[Andross]

For fun, I have written the first two poems that I will eventually combine into a poetic ensemble. The ensemble has no title just yet, but I do have two poems right now. I showed 'em to a few people, and they liked 'em, so now I want opinions from others. What do you think? Here are the two I have completed for the most part. I may want to make changes later on. BTW: You'll probably need to figure out a good beat to read the poems in. It more plays along with a flow like one of Pink Floyd's songs

(Hey, was I supposed to post this somewhere else though? There was no mention of anything made in other forum descripts., so, yeah :()

Hello
Greetings stranger.
Welcome now.
Are you a friend?
Or foe?
Will you let me know?
Do you know?
It is not to worry.
No hurry.
Come now.
Sit down.
Let us talk for some time
wasting the rhyme
throughout the day.
We ponder our lives
and meanings of what we say.
Come and stay.
Join me please.
I will not be at peace
if I cannot confess,
or I shall distress
to what’s at hand.
Is there something wrong?
Not happy along?
Just relax, and let the bubbles burst.
I need some information first
before you take the actions yourself.
Are you hurt?
Can I help?
Can I feel?
Or will you stick up your nose
into my face
and rub all over how I am a disgrace
and how I ruined life,
when it wasn’t even me
but you were it,
and couldn’t see.
Blinded by fiction of only you know
that you took as truth or personal woes
and forgetting to examine the truth,
your rash actions destroyed the sooth.
Is there time in the day
to convince
how you are wrong.
And how I was wrong
And how we should just
get along.
Or discuss in trust
Of what we must
do here now
in the dust.
I must know.
Is it so?
Is it truth?
Is it sooth?
Are you okay?
Do you need to be shown the way?
Are your resources exhausted
like our brothers round the world
begging on the streets
for a little bit of wealth of their own,
and to have no peril,
or troubling lives
that make them wish they could give up and die.
I must stop the distress.
Can we help?
Is there trouble
in the rubble
still
consuming us
eating until ill?
My rant draws long.
But I am not done.
Stay now.
My fellow.
Has the pain grown?
Are you feeling numb?
But do not worrying.
There shall be no more.
Unless they do not stop.
Will they learn
that to take a turn
a change must be made?
They do not need to make a right or left.
Just turn.
And stop.
And look.
And listen.
And open their eyes to their lucid crimes.
It does not help
if they make us scream out in pain
and terror
and with careful sad cries,
so we give them
what they want.
And it does not help.
I still know you’re here.
You haven’t left me,
right dear?
I have more to say.
Do not run away.
I have covered the world’s chaos
in one mere lashing.
But of life?
There is still more to say.
Hello good man.
Stay friend.
Life I say
I discuss.
Please stay.
Become comfortable
good gent.
Do not get bent.
It shall be fine.
We have time.
An infinitesimal
of years
and tears
and triumph
and strife
and all that makes the world go round.
And all that makes life occur
and chaos ensue
and death.
So hello.
And stay.
And listen.
And pay
with attention
or the world
goes awry.
Do not
please
ignore me.
Listen.
---------------------------------------
Real
Fellow over there,
was it worth it
to take the dare
and pull your hair?
Real?
Or true?
Is it right to ensue
such a thing
such as this
such as that
don’t dismiss.
You wanted.
You begged.
You wished it was needed.
And you got it.
Won and triumphed.
But was it good for you?
Or me?
Or them?
Or us?
Or they?
Or all?
Or him?
Or she?
Or the boy across the street?
Was it for a real cause
of truth and justice?
Can you feel it?
Can you touch it?
Do you see it?
Hear it?
Smell it?
Use your sense, but can it be sensed
For no sixth
seventh
eight
or tenth
can get it.
Is it real?
Is it solid?
Is it visible,
transparent,
or hollow?
How do you know
it was the right way
to go?
Is it so
you are right
and they are wrong
and they be fools
of no morals?
You’re high in your rank
sitting in the tank
while the enemies try
and devise
with all despise
to throw out
and kill you
throttle
anger
push
enrage you.
Your ignorance
is not bliss.
You’re idiocy
never amiss.
They can’t climb the tank you say
and throw you away
into a heap of trash
you say?
Your wrong
is not gone.
You’re incorrect
I suspect.
They’ll get you.
So run.
Run like hell.
Damnit, don’t look at me
like that.
With a blank in your eye.
Listen or suffer
or die or torture.
Shall I spit?
Yes.
Should I have spat?
No.
And with contradictions abound,
you hound,
you dog,
you worthless log.
Was it all for real?
Did it come out to be a steal?
Was sacrifice
able to be
a good suffice?
Touch it
and tell me.
Or I give hell to thee.
Fool.
Touch it!
Do not disagree!
You should not displease
me.
And when those around you
collapse upon
you’ll have no more happy songs
that of which anyone at all cares for.
And when you find you’ve lost your mind
and put into a cage of steel,
the electric eel of fear will wrap around you
and shock your heart away to death
and shred the very life you met
in trampling the grounds that don’t love you.
Was it for the truth
and sooth
and fact
and real things that can be felt?
Or was it a fake
a forge
a shape that exists nowhere?
Was it worth it at all?
Was it for real?
The deal
was unjust
was cruel
was unusual
was painful
was wrong
was no song
of joy
happiness
or any uplifting quality.
It was not
real.

