Pre-marital Sex & Pregnancy
#1
Posted 05 August 2007 - 10:49 AM
So, what are your opinions on the matter? Is it all right for a couple to have children without getting married? What are your thoughts on pre-marital sex? Are there any issues of morality that are involved, or can it be a "do what makes you happy" mentality? How does society see all this?
Serious topic, serious responses please.
#2
Posted 05 August 2007 - 11:00 AM
#3
Posted 05 August 2007 - 11:01 AM
#4
Posted 05 August 2007 - 11:08 AM
As for having children before marriage, well, I find it a little stupid, if you ask me. I know so many high school drop outs who had to give up on their dreams of being a _____ (fill in the blank with some sort of career) to raise their kid(s). I also know a lot of guys get freaked out when they hear their girlfriend is pregnant and leave them, making it so the girl has to raise the baby all by herself. Personally, I would use every method of protection possible because I 1) am too goal oriented to give up and try to raise a baby at the same time and 2) I hate kids :P
#5
Posted 05 August 2007 - 12:51 PM
I think protection is still underrated in sex. Unmarried persons need to use protection. If they did, we'd have less abortions. (different topic)
I don't think you should have babies unless you're married, but most of the times these babies came about as an accident.
#6
Posted 05 August 2007 - 03:27 PM
#7
Posted 05 August 2007 - 04:23 PM
I'm against pre-marital children though, since they CAN'T get the needed attention and care that a one conceived in marriage can.
So yeah... Not much scientific pondering and stuff in my reasons.
#8
Posted 06 August 2007 - 02:53 AM
Wind Dude, on Aug 5 2007, 11:51 AM, said:
I think protection is still underrated in sex. Unmarried persons need to use protection. If they did, we'd have less abortions. (different topic)
I don't think you should have babies unless you're married, but most of the times these babies came about as an accident.
We agree? Creepy. :P
I wouldn't call it "Accident" though. Not if you're married. If you're not, then yeah. I know my parents had three kids within five years then decided not to have anymore (and my dad went through a procedure). But then they decided ten years later to have another, and so my dad had to go through another procedure, and at the time it wasn't even guarnteed that it would even work, but I'm living proof that it did. ^^
#9
Posted 06 August 2007 - 02:19 PM
In my eyes, Marriage is like a christmas gift. Only insted of an item, a person is giving themselves to one person. In that sense, i believe that Pre-Marriage sex is wrong. As some of you have mention earlier, "Accidents" can happen. These wouldn't happen if the couple waited until they were married and prepared. Now they can turn out just fine, but you can help but think is there something missing in thier life? I have a friend like this. She knows that her parents had her when they were young. She also knows that her father left her, and she is perfectly fine and going to college, but just imagine the pain she had to go through. The pain of finding out the truth.
As for kids before marriage, well I would just end up repeating myself so i'll cut it down short. I think a couple shouldnt have kids until they are prepared. To me, when a couple marries it tells me that they know the hardship and are accepting them, making them ready for anything that comes thier way, Kids, disease etc.
(I apologize if I have strayed from the topic)
#10
Posted 06 August 2007 - 02:44 PM
#11
Posted 06 August 2007 - 05:45 PM
Wind Dude, on Aug 6 2007, 04:44 PM, said:
What's wrong with discussing issues? We're humans, we can reflect on what's going on around us, and to say or do nothing about it (whether in support or against something) is being... well, deconstructive.
Mysterious Adept summarized my views pretty well, so I'll quote it.
V
Mysterious Adept, on Aug 6 2007, 04:19 PM, said:
In my eyes, Marriage is like a christmas gift. Only insted of an item, a person is giving themselves to one person. In that sense, i believe that Pre-Marriage sex is wrong. As some of you have mention earlier, "Accidents" can happen. These wouldn't happen if the couple waited until they were married and prepared. Now they can turn out just fine, but you can help but think is there something missing in thier life? I have a friend like this. She knows that her parents had her when they were young. She also knows that her father left her, and she is perfectly fine and going to college, but just imagine the pain she had to go through. The pain of finding out the truth.
