the royal guard. Stationed in the City of Myaden. I got killed. I don’t know what happened to my wife and son. They were alive when I got killed. But I was alive again, I don’t know how, I still don’t know, Geno never wanted to tell me, but I still thank him for that. It looked like those thaughts gave me new strength, because I moved my face, opened my mouth, and spoke.
    ‘Geno, my friend. Where am I?’ was what I said.
    ‘You are in the sewers of Myaden, this was the only place where we would be able to revive you.’
    ‘That explains the awfull smell,’ I said, and managed to create a smile.
    ‘It looks like you still didn’t lost your humor,’ grinsed Geno. ‘But be quiet now, you need rest, lots of rest.’ After those words, both men left the room, and I closed my eyes.
    The next few days I didn’t spoke, I just ate, and slept. I didn’t saw Geno, because the water and bread was braught by other people, people I didn’t knew. I learned a lot by listening. The men started talking, without taking notice of me. It seemed that Geno hired them to revive me, they tried it for 3 years, without succes. Geno was about to give up, when it succeeded. The man who did it got a huge reward, and left right after that. His body was found two days later. After my revival, I didn’t woke up. Two weeks later Geno thaught he failed again, but I woke up.
    Finally, after three weeks eating and sleeping, I managed to put my feet on the ground, and I stood. It felt great, but fainful. I couldn’t walk yet, but was happy to stand. I managed to walk seven days after that, but only small walks, maybe 4 or 5 steps. It went that way for months, maybe a year. When I was fit again, I started training. First fighting with bare hands. After that with wooden sticks, and even swords. I remembered the days when I still was a proffesional fighter, but now I would even had trouble beating up little kids.
    ‘Alchon, are you there?’ it was Geno’s voice. I stood up, and walked to the door. I opened it. Geno walked in, with two men behind him, they carried a chest.
    ‘Hello Geno, long time no see. It’s almost 4 months ago we saw eachother,’ I said, while sitting down. The two men put down the chest, and took a chair.
    ‘Alchon,’ started Geno. ‘That night, when I came to you house, to warn you. I heared men talking about killing you. When I came at your house, it was burning. I could see a black cloacked man walking outside, and dissapeared in the darkness. I ran to your house, and searched for you. I found you, totally burned, your son and wife were gone. My men searched for them, but never found them. We took you here. Together with your belongings.’ The two men opened the chest, I saw a sword on top of some cloths.
    ‘the cloack you weared when you were killed was burned, but we found this in your closet.’ Geno took a black cloak from the chest, and showed it to me. ‘try it on,’ he said.
    I took the cloack, and put it on. It felt good, it was of good quality. I remembered this cloack, it was my so-called spy cloack. Because I always used it when I went out to investigate things.
    ‘Thanks, Geno,’ I said.
    Then he took a sword from the chest, he showed it to me.
    ‘your old perfect sword, the best from the country, He laughed. I took the sword, it felt heavy, but that was because I was still weak. I made a few swings, and put in in my belt. ‘haha, no. you have a holder for that.’ Geno gave me the holder, which I put on my belt with a rope. And then put the sword in it.
    ‘you almost look like before, only you have less muscles, and ofcourse your face is a mess.’
    ‘my face is a mess?’ I asked.
    ‘yes, ofcourse, it was totally burned. Your face is one big scar.’
    I touched my face, it had a strange skin, with strange holes, and turns. I realised I never thought my face would be such a mess.
    ‘but, people will be scared if they see this,’ I said.
    ‘I know,’ continues Geno. ‘that why we are going to the Witch next week.’
    I knew the Witch, she healed people’s wounds, but for a high price. Sometimes the price was a child, sometimes you had to give you your son. Or you had to give her much money, very much.
    ‘why the Witch? He prices are way too much? Or you have to go to bed with her.’
    ‘I know,’ Geno’s face became dark, and his smile dissapeared. ‘she will have my son,’ he said.
    ‘What? No! No, you can’t do that Geno, people will laugh at you, they will kick you, hit you, all because the Witch bares your son.’ I yelled.
    ‘People think I’m dead!’ he replied, much harder. ‘They think I died together with you in that house, because I never walked out when I entered.’
    We stopped talking, it was quiet for a long time. Then Geno stood up, and walked away. One of the men took out a bag full of coins, and a dagger. He gave them to me, and then he left with his companion.
    I was alone, again.

    #2   Mallick 

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      Posted 20 August 2004 - 12:19 AM

      That was good Neo Genisis!!!I wish I could write like that!!(well I can already do all the spellling mistakes <jk>)

      #3   Amon 

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        Posted 29 August 2004 - 01:48 PM

        Very nice. A literary masterpiece if I ever saw one (although im not sure i ever saw one).

        #4   Valistrix 

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          Posted 30 August 2004 - 11:55 AM

          That story so far rocks neo_genesis wish i could be so good at making storys

          #5   Amon 

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            Posted 30 August 2004 - 01:10 PM

            Link, on Aug 30 2004, 01:55 PM, said:

            That story so far rocks neo_genesis wish i could be so good at making storys

            It's not that hard. Just think of plot and use big words that no one understands. The compliments with come in like rush-hour traffic.

            Please write s'more NG. You have a very entertaining plotline.

            #6   Linear 

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              Posted 30 August 2004 - 05:45 PM

              Nice NG. Continue it soon. You have a way in putting your emotions into your story.

              #7   Echo_djinn 

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                Posted 30 August 2004 - 06:19 PM

                I like your story i wish i had the time to make up one to

                #8   Neo 

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                  Posted 31 August 2004 - 02:11 AM

                  Chapter 3, enjoy :rolleyes:

                  -------------------------

                  -New Plans
                  I searched the chest, and found a letter, which I started to read.