[MysticWarrior]

O.o Very very very very very nice. Better than what I can do in a long shot.

[Andross]

Thank you ^_^
Mind you, there are some errors...just be forwarned, heh.

[Andross]

Sorry for double posting, but I have a new poem I made, and I also want some feedback on this! Yes, I'm cheap! Hey, it's not like a wasted double post, so don't get all uptight on me!

------------------------------
Come On
Come
on
and
try me.
Lie
to me.
Die
for me.
Will
you?
You lie.
In my eye.
Your trust is diminished
You’re a life that is finished
You should run away
While it’s still in the day
And you have a chance
To escape through the hole
Because we’ll come after you
You lying fool
Don’t try and trick us.
For we know what you’ve done
and what you did
and how you did it
and when it was done
and why at all.
Do not try and fool us
and if you dare
I.
We.
All of us say
come on.
But the trick to the slip is that you need to realize the time you stole away from those deserving pay
you lowlife man
who buries his head
in the sand.
Just come on
and
try me.
Because us and them are all the same men
but you don’t think at all of that fact when you go
and maul the innocents who have a right to hate you
and now I say
come on.
You coward
you cowered
away from pain
and shame
and miserable feelings.
You know you were wrong
But were blind to it all
And that watching.
We knew.
So, come on.
You think you can get away
with all this bull
and say
that you are master of all
and smarter than all?
Just come with me
and ask me some questions
and I’ll do so to you
and we’ll see who’s the truth
and who’s the lie
and who wasted their time
and who’s in the right
and who’s in the wrong
and we’ll know once and for all
that it comes down to one basic fact.
You’re gone.
You’re done.
I won.
Come on.
Do you really think you could win?
Do you really think you would master forever?
Are you sure it was going to end some other way?
Are you sure it wouldn’t come down to such a disgrace?
Did you know you were found out?
Did you know you were caught before the first round was shot?
Have you seen the end of your rule?
Have you seen the end of you being cruel?
And if you haven’t
or still don’t believe
then come with me
and you’ll see
you’re over.
So just try
and come on.

[MysticWarrior]

o.o How long did it take you to make those? They're awesome, like I said before.

[Andross]

LOL, the first two took a while to just type up. I think an hour. The second one just came to me. I did it in about ten minutes.

[Luna]

...
..
..
..
*goes on forever*
..
...
*speechless*
..

d00d, those are T3H awesome x.x
..if you're looking for a place to post them, go to www.deviantart.com You can post all types of art there, including poetry and prose.

