[Mars Djinni]

Felt like writing it last week. And so I did.

I dream everyday of the perfect world,
A glimpse of the glory days to come,
The dynasty of David,
The sovereignty of Solomon,
Legend upon legend,
I dream.

I dream of the day where the guns stop firing,
When peace descends upon the fight,
As forces no longer collide,
No longer shall they hide,
The sun, the light,
The peace, the hope,
Miracle upon miracle,
I dream.

I stand upon a riverbed,
When my Lord calls out to me,
Placing His hands,
filled with water, upon my head,
Christened with His Name,
I know I am free.

I stand amongst a nation,
Who, too, bears His Name,
Though a cross is borne around their neck,
A knife is held in hand all the same.

Through hurt and through harm,
Our name becomes stained.
We walk out with weapons instead of disarm.
What do we think to have gained?

Faith now hinders as it did benefit,
A nuisance as it was last a priority...
It is now the force of which people commit,
Dishonesty to grant superiority...

This is, now, a humble apology,
For my brothers and sisters at fault.
I am sorry for the wrongs of my people,
In debt to repay the pain,
The misuse of free will,
And the good from which we abstain...

So in exchange for my people's freedom,
Salvation to my brothers and sisters.

Just as my Lord took up his cross,
I shall do the same.
To repay the damage and the loss,
To purge clean all the shame.

I offer myself as a ransom for all,
An offering, as to answer my call.

All my talents and my strengths,
To everyone I shall bring,
To make sure that in the end,
Our robes again be white and dazzling,

And in the end, by example I shall lead,
For like my LORD in heaven above,
I was called to serve, not to be served,
So I ask of you, with all that I am,
To accept my 'sorry', that you well deserved,

My humble apology.

Revised - Friday, June 08, 2007

[Sea of Time]

I must say, the language you use is beautiful. But the picturesque visuals were not there for me. Still, I love the language you used, and how you essentially told a story with your words.

[Somia]

I really like it.
And I think you edited it a bit since the last version I saw. It's a beautiful sonnet like SoT said.

[Mars Djinni]

Yeaha! I got a bold "really" from Somia. XD

I fixed up the wording from the version you saw just to make it flow better.

[Mars Djinni]

I revised my fist poem for an anthology for English class.


Now this new piece is actually for a story I'm writing. It's the code of a group of defenders and ambassadors of the area the said story is set in. Based on the Seven Deadly Sins vs. The Roman Catholic Seven Holy Virtues. Simple, and might be a bit cheesy.

This is the code of which we abide,
to protect and defend, we lengthen our stride,
Upon the darkness and evil we stand,
likewise our virtue of which our honours demand!

Over Pride stands our humility,
Humbleness of tranquility.
Over Lust stands our heart,
Always pure from the start!
Over Gluttony stands our control,
Limiting overindulgence of the soul.
Over Greed stands our gratitude,
A simple charitable attitude!
Over Sloth stands out zeal,
Diligence, beyond the crowd's appeal!
Over Envy stands kindness,
Degeating jealousy with fondness.
Over Wrath stands our will to forgive,
So as to abide with the way to truly live!

This is the code with which we uphold,
The honour and grace shining forth in the light,
This is the way of the Forester Knight!

[Folcon]

It is pretty good. My only grief is that the last two stanzas of the body do not floow as well as the rest and through the rythem off. Otherwise, it kicked ass. One of my writing teachers would realy like it, I think.