                  To Geno,
                  After searching your house twice we didn’t found any trace of Alchon’s wife or son. We brought Alchon to the room. He is all burned. There isn’t much change we can bring him back to life. But we will do our best. I’ll let you know when we succeeded.
                  Myo.


                  It al was clear to me now, there were more people who wanted to revive me, maybe a whole group. But why? Why would they want to revive me, I was just a captain, not somebody special.
                  ‘I see you read the letter,’ said someone from the other end of the room. I turned around, and saw an old man, unknown to me. He smiled.
                  ‘ineed, you don’t know me. I am Myo, the writer of that letter. I am also a good friend of Geno. And the reason why I wanted to revive you, was because of the second thing you thaught, you are important.’
                  ‘but, but I thaught those things, I didn’t said them. How…’ startled I.
                  ‘don’t worry, I am a physical. I can read minds. But I won’t read yours, I don’t want to see any of your private thaughts,’ he answered.
                  ‘but why am I important?’ I asked.
                  ‘you don’t know yet, but you have a special gift. You have the gift to understand the Demon’s language. That’s why you understood the man in the black robe, who killed you. He is from another world, he is a Demon. But you understood him, and that is the key to victory. I will tell you the plan.
                  Lumar, the Demon Lord, hires humans as assasins. But only the special humans, the one with the gift to understand their language. Usually, a man with that gift, becomes eveil from his childhood. But you didn’t, that’s why he sent a Demon to you so you wouldn’t be in his way. The humans able to understand the Demons, can defeat them, Lumar knows that. All the human assasins don’t. he pays them good, so they won’t start rebellion.
                  You must go there, and volunteer for assasin. When he hired you, you must climb up to a high position, by doing many jobs.’
                  ‘do I have to do jobs for him? What kind of jobs?’ I said.
                  ‘mostly to kill important humans,’ Myo answered.
                  ‘what? Do I have to kill people?’ I startled.
                  ‘no, when you get an assignment, come to me. I will make sure it will look like you mission was a succes. If you do it quick, you will become an even more imporant man, because Lumar wants fast and good men. Once you have gained an important position in their army, try to get information. Information about their weaknesses, about their defences, their numbers. Even how much food they have. Try to get as much information as you can get. Then we can invade with out special army,’ ‘you special army?’ I interupted.
                  ‘yes, our special army. We have an army of well trained men, who know everything about the demons. But I need to know when, and how we can attack best.’
                  ‘I don’t even know where Lumar is!’ I was becoming a bit angry about this strange idea.
                  ‘I know that, I will send you there, and teach you to come there yourself.’ He camly said.
                  ‘but why don’t you invade it now, if you know where it is?’
                  ‘because I don’t know how much men he has, or how good their defences are. And it’s not easy to teach more than a thousand men how to teleport there.’
                  ‘but what about my revenge? I want to take revenge at the one who killed me, at the one who killed my family!’ I yelled.
                  ‘you can have your change, when we invade, you may kill Kamor, the one who killed you. But it was only an assignment of Lumar.’
                  ‘then I will kill Lumar too!’
                  The discussion was ended, Myo left the room. And I ate something. After some time Geno entered the room.
                  ‘Myo told you everything, do you accept the misson?’
                  ‘if I can take my revenge, yes. I will do it, but if I get the change to kill Kamor. If I will meet him when he is alone, he will not live!’
                  ‘but first, come with me. We are going to the Witch.’ Geno said.

                  This was the first time I went out of the dark halls and rooms. We went up a small, long stairway. The higher we went, the brighter the light became. We reaches a door, made of strong wood. There was no lock on it, but Geno took a key from his pocket, and put it in the wall. The door opened.
                  I saw nothing, so bright was the light. I was used to the dark. I spent more then a year in those dark halls. But now, I was back on the world, back with other people, I felt alive again. We were in a small shop, nothing more then a grey wall, and two lamps. A small desk in front. It was a potionshop, I smelled it, and saw all kinds of potions. The door was open, and we walked outside. Nothing was changed. The streets looked the same, the houses looked the same. Even the people were the same. There were normal citizens, which all wearedt he same suit. The richer onces were easy to find, they had a beautitful suit, and many rings and diamonds. We crossed the marketplace, were all kinds of people sold their stuff. It was very crowded, and I had trouble keeping track of Geno. We left the city trough the west gate. I walked this path many times when I was still a soldier. At a fork we went left, but went off the path immediately. As we continued walking deeper and deeper into the woods, it became darker again. My eyes stopepd hurting, and I felt good.
                  ‘there it is,’ said Geno, after walking for hours.
                  A few metres further, there was a cave. In front of it stood a statue of Murtyo, our most beloved god. When we entered the cave, we were welcomed by many candles, litting up the cave. It was a simple cave, nothing more then an alchemist banch, a chest, some chairs, a bed and a desk. A women stood in front of the alchemist banch, but when we came closer she turned around.
                  ‘hello Geno, nice to see you again,’ she said. She had a strange face, and she didn’t had a nose. He eyes were big, and her mouth was small. She had long, very long brown hair. Then she turned to me.
                  ‘and hello Alchon, I remember you,’ she grinned. I was surprised, because I didn’t knew her.
                  ‘do I know you?’ I asked.
                  ‘yes you do, but I don’t want to discuss that now, we have work to do.’