I have an account here ^.^ http://shuriluni.deviantart.com

[Andross]

Look, I made another one! It didn't take long, but still took thought though. Check it:

Is All?
All that you touch
and all that you see
and all that you hear
and all of which to me
is what you use
to survive among the men
who could come along
and strip your home
of all in its stead?
Is all that you feel
and all that you know
really how it plays out
in the game you slow?
The moon eclipses the sun
and the sun to the moon
and they all obscure the secrets
revealed at noon.
Will we ever know if all as meaning or not?
Will someone console the bereaved and tell them we’ll not be shot?
Is all that you love
and all that you breath
all the more meaningful to you or me
as the dawn of the sun
and the dusk brought by the moon
or all the secrets revealed at noon?
Is midnight when all hides
or reveals like the day?
Is darkness what reveals how much we really say?
Is all the matter we know of really all we know?
Is there more than just what is seen in the luminous glow?
Can people really know if all has to be this way?
Or is logic just illusion in this grand essay?
Are we all here for reasons that can be grasped
or are we here for no possible item of fact?
Is all that seems real to you
really fake to me?
Or is all that seems real to me
really fake to you?
Are there differences between all men
is there an us and them?
Are all the questions I’m asking considerably grand
in size and scope
and breadth and width
that no one understands
what possibly could all relate to in the very end?
Does the wolf howl for silver light
or howl for day to come?
Does the cat purr for its pleasure
or for the man to go?
Are apes of jungles really related
to what I am today?
Is all that is now developed from all the same?
Can you help me to answer the questions I’m faced with?
Or will you wonder in awe with me
on the grassy knoll I miss?
Is this grassy knoll really there
I feel like it’s phony.
Is the air true
the clouds pure
or leaves of trees for real?
I ask so much, we know so little
I feel I am belittled?
How small are we
compared to all
that’s out there beyond me?
Are you going to figure it out
or wait here by my side?
As we wait for answers that could come in by stellar tides.
Will good prevail over evil in the very end?
At the end of day, can I go with peace to bed?
Will they try and help me out
or you
or us
or them?
To answer all the questions that could merely just condemn.
A man should never think of what’s not his duty.
But it’s only the nature to wonder of such musings.
Is all the air we breath
actually there?
Do I dare to answer,
or step aside and wait?
Is all the things visible to the naked eye
in real time floating there on the grassy green tides?
Is all for real?
Is all for truth?
Is all for trust?
Is all for lust?
Is all for us?
Is all for them?
Is all for none?
Is all?

[MysticWarrior]

I refuse to believe you can make such good works in 10 minutes.

[Andross]

LOL, it's true XP

I'm just weird like that, I guess. So much bottled creativity, now getting the chance to be released, right? Heh. And NO, I didn't steal anything from anyone. These are all completely original. I just want to say this because there might be doubters.

The reason I can do it so fast is that my ideas flow VERY fast through typing, rather than when writing. I can't express ideas in writing with my hand as easy because it takes much longer, and I lose my thought on what I was going to put down. With typing, I can just let it all pour out, very fast too.

Well, thanks for all the comments. And I do apologize for any weird grammatical/spelling errors. I know there are a few. ^_^

[Luna]

O.o, I believe you, I do the same thing. Ideas flow 20 thousand times better through typing that anywhere else n.n;;...at least for me n.n;;

[MysticWarrior]

Me three. Sometimes, when I'm writing an essay, I have so many ideas that my writing goes slower than my thinking and so my thinking gets so far ahead of me I forgot what I was writing...

[Luna]

If you have more stuff like this, you should deffinetely join deviantART.... but be careful, some of it could be stolen, even posting it here is dangerous >.<

[Elliott]

Nice work Andross, keep it up. I'm not much of a poet, more into writing songs myself.

