[Split Infinity]

Remember those old text-based adventure programs? Neither do I, but the premise is the same. Start your post with the current circumstances of the Player, and then give the next poster two or more choices to select from. The next poster then continues the story thusly. Try to avoid going in loops or unnecessary dying.

You find yourself in an small room. Around you is a chair, a blacked-out window and a large ornate rug. Do you:

• Throw the chair out the window?
  
• Look under the rug?
  
• Examine the rest of the room?

You get the picture. Go, go, go!

[Toasty]

I'll look under the rug.

Under the rug there is a trap door. Do you:

• Eat the trap door
  
• Open the trap door
  
• Set the rug back down.

[Folcon]

I'll open the trapdoor.

Inside the trapdoor is a flight of stairs leading down. Do you:

• Go down the stairs
  
• Close the trap door and examine the rest of the room

.

[Split Infinity]

Trapdoors are too scary...

As you stand up, you catch a glimpse of a mouse running into a hole nearby. Do you:

• Catch and eat the mouse?
  
• Reach inside the hole?
  
• Catch and eat the light bulb?

[TheEnglishman]

Reach inside the hole. You find a mouse inside.
You find yourself in an small room. Around you is a chair, a blacked-out window and a large ornate rug. You are holding a mouse. Do you:

Throw the chair out the window?
Look under the rug?
Examine the rest of the room?
Eat the mouse?
Talk to the mouse?

[Lemontime]

Can we have an all of the above for that one?

You ate the mouse then tried to talk to it. The mouse is hereby inside you. You are the mouse. Do you:

Eat Cheese?
Gnaw on electrical wires?
Do the hampster dance?
Be a pet?

[TheEnglishman]

Gnaw on electrical wires.
BZZT! The shocking effects of electricity turned you human and put you in a different room.
You are in a grand hall with a throne in the centre. A man, presumably the King is sat in the centre. Exits are South, West and North.

• Go south
  
• Go west
  
• Go north
  
• Speak to the king
  
• Breakdance
  
• Waste time

[Folcon]

Speak to the king

The king ignores you.

Do you :

• Speak louder
  
• Hit him to get his attention
  
• Kill the king

[TheEnglishman]

Speak louder.
As you shout to get his attention the King finally notices you. "I say!" bellows the King, "It's that strange man who escaped from the prison!" As you stand bemused you are surrounded by guards on every side. Do you:

• Protest your innocence?
  
• Attempt to take on all the guards without a weapon?
  
• Claim the King is an imposter?
  
• Rush to the South exit?

[Folcon]

Protest your innocence

Thw king and gaurds don't beleave you. You are taken into custady and dragged back down to the dungon. You are now lock in a jail cell. There is a barred window in the east wall, the barred door on the west wall, a bed in the north east corner, and a chamber pot under the bed.

Do you:

A: Look out the window.
B: Sit on the bed on moap.
C: Use the chamber pot.

[Saturos S.]

Look out of the window.

When looking out of the window you see a giant gorilla beating people up.

Will you:
- laugh loudly and yell that it's safe where you are?
- tell the guard to do something about it because it's ruining your view?
- ask the king if he wants you to do something about the gorilla?

[Aquamarine]

Laugh loudly and yell that it's safe where you are.

Suddenly, the gorilla flings a banana at you! Man, it's going really fast! Will you:

- dodge it in the last second?
- take the hit like a man?
- open your mouth and swallow it?

[TheEnglishman]

Dodge the banana.
The banana hits the cell door and somehow knocks it off it's hinges!
You are stood in a cell with a barred window on the east wall, a bed in the northeast corner and a chamber pot. The only exit is to the west.
Do you:

• Go west?
  
• Look at the gorilla again?
  
• Jump on the bed?
  
• Question why a gorilla would be in a medievil setting?

[Toasty]

Go west.
Suddenly, a banana comes flying towards you from atop the flight of stairs that leads to the dungeon.
Do you:

• Eat the banana
  
• Catch the banana and throw it back
  
• Catch the banana and stick it in your ear
  
• Call the banana "Spike" and pretend it's a dog
  
• Order the banana to eat the person who threw it
  
• Do all of the below
  
• Do all of the above
  
• Do all of the above and below
  
• Moon the banana which is flying towards you

[I'm Always BROKE]

Catch the banana and stick it into my ear. Not hungry at the moment...