                  #9   xeroth_of_ice 

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                      Posted 31 August 2004 - 04:24 PM

                    Sucks, totally sucks, haven't read something that good in a while. Just horrible, absolutley horrible!!!! Yeah, it's disgusting! Hehehehe..... *uncertain of one's self*..... Yeah!!! Take that..... uh.... eh..... er.... stupid head!

                    Joking, it's awsome. But! You could've still edited for us before you posted.... but HEY! It's still bareablealalale. But besides that, vewy vewy good, I like it, like it alot. Is it a fan fic of anything I haven't heard of, or is this your own works?

                    #10   Linear 

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                      Posted 31 August 2004 - 05:47 PM

                      Great story NG! I really enjoyed it! *claps*

                      #11   Neo 

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                        Posted 01 September 2004 - 05:30 AM

                        well Xeroth, it is my own story, with a few tiny details from the game Gothic II. like the armors, the looks of people (like the demon) and the witch. but the storyline, and characters are all made my me :)

                        #12   Amon 

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                          Posted 01 September 2004 - 12:57 PM

                          Neo_Genesis, on Sep 1 2004, 07:30 AM, said:

                          well Xeroth, it is my own story, with a few tiny details from the game Gothic II. like the armors, the looks of people (like the demon) and the witch. but the storyline, and characters are all made my me :)

                          Cool. Never heard of the game but I liked reading this fanfic.

                          #13   Linear 

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                            Posted 01 September 2004 - 05:55 PM

                            I never heard of it as well...but great story NG

                            #14   Neo 

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                              Posted 16 September 2004 - 09:13 AM

                              I got my new word yesterday everning, en started on the new chapter. I am currently writing too... here is a little preview of chapter 4...
                              (the full chapter will be up tomorrow, or the day after)

                              -A new face
                              ‘watch out, no, look out. you don't how much that hurts!’
                              The witch was busy with all kind of tools, trying to make my face normal again. she did it the painful way, working on it while I was still awake. my face was all covered with blood, because of the knifes and needles she used to make it look better. she was now busy with my nose, which was a lot smaller then two hours ago. ‘quiet, I need to concentrate.’ Whispered the Witch. He stood up, walked to the table and took another tool. I think my nose was finished by then, because she started working on my chin. It was all bumpy, and she started to remove them with a small, but sharp knife. She was busy for over six hours now, and I started to get tired. I felt all the pain, but didn’t moved an inch. Such pain for six long hours, normal people would’ve screamed, and cursed. But not me, not Alchon, the reliving warrior. I started thinking about my quest, how it would be like.
                              He would have a nice, beautiful face again, and would be able to start walking over the streets without covering his face. He would talk to merchants, citizens and many other people. This thought made Alchon happy, and made the pain a little less. He dreamed away, but couldn’t completely forget what was going on. He still felt pain, and needles, knives and all sort of tools. He tried to forget, but failed.

                              #15   Ganon 

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                                Posted 17 September 2004 - 02:32 PM

                                NICE!please continue!

                                #16   Isaac13 

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                                  Posted 18 September 2004 - 11:00 AM

                                  I like this story! When will you make more?

                                  #17   Neo 

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                                    Posted 20 December 2004 - 02:40 PM

                                    well People, since I was away for long, I didnt posted the next chapter. I haven't writed much on the story, but I did finished this chapter.
                                    I changed the title of the chapter, enjoy :P