[Andross]

Look, a new one! Or two :P

Crazy
Thinking...
Thinking...
Thinking the day away.
Bouncing the voices inside my head with manic frenzy, and instead
I’ve got a headache.
Headache.
Aching away with horrible pain
I don’t think I can take it
Take it away!
But I’m not crazy.
I’m not insane.
Just a little out there.
I need a little rest.
Maybe I should go to bed.
But I don’t need padded walls who restrict all my calls of my plea.
That I’m not
CRAZY!
CRAZY!
I’m not insane
“He’s crazy”
No I’m not,
you’re going to get shot
“He’s crazy”
Shut it boy,
you’re nothing but a toy
you got no right thought in your head,
so head back to your bed,
and I tell you
I’M NOT CRAZY!
So what if I’m told
to kill all the sins
by the God of old?
It means nothing of trouble
and I still have my head,
so don’t burst my bubble,
because you’re wrong!
I’m not CRAZY!
Crazy as the rabid dog on the street that barks for food.
I don’t foam at the mouth,
I just follow my orders
without causing disorder
but I must say
that you shall pay
for calling me CRAZY!
“He’s crazy”
No I’m not,
shut up or you’ll be shot.
Your insolence is pain
to me and my head.
The aching is back
and all because of you
and now I’ve been told
that you are NEXT!
“You’re crazy!”
No I’m not,
I’m coming after you.
You’ll be shot!
Get away from me,
or I’ll kick and I’ll scream,
just because of the voices
and how I back away
from the friendly bidding
to go all away,
I still think that you’re wrong
and have no true song
to sing with all happiness.
But I, I have bliss.
My good Lord shall watch me
and as he is my Shepard,
will lead me the way
out of pain
out of darkness,
and then you shall pay
for all your insolence.
But I tell you,
I’m not CRAZY!
I’m not out of my mind.
You’re wasting my time,
who are you strange men?
“He’s crazy”
What are you talking of,
the gibberish grows loud.
You rambunctious group,
you bunch of louts.
“You’re crazy.”
Stop saying that,
I can’t take the hits anymore.
I’m getting sore,
and they will not stop.
Please do not.
You will get shot.
“Crazy.”
I’m sorry again,
I’m not right in my head,
just take me to bed,
I’ll go with you to the cell,
all white with hell,
if it makes you feel better,
and you stop hitting me.
My Lord, I have failed,
will you ever forgive me?
And now I’m being pushed
into who knows where on Earth.
When can I get out of here,
and have some beer?
I feel like a coke,
could I have a little smoke,
my man next door,
may I have a little more?
The ache has abated,
my head clear of Satan.
How could I have been fooled,
Lord, it is the truth,
he confused me,
abused me,
but never I shall more
kill the innocents.
“You’re not crazy.”
But I am,
do not fool me good man,
I still have a little sick,
won’t you realize my stick?
I don’t want to leave,
you can’t make me,
I still have a hurt,
and there’s still a little burnt
crisp inside me.
Don’t leave me.
The sun,
it hurts my eyes.
Oh look at the sky.
What a nice little surprise.
But there’s something in my head.
What’s going on?
Where am I again?
Back in a bed
of white padded pillows.
I see blood on my hands
that was washed away in sand.
What happened ever to me?
Was it all a dream?
Was I ever out,
Or did I have a lapse
in memory?
I must be CRAZY!
Unmistakably, positively crazy.
There’s nothing to dispute,
I am merely mute,
at the fact that I am
simply an ordinary man
who’s crazy.
There’s no mistake about it.
I’m crazy.
Crazy.
Crazy.
I can’t escape the pain.

-----------------
This next one is a bit unique, merely because it goes into a sub-poem. You'll see...:

Relax
Relax as I slowly spit out the words that I say.
Hey hey.
Come now, as I put down right now a long line of mine that relaxes my mind.
It’s all right now, so if you’d come now, we’ll just breathe the cool air without any despair.
And as I sit here under the sky wasting my time I think of luck.
How lucky I am to be a regular man with a normal life and not a bit of strife.
But think of those not like me, stuck in small trees, and they aren’t free. But me?
I’m fine. Just wasting my time, with no cares in the world, and could just completely unfurl
my anguish.
But for what? It’s gone. I’m good again. My relaxation is at hand.
I do not worry for what I cannot do, because right now I’m just on high,
in a wonderful cloud nine.
But what about you? Without further adieu, could you tell me.
What of your life, of any strife?
Are you relaxed like me, feeling the cool breeze,
sniffing the clean air without any care.
Just don’t be afraid to let it go, because it’s because you
so
sit there. Breathe in the air. Let go of everything and anything that may be precious, so seems.
Lying on the grass, do you see what you can grasp without thinking?
Can you get the easy meat, now that you have no further reason to be discreet and withholding.
Are you molding?
It’s all alright, just brush the dust aside.
Now sleep.
Seep into a black hole of relaxation and of holy feelings.
Are you getting closer,
almost there?
Are you running out of air?
It’s alright, you’re still here,
so you can inhale dear.
Very good friend, you are realizing what’s at hand.
Now just slow down.
Look around.
Look at the ground you’ve been around all your life.
It’s been good to you, has it not?
You never have fought over such a minor thing.
Look at what you bring.
Life is all around.
Don’t be afraid to see what you’ve grown here.
A big fruitful tree.
Take a bite. One of the big apples in sight.
Just relax and think now.
Are you feeling the stink now?
----Chaos
You’ve committed the cardinal sin,
and you’ve ruined it all again
you hell raising snitch.
Why did you do it?
You ate it!
Why did you listen to me?
The moment is gone,
the sweet sweet song
is painful.
The lutes are now guitars
electric with scars
ripped right through them.
The men are getting mad
because you’ve made them sad
by ruining life that seems to me
is great the way it is.
His work is mighty
and you are weak.
And your stupid knowledge has made you reek
with the smell of sin
you stupid old man.
Why did you do it?
The relaxation is gone.
You can’t relax.
Run around.
The chaos is abound.
The world is collapsing. All around.
And with deathly loud sounds
of curses and cruel hounds
proclaiming you name
as the one to be maimed.
You better run away,
because it’s time for judgement day,
and before long,
you’ll become part of the song
we sing at death.
The black robe comes,
so run away from the sun.
Hide in the dark,
where he can’t make his mark,
because that’s where you’re safe.
Or did I lie like the snake?
You stupid young man,
you’ll be choked with sand,
and slaughtered,
tortured,
grown into pain,
and then from it.
And the world will be a curse.
Because you.
Yes you.
Decided to be a fool.
Chaos erupts, and the relaxation is thrust
away.
So goodbye cruel world,
and as I wait for the worm dressed in black.
I announce to all of you
I’ll be back with a stew
that shall eat all away.
It will be good pay.
The chaos will abide,
and in some time,
the good things again,
will return.
Relax again my friend.

[Eugine]

Very nice work, All are nice but I really enjoyed Crazy.

[Elliott]

Good use of words there Andross, your pretty talented in that area. Keep it up!

[Neo]

make a book or something... i will buy it!

[Elliott]

Hey yeah, thats a good idea, put all your poems into a book (you may want to copyright those ones you know, anyone could steal then).

[MysticWarrior]

(Andross showed me this page)

Once you make a peice of work, it's immediately copyrighted to you. The sentence copyrighted to andross is just there to justify the fact that it's his. However, even without the sentence, it's still his and copyrighted to him.

[Andross]

Exaclamente!

It's already protected under federal law. Actually buying a statement that says you own the work merely provides you more protection and makes going to court easier.

[Nick Presta]

Andross, you already know I like the first four. I really enjoyed Crazy too.

Good work. Keep it up.

[Elliott]

Actually if you put anything at all on or around it saying it's copyrighted then it's anyones to take. But you can sue for intellectual property rights (which is saying that you though of it first). example copyright...

Copyright 2004 Andross.

[Andross]

Again, you don't need a copyright. As long as it isn't anonymous (which it isn't, since it was obviously posted under my name), it's copyrighted.

Source:
http://aimee.wyvernw...yright/faq.html

[Elliott]

Ahyes, I guess if it's under your own name people can't take it (but it;s still good to copyright anyways).

[Eugine]

Waits for next poem... *Crazy!* Anyways yes its good to copyright.

[MysticWarrior]

-.-;; It's already copyrighted to you if you make it. You don't NEED a statement.