The gorilla comes back for his banana. He's looking angry. You?

• Give it back to him
  
• Quickly eat it infront his face
  
• Hide yourself behind the king
  
• Feed the gorilla the king instead of the banana
  
• Feed the banana to the king
  
• Have a boxing match with the gorilla
  
• Go home and watch tv
  
• Escape with a helicopter to Amsterdam

[Toasty]

Feed the banana to the king.

The ing is alergic to bananas and 'splodes! Do you:

• Pillage the kings exploded corpse
  
• Marry the gorilla
  
• Feed the kings remains to the gorilla
  
• Give the gorilla a banana cream pie
  
• Scream and run around like a maniac
  
• Open door number B

[Toasty]

Feed the banana to the king.

The king is alergic to bananas and 'splodes! Do you:

• Pillage the kings exploded corpse
  
• Marry the gorilla
  
• Feed the kings remains to the gorilla
  
• Give the gorilla a banana cream pie
  
• Scream and run around like a maniac
  
• Open door number B

[Someone Else]

Marry the gorilla

Before you know it you end up with a bunch of gorilla children!! Do you:

• Scream "OH SHI--"
  
• Feed the gorilla children "special" bananas
  
• Dance
  
• Run down the trap door from before and hide
  
• Play DS with the gorilla children
  
• Try to prove that you aren't the father (mother?)

[Toasty]

Even though screaming "OH SH--" seems like the most reasonable choice, I'll have to feed the gorilla children "special" bananas.

The special bananas make the gorillas high! Do you:

• Make them picture themselve running through a forest, and then scream "YOU HIT A TREE!"
  
• Try to get them drunk on top of that
  
• Dance! Too much booty in the pants!
  
• Force feed them peanut butter and jelly on buckwheat bread
  
• Try to convince the father/mother of the gorillas that you aren't their father/mother
  
• Pretend to be retarded
  
• Become retarded
  
• Pretend to be retarded and enter the special olympics

[Saturos S.]

Pretend to be retarted and enter the special olympics.

After the first race you find out that this crippled kid is using steroids. His handicapped friend in a chair for the handicapped on wheels (what are they called? :unsure:) confronts him and they end up fighting.

What do you do?

- Join the fight because you can easily take them on?
- Invite other people to come watch the fight and start taking bets?
- Hit youself on the head and tell everyone they did, then sue them for everything they own?

[TheEnglishman]

Hit yourself on the head.
Whoops! It looks like you've hit yourself too hard and have left unconscious. When you wake up, you find that you have been chucked out of the stadium.
You are in a lit up street filled with people. A large stadium holding the Special Olympics is to the South and the street continues North and West.
Do you:

• Go South and attempt to re enter the stadium?
  
• Go North?
  
• Go West?
  
• Talk to one of the people?
  
• Get jiggy with it?
  
• Question why the game has gotten so random?

[Lemontime]

Get Jiggy with it.
What kind of dance do you do?:

- The chicken dance?
- The macarina?
- Some lame-arse interperative dance?
- Sit on the floor?

[Aquamarine]

The macarina.

While dancing around you acidentaly stood on a button that will cause a nuclear explosion somewhere in the world. Do you:

- Run from the scene of the crime?
- Plead the button not to do the explosion?
- Grab some popcorn and watch the light show?
- Choose where the explosion is going to happen? Keep in mind that you can ONLY choose Lemontime's house.

[TheEnglishman]

Run from the scene of the crime.
You dash away, only to find yourself at a dead end!
You are standing in an alleyway with no apparent exits apart from south, which you just came from.
Do you:

• Go south?
  
• Cry?
  
• Establish a civilization which will last for thousands of years?
  
• Go to Burger King?

[Folcon]

Go south.

As you aproach the exit of the alley, you are stopped by a group of five street thugs, and they demand all your money.

Do you:

A: Beg and plead for them to show mercy?
B: Just give them the money and hope they leave you alone?
C: Say you have no money and hope the don't kill you?
D: Shout for help, hoping that some random superhero will save you?
E: Attempt to fight the gang?
F: Try and broker a deal of mercy for joining the gang?