                                    -----------------------------

                                    -A new twist
                                    ‘watch out, no, look out. you don't how much that hurts!’
                                    The witch was busy with all kind of tools, trying to make my face normal again. she did it the painful way, working on it while I was still awake. my face was all covered with blood, because of the knifes and needles she used to make it look better. she was now busy with my nose, which was a lot smaller then two hours ago. ‘quiet, I need to concentrate.’ Whispered the Witch. He stood up, walked to the table and took another tool. I think my nose was finished by then, because she started working on my chin. It was all bumpy, and she started to remove them with a small, but sharp knife. She was busy for over six hours now, and I started to get tired. I felt all the pain, but didn’t moved an inch. Such pain for six long hours, normal people would’ve screamed, and cursed. But not me, not Alchon, the reliving warrior. I started thinking about my quest, how it would be like.
                                    He would have a nice, beautiful face again, and would be able to start walking over the streets without covering his face. He would talk to merchants, citizens and many other people. This thought made Alchon happy, and made the pain a little less. He dreamed away, but couldn’t completely forget what was going on. He still felt pain, and needles, knives and all sort of tools. He tried to forget, but failed. He somehow got in a trance, and his view got blurry.
                                    Suddenly he was awake again, he was alone. The room was empty, and dark. Everything was quiet, and there were no doors. He stood up, and took two steps. He fell on his knees, without any reason. He couldn’t use his legs anymore, he sat there, doing nothing. It seemed like hours past, but suddenly a he saw a door, which wasn’t there before. He crawled there, but noticed his legs were working again, so he stood up. He pushed the door open, en stepped forward. All became black, and he felt he was falling. He landed on a soft ground, it was sand. But he couldn’t see anything, because everything was black. Suddenly everything became light, and nothing was dark anymore. He was in some kind of desert. There was sand everywhere, and the sun was very bright. He saw one or two cactuses, but nothing else. Not even a small lizard. There was no sound either, even when he opened his mouth and tried to yell. He started walking, not knowing where to go. He continues for hours, and hours. Finally, he saw something else, it was a small house, about a hundred meters away. He started running, but he was tired, he was hungry and he needed water. When he almost reached the house, he fell on his knees. But still he continued forward, in the direction of the house… which disappeared.
                                    ‘No, no! what is this place? Where am I? why this torturing?’ he put his hands on his face, which didn’t had any mishaps. He felt all around his face, everything was normal again, he made a smile. But suddenly he felt a horrible pain in his back. As he slowly turned around, the pain became worse. When he turned around, and stood up, he looked up. He saw the demon, the demon which caused him so much pain. He felt the pain again, but just a little bit less. His anger grow, and he made fists of his hands. He looked up, ready to dodge a next attack. But the demon laughed.
                                    ‘It seems like you are not dead, and you are even wealthy again. But still, I can feel you are weak. At least, weaker then before. You aren’t even a challenge now, when you come to us to… “join” us. Don’t even try that now, I know all about it. You will have to think of another plan. But think quick, we are busy with a project. A project to invade your world, and make it ours. Turn back now, leave us and kill yourself. That is the only way of relieve, and the only way not to suffer.’
                                    The demon disappeared, leaving Alchon alone. The desert started to fade, the cactuses were gone. Even the sun was going down. At that moment everything went black.
                                    ‘Look, he’s waking up.’
                                    Alchon opened his eyes, and noticed he was on a bed. He looked at the Witch, and Geno. They were half naked, and the Witch had a happy look. It seemed Geno held his promise, which was horrible. He raised his hand, and touched his face. But he didn’t felt skin, only some kind of bandage.
                                    ‘you will have to keep that bandage for the next few weeks, only then your face will be healed. Not completely though. It will take a year to fully regain your beauty. I used some special herbs, which will make the process go faster, and will make you face more beautiful.’ The Witch said.
                                    Alchon moved himself to a sitting position. He looked down.
                                    ‘What is the matter, Alchon? You look sad, even a bit angry.’ Geno started.
                                    Alchon looked up, and stared into Geno’s eyes. ‘They know it.’
                                    Geno looked like he didn’t understood. ‘What do they know? And who?’
                                    ‘everything, they know all about our plan. The demons. One of them talked to me. He said they will take over our world. They say we have to kill ourselves if we don’t want to suffer.’
                                    Geno’s face went from bad to worse. he looked like he was about to cry. But then he shook his head. ‘it must be a dream, such thing can not be true.’ He calmly said. Suddenly Alchon stood up, and took Geno’s hand. ‘It is true! It wasn’t a dream, it was a vision. They know about our plan, we have to make another one. Let’s go back to our hideout.’
                                    ‘but… if they know about our plan, they know about our hideout too,’ Geno slowly said. Alchon jumped up, took his clothes and his weapon and ran away, heading for the hideout. If Geno was right, and they were there, maybe Myo was in danger too. He had to get back as soon as possible, but any costs.
                                    As Alchon ran trough the city, he noticed people were watching him. He didn’t care, he had to get back to the hide-out. After a few minutes, he saw the door to the Inn, ran trough it, and went to the door leading underground. He didn’t had time to use the key, to he bashed in the door. When he ran off the stairs, he could already smell death. He got to the first room.
                                    Three men on the ground, their heads hanging on a rope above them. Blood everywhere, tables ruined, chairs broken. Paintings burned. Everything was a mess. Alchon took a sword that was lying on the ground, and sneaked forwards. When he got in the next room, he almost hit one of the demons. Fortunately, the demon didn’t noticed him. He looked trough the room if there were more demons, but this one was alone. Alchon jumped up, held his hand in front of the demon’s mouth and cut his throat. The demon tried to scream, but failed. He fell on the ground seconds later. Alchon went for the next room, which was empty, except for some ruined chairs.
                                    Suddenly Alchon heard a scream, from the next room. He bashed in the door, and saw Myo… with a sword trough his chest. He turned his head, towards Alchon. Then he slowly said: ‘Run, run as fast as you can. They will blow up the whole underground.’ Then he closed his eyes, and stopped moving.
                                    There were two demons in the room, one of them held the sword which killed Myo. Alchon heard all he needed to hear. He didn’t even bothered fighting the demons, and more came in the room. He turned, and ran. As fast as he could, like Myo advised.
                                    A huge explosion was heard, but from a distance. The demons didn’t followed Alchon, and he got away safely. Now he stared at the black smoke that was viewable from outside the city. He stood there, for long, when Geno suddenly stood next to him.
                                    ‘I guess we have to find a new hideout,’ he said.
                                    ‘And a new plan,’ Alchon replied.

                                    #18   Neo 

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                                      Posted 03 January 2005 - 01:29 PM

                                      chapter 5, enjoy ;)