~MOVED~

[Izar]

This forum is really for stories, but, like you said, this is close to just a writing forum, so, I guess your poems can stay

I've wrote short poems of my own. I got good ratings in all the sites that they have been featured in. Note: not only that, but they deal with my religion. Ratings I was given are on the side, lol, I stored all this on notepad and had to edit/modify it so it would fit on this... Hopfully I did not acidentally delete/edit text...:

---LOST CROSS--- (9.5:10) "Very good and in depth to your beliefs, I like it."

I look up
You look down
Blood stained cross
On Holy ground
Nailed from hatred
Nailed for crime
His blood will stay
'Till the end of time
Look yet again
Down the row
Application of death
You and I know

---DEATH---(8:10) "A good one, yet, lacks a true statement. It's about death, I know, but, what I mean is that it lacks a bit if, zing, shall I say? Still good and you gave it a shot, I can tell."

Died and tried, toil of pain
Hated and burned
Foes are slain
As flames do turn
Death is awaiting
Is iT yOuR tUrN?

---SIN---(8:10) "Well, it's pretty good, but, like the one above, I don't see the true message and is hard to follow, good though."

What about Sin?
Why is it here?
Why shed the tear?
Why go through Fear?
Why ordain the near?
What about sin?

---Shattered Glory---(10:10)"Great all around! I understand the topic and I clearly see the message, overall, It's a perfect score and what deserves praise. Great all around"

You push and shove
Hate the love
Think your all great
A real first rate
But you know what?
Why the rut?
You think your grand
Every thing in demand
But look and see
You cannot feed
God's thunder will come
And you'll feel the run
Of shattered old glory
And the blast of the gun
Blow the trumpet
And you will see
Shattered old glory
Of life's little seed...

---CALL TO THUNDER---(8:10)"Very strange one you got here, Like the two eight scores I gave. This one, as good as it seems, is VERY hard to follow."

Call down the rain
Call down the wind
Call down the glory
Break it
Take it
Make it
Fake it
Call Down the rain
Call down the wind
call down the glory
Bury
The fury
In a hurry
It'll come out
Call down the thunder.

---Iron Cloth---(9:10)"Now, I understand the concept of this one here. It's clear, but not as good as 'Shattered Glory' but, it still deserves credit."

Cold
The hardness
The endurance
The forged power of the hearth
Warm
The softness
The warmth
The woven power of the heart
And to who does this comply
Every man shall live and die
Become angry or cry
For at the end of time
It will all fade
Only hope will last

MY NEWEST ONE ---FOREVER MAN---

What has MAN's Sanity brought us today?
Technology?
Indeed a great one.
But What else?
Not only trying to see man as a GOD
But they have PUSHED
SHOVED
PULLED
GRABBED
Told you what to do.
Said "In GOD WE Trust"
and try to take that from you.
Take a stand
because what we are is not GOD.
Here is where WE stand
ON Earth
We can be living eternal
If we choose the right Path
To Freedom, To GOD's Love
To Truth
Justice
Our Own Pursuit of Happiness
I Don't like the drama you bring
I want to stick to mine
Because who I stand for
is THE FOREVER MAN


I submitted these to some guy who rates stuff like stories, poems, and stuff. I put the rating he gave on each. I never got a chance to send "FOREVER MAN" in because I forgot the email when I got XP and when I found it, I found out it's not in use anymore. Oh well.

[el_Sethro]

Really nice poems, Andross. you certainly have a talent for them. keep up the excelent work.

[Izar]

Yeah, no one seems to like mine.

[MysticWarrior]

What, you mean in your sig? I thought it was from a song, or something.

[Izar]

No, I mean this topic, the poems I posted here...

[Julian]

wow, Izar, i love the first two poems you did...
wow... i see the blood and gore right before my eyes...
holy cow... superb my fellow mod
andross, yours are great too, you got mad skills.

[catastrophe]

man...you just keep going on and on, your getting me thirsty. not bad.

[Mallick]

Andross have you ever considered selling your work just frame it and go out on the street and try aand sell it for 5 bucks