[TheEnglishman]

Shout for a superhero.
You wait hopefully, expecting a caped crusader to help. Unfortunately, nothing happens. When you regain consciousness, you are in the same place, except with no money.
You are in a deserted street. There are only two exits: North and back into the alleyway, or continue South.

• Go north?
  
• Go south?
  
• Cry about getting mugged?

[I'm Always BROKE]

I'll go South. Much warmer there, can't stand cold.

Eventually you end up being in some kind of dessert. You meet up with an Egyptian man with a huge beard on a camel there. He's holding up a sabre against you and shouts at you in some islamitic language. You?

• Go back North.
  
• Ignore him and walk away from him continuing your journey to the random South. You might end up getting killed by Zombie Camel Bats though...
  
• Scream.
  
• Throw a cactus at him
  
• Push the guy back and ask him WTF his problem is
  
• Call your gorilla wife (or husband) and your gorilla childeren to beat the **** out of him
  
• Go East??

[TheEnglishman]

Go east.
You head east confused as to how a street can lead all the way to a desert.
You arrive at an oasis. The strange man is following. Exits are North, South, East and West from which the strange man is coming. All exits lead back to the desert.
Do you:

• Go North?
  
• Go South?
  
• Go East?
  
• Go West and confront the man?
  
• Hide in the oasis?
  
• Die?

[I'm Always BROKE]

Wtf Me111 you always choose my most boring options! T_T

Go West and confront the man. Since that was the meaning from my last picks. You shout at the man and call him names. He isn't pleased and now charges with his camel at you. What'll you do??

• Confront it.
  
• Run away screaming like a little girl.
  
• Again... throw a cactus at the man.
  
• Try to flirt with the camel (OMFG ENIMOL SECKS)
  
• Quickly dig yourself into the sand. From there you enter Scorpion Kingdom.
  
• Take a helicopter to Amsterdam

[Folcon]

Take a helicopter to Amsterdam

You are now in Amsterdam

Do you:

A: try to find a wayhome?
B: make Amsterdam your new home?
C: hunt down a kid named Diddy and kill him?
D: get a group of friends together and go back to the dessert to blow the stranger to ****?

[Toasty]

BTW, Hell and Ass aren't blocked by the language filter. So then why are you using asterisks?

ANYWAY. I'll get a group of friends together and blow the stranger to hell.
After a long and tiring journey of about 3 seconds, you finally get back to the desert with your "posse," and attempt to take the man "down to china town." The man holds a torch to his camel's ass as the camel let's loose a barrage of gas of biblical proportions. You and your "posse" are now burnt to a crisp, and left standing in the desert, eyes blinking. Do you:

• Shake off the black stuff and buy something from ACME
  
• Buy something from ACME
  
• Steal something the cyote got from ACME
  
• Eat pie
  
• OMG DESERTZORS!
  
• Cowboy in toast
  
• Shake it like a polaroid picture

[Someone Else]

Eat pie

As you and your friends eat pie a giant sandworm erupts from the ground! Do you:

• Cry and **** your pants
  
• Throw the pie at the worm
  
• Search your person for something else to use against the worm
  
• Attempt to befriend the worm
  
• Have an affair with the worm (you're still married to a gorilla)

[TheEnglishman]

Thorw the pie at the worm.
To your shock and surprise and stuff, the pie and the sandworm disappear into some strange time vortex!
You are now stood over a hole in the desert where the sandworm appeared. There is still a strange man there. Exits are North, South, East and West plus you can down the hole.

• Go North?
  
• Go South?
  
• Go East?
  
• Go West?
  
• Go down the hole?
  
• Knock the man down the hole?
  
• Run away?

(I don't know how much longer I'll play for. It's a bit too random for me.)

[Split Infinity]

That's the point...sort of.

You go west. A vast ocean lies in front of you. You see an ice cream booth. Do you:

• Buy a chocolate ice cream?
  
• Buy a strawberry ice cream?
  
• Buy a banana ice cream?
  
• Buy a vanilla ice cream?
  
• Buy a caramel ice cream?
  
• Buy a banana split?
  
• Swim across the ocean?
  
• Wander along the beach?

[Blue]

Wander along the beach.

You see a group of hot women, do you.
*strut manly up to them
*Run in the other direction
*Kidnap one of them.

[Split Infinity]

You introduce yourself as Wind Dude and invite them to a party in your pants, vaguely remembering some movie line. Do they:

• Slap you silly?
  