                                      --------

                                      First act, then think

                                      ‘no, we won’t have a new plan,’ Alchon suddenly said, while walking over the streets, sided by Geno. Geno looked at him. ‘What do you mean? No plan? What do you want to do then?’ he asked, surprised by what Alchon said. ‘I’m just going to break in, go to the big boss, and slice his body in two.’
                                      Alchon was angry, very angry. He walked fast, heading for his little hut in the forest, which was his hunting hut for many years before he became city guard, and after that captain. The path heading to the hut was almost disappeared, only the small strokes of sand made it a path. Some trees were growing over the path, and many bushes grew on it. They could see the hut from far, as it was quite a large one. When Alchon stood in front of the door, he reminded a trap he made when he left. So he went around the back. He made a rope, which was connection with the door, and every one who entered trough the front door could expect a large sword as welcome. Alchon was quite stupid, as he didn’t put a trap at the back door. But now he was glad he didn’t do that. The only way in was trough the back door, or burning down the hut, but than people nearby would see it. Breaking the walls was impossible, since it was from a very special, and magical wood. Alchon got it from a friend once. When he entered, it seemed like nobody every visited this hut since he left it. He searched trough a chest, and took out a very beautiful, large bow, who had a sliver color. He also took out arrows, which also had a silver color. He went to another chest, and took out a large, sharp dagger, and put it at his back. Like assassins used to do. He walked to a closet, took out a very nice armor, with a large spider painted on the front. The armor itself was a light green color, which almost gave light. It was made from a sea-snake skin. Very beautiful and unbreakable. He also took pants from the closet, which has a grey and silver look. His boots where brown, same with his gloves. Finally he put a hood over his head, which was grey and brown. He now looked like a real assassin. He walked back to Geno, but didn’t looked at him, since Geno was staring strange at him. Alchon was outside, and went to another small hut near the big house. He opened it, and disappeared in it. A few minutes later he back out on a horse, strange, cause this hut was empty for years. Geno asked him about it, but Alchon avoided the question by asking where he could find a place to eat, and sleep. Geno was quiet for a second, and then asked: ‘we could go to an Inn, but dressed like that you will get some attention. So the best place I can think of is here.’
                                      ‘No, I don’t want to stay here a second longer,’ Alchon said, and started walking towards the path leading to the city, sitting on the horse. Geno followed him, but was still thinking. Suddenly he said: ‘Why don’t you think of something, you lived in the city too, and you knew it very well, since you had to know where all your gaurds needed to patrol.’
                                      They walked on quietly, till they had reached the city gates. Alchon turned to Geno, and said: ‘in the western part of the city, behind Jonny’s Blacksmith, is a small hut, which is empty. We will stay there for the night. you go first, I will meet you there. I need to use another route, since the guards won’t allow me in dressed like this.’
                                      ‘but you were their captain, they would recognize you, wouldn’t they?’ Geno replied.
                                      ‘Of course they would, but they think I’m dead, and I want it to stay like that. You can recognize the little hut by the skull of an cow above the doorpost.’
                                      And with those words the two men split up. Alchon went back into the woods, this time the other way then from where they came, and Geno went into town. Alchon rode on for a few minutes, and stepped off there. He bound his horse to a tree, surrounded but lots of grass, and a small stream of water, and walked towards the city wall. He felt some stones, and at one of them, he pulled. A few feet away, a hidden door opened, which led into town. Alchon walked trough it, and at the other side, he pulled another stone which made the door close. He was in the western part of the city, and walked trough a few empty streets, with poor houses, and finally he found a little hut with the skull of a cow above the door post. He knocked on the door, and a few moments later Geno opened the door. When Alchon walked in, he already could smell the tea, a warm, delightful aroma of lemon and Elfbark. ‘you know Elfbark isn’t good for you,’ Alchon said, as he sat down in a chair. ‘It makes you feel energized, and gives you more strength for a while, but it makes you depressed, and lonely.’
                                      Geno knew this, but still he took Elfbark almost every day, to give himself strength, and to prove he was still the man he used to be. But Alchon knew he wasn’t, Geno had become older, and his bones became older too. It wouldn’t last long till he couldn’t go with Alchon, train with him or do anything with him. Alchon knew this, but didn’t said it. He drank the tea, just to make Geno feel a little better. But not long after, he felt the effect of the tea. He start feeling depressed, he started thinking about the mistakes in his life, and made them worse. he made them fresh. It didn’t matter how badly he wanted it to stop, he just continues with it.
                                      ‘Geno, you have to stop drinking this. Without this tea, you might be a little weaker, but also much happier, and less lonenly,’ Alchon said, when he put away his cup. But Geno didn’t answer, he fell asleep.
                                      Alchon went to his bed too, which was cleaned by Geno. He thought he wouldn’t fall asleep quick, because of the bad feelings, caused by the Elfbark. But he was wrong, in a few second after touching the soft bed, his mind went black, and he fell into a dreamless sleep.
                                      The next morning, when Alchon has freshened up, took some bread, and drank something, he walked over to Geno. He was still asleep, and Alchon didn’t wanted to wake him, so he softly said: ‘Goodbye old friend, I hope to come back, and see you again.’ With those word Alchon left the hut, and went to the harbor.
                                      He went straightly to the old Underground, which was a ravage. The city guards searched every thing, but didn’t find anything. All the bodies were burned, or disappeared. There was still a small patrol around the area, but the guards were playing games, or did other things, but they didn’t pay any attention to the surroundings, so Alchon could sneak in quite easily. When he reached the library, he saw all the books and scrolls were burned, except for a chest. He knew Myo would be careful with such scrolls, so he used a special chest, which couldn’t be harmed by fire or swords. But the lock wasn’t protected, so the chest could be opened. Alchon found a few scrolls inside the chest, and took them out. He read every one of them, and in one of them he found what he was looking for; the way into the lair of Lumar. He took the scroll, and went out of the Underground. Alchon walked to the harbor, while looking around, and store all the good, and joyful things in his mind. The bakery, which made warm breads every morning, and which had a delicious smell. The pub, where it was very busy every night, and people laughed, danced and told stories. The small market at an open place in the middle of the city, where all kinds of people sold their stuff. From fishes to pots, and boats to swords. He saw a couple having a fight, and laughed, as the lady smacked a fish against her friends head. he looked at the many people walking by, not even looking at him. None remembered him. Which was, in one way, strange and disappointing, that people would forget about him and not remember him. But on the other hand great, that he had his freedom back, and walk wherever he wanted without being noticed. Yes, of course a few people looked at him, since he wore an assassin’s armor, but at the harbor place all kinds of strange people walked around, so it was nothing special.
                                      When Alchon reached the harbor, he searched for a special mark, in the shape of a double cross. When he found it, he stepped inside. He took the scroll out, and started reading the text. After a few lines, he felt something strange. Also some people stopped, and looked at him. After another few lines, he noticed a small blue aura was covering him. When he almost finished the text, the aura went brighter, and more people stopped and looked. Then, suddenly, when he finished the text, a bright light made him cover his eyes, and he felt nothing.
                                      Suddenly he felt earth under his feet, and the light disappeared. He brought his hands back to his body, and looked around. He was surrounded by people, strange people, dressed in black armors, they pointed a weapon at him.
                                      ‘Seems like someone went trough the portal without permission,’ one of them said. The a familiar demon stepped near Alchon.
                                      ‘Seems like we have another prisoner,’ Kamor smiled.

                                      #19   Ivan is my name 

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                                        Posted 03 January 2005 - 03:13 PM

                                        WWWWWOOOAHHHHH!!! Long chapter!! It was good though. Really good. But long

                                        #20   Somia 

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                                          Posted 03 January 2005 - 05:38 PM

                                          Nice story! It took me a while to finish reading it but nice!~

                                          #21   Neo 

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                                            Posted 26 February 2005 - 12:20 PM

                                            new chapter, I am sorry it took me so long but I was away for some time. after this chapter the real fighting begins.

                                            --------------

                                            Another new twist

                                            3 days long, 3 days of pain, 3 days of coldness. Alchon was tortured, he was put in a small stinking cell, all naked. No windows, no light, nothing to keep him warm. He knew nothing, he felt nothing, except the pain. He screamed all day long, till his lungs couldn’t bear it anymore, and he stopped. He didn’t said anything anymore. He didn’t screamed when they hit him, he didn’t asked for water when he was thirsty, he didn’t do anything, he just wanted one thing, he wanted to die. The demons were rude creatures, with no emotion, so sorrow. Their only purpose was to cause misery and destruction. Everyday again, Alchon was led to a large room, full of weapons, weird devices and other screaming people, who were tortured. But he didn’t only saw demons, he saw humans too. They were volunteers for the war against mankind. They laughed at Alchon, telling him it would be wise to join them. Alchon once wanted to, when they put him in one of the strange devices, which slowly broke his bones, by twisting it two different sides. They stopped just before his tenth bone was about to break. They asked him if he would join them, and he wanted to say yes. But Kamor entered, and said he couldn’t join, as he was a traitor, and had to be punished. Alchon was pushed back in his cell, without being helped with his broken bones, which he had to put back in place himself. He screamed while doing it, but if he wouldn’t do it, his bones would grow in the wrong direction.

                                            After the three days of misery and pain, it seemed like he would no longer be tortured. At the fifth hour of the fourth day, still nobody had come to his cell to pick him up. He wondered why. He also did not hear any screams, nor did he heard guards walking past his cell. Everything was quiet, except the bugs and other strange animals tripling trough his cell.

                                            Then, suddenly, somebody stood in front of the door, it was a human. He was cloaked, but Alchon could see his shapes, and they weren’t from the demon kind. He heard a key in the door, slowly turning. The man opened the door, and set two steps inside, he held his hand on his nose, avoiding the horrible smell.

                                            ‘You are Alchon, am I right?’ the man asked.

                                            ‘Yes,’ Alchon answered, softly, because he could not speak well, due to the horrible pain he had in his lungs.

                                            The man did not said anything else. Instead, he took Alchon by the arms – Alchon could not walk anymore – and threw him over his shoulder. He walked out of the dark cell, into the long hall. The dimmed light showed traces of recent fights. Alchon wanted to ask about it, but could not, due to the extra pain that struck him while the man walked.

                                            After walking trough multiple halls, all looking the same – including the blood traces – they entered a small room. There was a bright light, a table, a chair and a bath tub, filled with water.

                                            ‘Wash yourself,’ the man commanded. But Alchon could not, as his broken bones refused to cooperate. Thus the man washed Alchon, a but to hard for such weak bones. After 10 minutes of struggling, falling and cursing, the man had washed Alchon from ear to toe. He tilted him from the bath tub, putting him in the chair.

                                            ‘Wait here, I will be back soon, with food and water,’ said the man, as he left the room.

                                            Alchon sat there, thinking about what just happened. A man took him out of his cell, bearing him trough multiple hallways, without any guards walking there. The man washed him, and now went to get some food and water. Very strange, but a fortunate turn in the story.

                                            The man came back after two hours, and Alchon had fell asleep. It was the best nap he had in four days. When the man woke him, Alchon could see he was not alone. There were to other men with him. One of them was a mage, as he wore a long red robe. The other one was a warrior, wearing a mithril breastplate and strange looking yellow colored gaiters. As Alchon took the food and the water, eating and drinking like a wild animal, since it was clean and proper food, the three men just stood there, looking at him. They spoke to each other in a strange language, but Alchon knew they were talking about him. He heard they dropped his name a few times.

                                            When he was finished with the food, one man took the bowls and walked away. Now the mage stepped in front of him.

                                            ‘How are you feeling, Alchon. Do you have any serious injuries?’ he friendly asked. Alchon could not resist this friendly man.

                                            ‘I have multiple bone fractures, and one of my ribs has grown in my lung, which hearts like hell,’ he mumbled.

                                            The mage put his hands together, which caused a white light to appear in his hands. He said some words, and pointed his hands at Alchon, and a small white ball approached him. Alchon wanted to run, but was unable to move. His memories went back to that day he died, they day Makor killed him. But then again, this was different. The mage was friendly, the ball was white. So Alchon let it go, let everything go.

                                            ‘Wake up, Alchon.’

                                            ‘Wha… what?’ said Alchon, suddenly awake, and looking around him.