• Pull out the pepper spray?
  
• Call the police?
  
• Come to the party?

[I'm Always BROKE]

Bwahahh kidnap the hottest of them ofcoarse!

You tied the girl up, tossed her behind in your car and started driving. On the road however, you're getting followed by a truck with the other girls from the beach, and a couple of large builded guys. They're shooting at you. Do you...?

• Speed up and try to lose them out of sight.
  
• Drive into a construction site hoping they won't follow you.
  
• Get out of the car and give the girl back (LAME!)
  
• Get out of the car and use your super cheeseburger powers to squash the truck.
  
• Try to solve the problem by talking.

[Split Infinity]

Answer my post first!

[Someone Else]

Spam King, on May 24 2007, 01:18 PM, said:

You introduce yourself as Wind Dude and invite them to a party in your pants, vaguely remembering some movie line. Do they:

• Slap you silly?
  
• Pull out the pepper spray?
  
• Call the police?
  
• Come to the party?

DK skipped the post, I'll continue it.

The hot chicks pull out some pepper spray from somewhere in their bikini tops and spray it at the strange man who apparently had been following you for some time. He covers his eyes, coughing, and falls to the ground. Do you:

• Thank the hot chicks
  
• Thank the hot chicks and pull out a rubber
  
• Call your gorilla wife and admit to having an affair, then pull out a rubber
  
• Ask the chicks to accompany you as you explore in some direction
  
• Ask the chicks to accompany you to find out where the hell your friends went
  
• Go out to dinner with the chicks
  
• Ditch the chicks and continue in some direction
  
• Run off with the hot chicks and establish a lasting civilization of Amazon chicks
  
• Get the stranger back on his feet and try to comfort him
  
• Ask the hot chicks about how long they've known each other
  
• Question your orientation

[Blue]

You ask the chicks to accompany you. They agree and you continue down the shore line. Shortly you come across the Black Pearl with Captian Jack Sparrow standing next to it. He asks you to become his first mate. Do you...
* Agree
* Throw him into the ocean and take it for yourself
* Have a sexy party aboard with the chicks.

[Toasty]

HAVE A SEXY PARTY!!

You have a sexy party on Jack Sparrows fancy ship. Then some strange thing in a banana costume jumps into the middle of the crowd and starts yelling "It's peanut buttah jelly time!" Do you:

• Ignore it/him/her and continue with your sexy party
  
• tear off it's/his/her suit to see who/what/gender it is
  
• Get jiggy with it
  
• Shake your money maker
  
• Pull up to its bumper
  
• Tell Jack Sparrow to fire his cano(s) through its porthole
  
• Dance along

[TheEnglishman]

Shake my money maker.
Everyone's so astounded by your dance moves the ship crashes into a bunch of rocks!
You are stranded on a set of rocks. To the east the ship is stuck between two large rocks. Do you:

• Go east and try to move the ship?
  
• Go west and explore the rocks?
  
• Jump in the sea?
  
• Continue dancing?

[Folcon]

Continue dancing.

You have now used all you energy and have no food or water.
Do you:

• try and drink sea water for nusrishment?
  
• sit around and wait to die?
  
• Try to find fresh water somewhere?
  
• name a volyball Wilson and have it as your compainon while ignoring the girls?
  
• kill and eat Jack Sparow?

[I'm Always BROKE]

Sit around and wait to die while having non stop sex with the chicks. Hey I can add a little detail can't I? :D

After having non stop sex and exhausting yourself, you see a ship faraway in the horizon. However it's raining, so you won't be able to gain it's attention with fire.
Do you:

• Ignore it since you think it won't help at all, you'd rather die having sex than dying while waving around like an idiot.
  
• Try to get it's attention.
  
• Go deep into the island's jungle hoping to find a place to shelter yourself.
  
• Drink lotsa rum with Jack Sparrow.

[Split Infinity]

Get the rum!

As you and Jack try to lift to barrel, you realise too late that it is a transdimensional warping device, and find yourself in a Kingdom Hearts game. You both get into the Gummi Ship and fly to Disney castle, where Spiderman is having a wedding with Mary Jane. Do you:

• Cheer for them?
  
• Crash the party?
  
• Take either person for yourself? o_o
  
• Go find more rum?