                                            He was in a large room, filled with luxury and treasures. He was in a palace, so he thought. He saw the mage standing in front of him.

                                            ‘How are you feeling, Alchon?’ he asked, for the second time this day.

                                            ‘I… I am feeling great,’ Alchon suddenly noticed. He did not have pain, he could talk normal, he could move normal. He stepped out of the bed, and make a small jump.

                                            ‘I have never felt so good before!’ he loudly said.

                                            ‘Good, but now be quiet,’ The mage began.
                                            ‘There is a reason why you are here, there is a reason why we took you from your cell. There is also a reason why the place was deserted. We need you, now more then ever. I am glad you feel great, because you got a large fight waiting for you. Now sit down, and let me tell you my story.’

                                            #22   Neo 

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                                              Posted 25 March 2005 - 02:46 PM

                                              // I am sorry I havent typed more the last few weeks. I was busy, and only began on the next chapter yesterday. here is it.

                                              Get ready to Fight

                                              ‘Many years ago, I saw you.’
                                              ‘Saw me?’
                                              ‘I saw you dying, in your own house. I saw you getting killed by Kamor.’
                                              ‘Then why did you not tried to save me?’
                                              ‘I couldn’t. I saw you, but I wasn’t there. I was following you for a long time, because I knew you were special. When Kamor killed you, I was sure. I went on research, about your life, your family, your friends. I found out you were in possession of a strange Necklace. It was called “The Necklace of Jusho”. The owner was a demon, and also the father of Kamor. It seemed like it was in one of the lootings you and your guards captured. Kamor wanted it back, and did it by killing you. But the strange thing was, he didn’t found it. I also found out, that the one who owned the Necklace, would not be able to lose it, As the Necklace would disappear in his skin, and become part of him. The Necklace is in your body, Alchon. Not the whole necklace, but the essence of it. The spell is put on you. You can call it a gift, or a curse. You have to power to use the same magic as Kamor, Alchon. You can use fire spells, electric spells, whatever you want. Kamor wanted it, as it would have made his powers stronger. He thought you would not have it, and gave up. But I knew you still had it, and followed you for long. This night we went to action. My men went on the stealth mission to free this prison. And it worked, all the demons are gone here.’
                                              ‘And what now?’ said Alchon, still astonished about what he just heard.
                                              ‘Now you need to learn using your powers. Then, you and my men will conquer the demon city.’
                                              ‘saying it sounds so easy,’
                                              ‘Doing it will be easy, too. Once you learned how to use these powers. You can wipe out whole cities with one blow! Don’t you understand what powers you have?’
                                              ‘I do, but I do not want to use them in such way!’ Alchon replied, losing his temper. ‘I want to kill Kamor, and stop the assault on earth, but now more. I do not need to wipe out the whole Demon race. There is a certain group which need my attention, not everybody. There are demons who do not deserve to die.’

                                              And so it happened; Alchon started his studies in the Black Demon Art, to learn how to control such powers. But he would not use it to destroy the Demon city, or anything else around it. He would kill Kamor, and the people who met him after his arrival in this world. Kenn – which was the name of the Magician – disagreed, but could not change Alchon’s decision. Four months of hard training followed, in which he learned to control 2 elements. Fire and Earth. He gained the powers to create Fireballs, large fumes, and even a whole sea of fire. From the Element Earth he learned how to cause earthquakes, how he would be able to make spires pierce trough bodies from the ground. He should feel happy, but he wasn’t. the fact that he was using Black Arts made him darker, made him feel bad, made him feel just like the demons. His powers weren’t all that strong, it could have been compared with a recruit, or a teenager in the Demon’s community. But although he felt horrible, he also felt stronger, and he had more trust to survive the upcoming battle.

                                              ‘Alchon, come here,’ Kenn said.
                                              Alchon crossed the room, took a chair and sat down next to Kenn.
                                              ‘I still have some things to say before you leave,’ Kenn continued.
                                              Alchon had trained hard for months, and he met the group of men which would fight with him. There were two groups, both had a number of twenty men.
                                              ‘I want you to be the leader of the 1st group. That group has more experience, and many of them started to know you quite well. Furthermore, they want an experienced leader, someone who had the position of a commander before. You were captain of the militia, so you are the best man for the job. Nick, a good friend of me, and also an experienced fighter, will be leader the second group. You and your group will take a small path outside the west side of the camp, hiding behind the dead trees and bushes. The camp has a number of a hundred tents, each has 2 men inside. So that means they have more men. Furthermore there are about 10 magicians in the group. So make sure they are killed first. Nick will take the path on the eastern side of the camp. Of your twenty men, make sure ten of them have bows, with gasoline and some old clothes to tie around the arrows. Set the arrows on fire and let them shoot on the tents. Three arrows a man, you will have the advantage of surprise, but the men we are facing are not any dumb soldiers. They are skilled mercenaries, and the surprise will only last a few minutes. So make sure you will kill as many as you can before they are getting serious.
                                              ‘I understand,’ Alchon replied. He knew that the upcoming fight would be difficult, if not impossible. Many of the men would die, and maybe he would die too.