[Folcon]

crash the party.

While wondering what the hell Spiderman and his girl are doing in Kingdom Hearts, and you ruining the party, Sora and Riku show up with Keyblades drawn.

Do you:

beg for mercy?
loudly declare that you are the new leader of the Heartless?
run away?
take queen Minnie hostage in hopes they will beleave you when you say you were just having fun?

[Split Infinity]

How do I perform the action 'having fun?'.

You summon Sephiroth and Cloud to your aid and run away on a Golden Chocobo. You abruptly fall off the edge of the world. Do you:

• Make something up, I'm at a loss. :D

[Someone Else]

You fall all the way down the black void off the edge of the world, and hit the bottom. You check for any injuries and find yourself mostly fine, albeit a little dizzy. Checking your surroundings you find that:

• It's sunset and getting dark here
  
• In your immediate area, it is a very green grassland. You can see a long way from here because of the lack of trees, but it's also fairly windy. There is a river with fresh water coming from the west
  
• You fell a long way and cannot see the floating continent that was your home
  
• To the East, there is range of mountains
  
• South, you can see some smoke. Could be a campsite or a village or just a wildfire
  
• West, the sun is setting behind some hills
  
• North, there doesn't seem to be much and you can see all the way to the horizon. Maybe it's an ocean.

Do you:

• Head East to the mountains
  
• Head South towards the smoke
  
• Head West towards the hills
  
• Head North to the horizon
  
• Gather any resources from the immediate surroundings to make camp and sleep

[Toasty]

Head north to the horizon.
You hit the horizon, but it's dissapeared! Do you:

• Wanna fanta?
  
• eat whatever's there
  
• bury yourself
  
• eat a can 'o beans
  
• become an old fart
  
• Go look for the hot chicks again

[Blue]

Burst out into the hallway "I AM THE WALRUS*
You realize that its rubbers stealing your stuff. Do you:
*Stab them
*Shoot them
*Summon me to fire them from Spam Cannon

[Toasty]

Summon Blue to fire them from the spam cannon.
Blue fires the people from the spam cannon! The people fly across the great southwest, and hit a mountain. But the impact causes a mudslide! Do you:

• Jump so high you end up in space
  
• Run
  
• Eat a burger
  
• Eat a space burger
  
• Eat the mud
  
• Pour BBQ sauce on the mud
  
• Use heat vision on the mud to solidify it
  
• Spank a monkey
  
• Slap a monkey
  
• Do the funky chicken
  
• IT'S PEANUT BUTTAH JELLY TIME!

[Blue]

ITS PEANUT BUTTAH JELLY TIME
The mudslide forms a giant banana that starts dancing. Do you:
* Dance with
* walk away slowly
* run away
*Charge your lazer

[Toasty]

CHARGE MAH LAZAH.
You charge your lazer. The lazer makes the banana spontaneously explode! Banana pudding starts to rain down from the sky. Do you:

• Stick your tounge out and eat it.
  
• Get an umbrella.
  
• Get a bucket.
  
• Start a worldwide pudding fight.
  
• Watch the hot chicks rub it all over themselves.
  
• All of the above.

[Caael]

Watch the hot chicks

But then they take off their masks and discover they are actually men!

Do you...

- Shoot them dead
- Run away
- Poke them
- Scream and faint

[Toasty]

Scream and faint.
You scream so loud, the universe tears itself apart in a nervous breakdown! Do you:

• Give the universe ADD pills
  
• Give the universe caffine
  
• Give the universe anti-depressants
  
• Shoot the universe
  
• Sew the universe back together
  
• Party boy the universe
  
• Take the universe down to china town
  
• Yell to all the hot chicks in the universe to follow you 'cause your gonna go party in the fourth dimension (where booby physics are WAY better)
  
• Graffleheinigargle (real word there. I made it up!)

[Someone Else]

Shoot the universe

The universe is dead! Do you:

*Eat the universe's corpse
*Create your own universe called WD's World
*Party in the void!
*shoot yourself

(I think Me111 was right, getting a bit TOO random)

[Toasty]

There's no such thing as too random!

I'll create a universe called WD's world.

You create a universe called WD's world. In that world, cows fly, and dragons named toasty eat the world. WD starts yelling "Party in my pants!" Do you:

• Go to the party