                                              ‘Larry, go check if there are any guards,’ Alchon whispered.
                                              They set out two days ago, and last night the two groups had split up. Alchon and his group followed the path along the western side of the camp, and Nick’s group followed went to the east. There had been no resistance yet, but they were now almost at the position to start firing arrows. One man of Alchon’s group would fire the first arrow as a sign, and then all 20 men – 10 from both groups – would start firing.
                                              Larry came back, reporting there were no guards. It seemed like they weren’t expecting any activity, or a fight this night. the group went on, walking past several tents. It were small, round tents. They were all colored in gray. There was a small opening at one side, not large enough to let more then one man go trough, and even a large man would have had trouble getting trough.
                                              The reached their destination.
                                              ‘We will wait for ten minutes, and then we will fire the first arrow. After that I want everybody to fire the arrows. All at the same time. Two arrows per tent, not more, not less. If you shot all your arrows, throw away your bow, as you won’t need it anymore. I want all of you to get in groups of four, and when I give the signal, you will move in the camp. We will spread out, and I want everybody to give the mercenaries a quick death. No torturing, as we need to hurry, the advantage of surprise will only lasts a few minutes. These men are smart, and are very skilled in fighting, we need to kill at least fifty of them, so there are fifty left when the real battle begins.
                                              ‘Yes, sir,’ the men replied, whispering.

                                              The first arrow went into the air, and soon after that the other arrows were shot too. From the other side, Alchon could see the other group shooting arrows too. The tents went up into flames, and everything went as planned… till it began to rain.

                                              #23   Neo 

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                                                • Location:Netherlands
                                                • AKA Neo_Genesis

                                                Posted 14 April 2005 - 02:20 PM

                                                Next chapter. I would really appreciate some feedback for my story, as I will not keep writing without anyone reading it.

                                                -----

                                                The Beginning of the End


                                                ‘Form two groups! Forget the four-man group! The surprise advantage is gone.’
                                                The men came near each other, trying to cover the backs of their friends. The enemy had a huge advantage now, because of their numbers. They only lost about twenty men. The plan was to kill at least hundred. This would be a huge battle, which they would probably lose.
                                                ‘Left side, get to the wooden wall. Take cover and start shooting. Right side get to the cover of the trees, try using the trees and bushes to overcome them. The middle group, including me will stay here, holding off the main force!’
                                                the group split up in three, each taking another direction. Alchon and his group stayed, taking the most damage.
                                                The battle was one big fog. Alchon saw nothing, the only way he knew which man he had to hit, and which one not, was because he recognized their logo’s, worn on their chest. Slashing around, seeing different parts of bodies fall around, he and his men started taking advantage. The reason was unknown, but the enemy was driven back. Maybe the only reason for this was because Alchon’s troops went berserk when they were attacked.
                                                The fight went into the third hour. Alchon managed to push the Mercenaries back, and now both sides built a small wall in front of them, giving them cover. It was fairly quiet now, only a few men fighting. Some young men came by, giving water to the ones who needed it. Alchon drank, but not too much, as there wasn’t much water here in this dry land. Strange, it rained in a country which usually had no rain during the biggest part of the year. It was now summer, which made it especially strange.
                                                ‘Their coming trough the right flank!’ a soldier yelled, running towards Alchon.
                                                Alchon stood up, took his sword in his hand, and started running.
                                                ‘I need twenty men with me, the rest stay here and defend if they try taking another flank!’ he yelled, why running towards the battle.
                                                He was wrong, they did not tried to take another flank. Instead, they threw their full army and power into the right flank. They breached the wall, and were coming trough. Alchon sent a messenger which went back to get the rest of the soldiers, and Alchon stepped towards the first enemy in reach, killing him before the Mercenary even managed to look at him. The second died soon after that, and from that moment he went into berserk again, slashing around, trying to kill as much enemies as possible. He noticed they were pushing them back again, for the second time. As soon as the last Mercenary was killed behind the wall, they came running with new trees and other useful stuff to keep the breach closed. The attacked stopped, and from what Alchon could see, the Mercenaries lost over a hundred men. They were in the majority now, and had almost twice as many men as the Mercenaries did now.
                                                ‘Get ready to counter!’ he yelled. He ordered the men to remove the wall, so they could walk past it. Alchon decided to attack with every man he had. That was the only way to crush them.

                                                ‘Watch out!’ somebody yelled, as soon as they reached the enemy. What Alchon did not know, was that there were new Demon Magicians. From what he could see they were with seven. Furthermore there were about 40. the magicians threw a huge back ball at his men, which killed much, and some even flew trough the air. Alchon put his sword back. ‘Stop! Retreat! Retreat!’ he yelled, while putting his hands together. While his men ran back, he started with a spell. A large fireball emerged from his hands, flying right at the magicians. As soon as the spell hit the target, the flames flew to all sides, not only hitting and killing all the seven magicians, but also several other Mercenaries. He turned around.
                                                ‘Come back! The magicians are gone! Attack! Attack!’ he yelled, while taking his sword. He was the first one running into the enemy barricade, jumping over it while killing his first victim. Turned around, while spinning his sword, gave him another two kills. At the time he attacked the third his men jumped over the barricade, starting the slaughter.

                                                ‘How many survived?’ Alchon asked Nick.
                                                ‘we have fifty-seven alive men, from which twelve are wounded, but still able to fight. Three are heavily wounded, and will probably not make this day.
                                                The sun was shining, after they fought the whole night. they killed all Mercenaries, except one. He managed to escape, and would probably go back for help.
                                                ‘We need more men. If Kamor shows up with his Demon army, we need at least a few hundred men to survive for a few days, and even more to win.’
                                                Alchon was sure that Kamor would reach their army in a few days. He also knew that they would get no help.
                                                ‘I know we won’t get any more help. But that just means we cannot win. We have fifty-seven men who are alive. Fifteen from them can’t even fight well. If Kamor shows up, he will have at least an army of a thousand men. If he attacks tomorrow, we will not be ably to hold them off longer then a few hours.’
                                                Nick didn’t answered, as no words were needed for this situation.
                                                The next day, the look out yelled. Kamor was coming.


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