As for kids before marriage, well I would just end up repeating myself so i'll cut it down short. I think a couple shouldnt have kids until they are prepared. To me, when a couple marries it tells me that they know the hardship and are accepting them, making them ready for anything that comes thier way, Kids, disease etc.
(I apologize if I have strayed from the topic)
@ Icy: I understand where you're coming from, and I would agree - but my one question is, if you're certain that the person is, why not have that "beautiful" union conclude in marriage? It sounds like the simple next step to take.
#12
Posted 06 August 2007 - 06:28 PM
#13
Posted 06 August 2007 - 06:56 PM
#14
Posted 06 August 2007 - 07:23 PM
But if you have sex with someone you love who you think you're going to be married, it's okay in my book.
#15
Posted 07 August 2007 - 01:49 AM
Golden Legacy, on Aug 6 2007, 04:45 PM, said:
Ah, but here's the thing, people can love more than one person in their life; how do you know which one will stay faithful to you and not leave you? The point that I'm making is that you can't tell where your relationship is going to go, and getting married makes that even more dangerous. If you abstain until marriage only to have that marriage fall apart into a divorce, then wasn't it pretty pointless? Because then most people get remarried and have their union with their new partner and they still end up having sex with two people, only there were two weddings instead of one. (plus, that's a lot of wasted money, if you ask me.)
I suppose it also goes to my own fear of marriage, because I fear divorce. I think if you truly love someone that it's okay to have sex, but I also think that people can fall out of love, and getting married each time you fall in love so you can have your beautiful union can be pretty pointless.
Am I making sense kinda? :P My brain hurts now...
#16
Posted 07 August 2007 - 04:48 AM
Anyways, my opinion about this is pretty clear, why not? I've said it before but I don't think marriage means anything at all. My parents also have 4 childeren and they ain't married either, and I don't think they ever will... Same for me I think.
And I agree with Aqua here; sex is completely natural and daymn... why'd you even wait till your married? Even if I'd ever have the idea to marry a girl, I would've probarly nailed her plently of times before the hunny moon anyways... :D But pregnancy... we've got condoms for that... :P
#17
Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:26 AM
Also, sex isn't a simple topic to discuss. Sex, in American culture, is spoken of with shut doors and hushed voices. Shouldn't we be a bit more open with sex? You'd be surprised how many first-timers don't know or aren't comfortable using a condom, or how many girls put off birth control. And so, when it comes to the time that you have sex with your wife (or hubby) how do you know that you're going to know how to please her? You wouldn't, unless you actually had some experience before that time. Experience isn't something you get from abstaining.
I'm a virgin of course, but I've read some books (it was an AIDs project, part of the project was prevention which I guess was in sexual practices) and talked with some friends.
#18
Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:46 AM
That said, I think society actually encourages sex too much, and pushes people to "find the right one", even if it means getting in multiple relationships and, the way I see it, "bouncing" from one person to the next.
There's something else that's always bothered me. You can have all the arguments you want for not getting married, but let's say that a couple does get married, and they are happy, and it works out for them - why doesn't society encourage THAT? Why does it always have a negative, even condescending view of marriage, and stereotyping it to mean a boring, halted relationship? Why not actually point out the many examples of couples who are happily married, instead of trying to make it out to be something that isn't worth doing?
#19
Posted 07 August 2007 - 11:09 AM
I guess that it's a bit of both. And as for what you said about marriage, it's probably because that, indeed, we live on a sexualized culture. Commercials say, "YOU HAVE ED, BUY OUR PRODUCT" media says, "These fictional male characters in our shows get laid twice a week... and they meet seven new girls a week. Hint hint" and our parents say, "You'll poke your eye out from the erection" or, "Uh, oh... sorry junior, I left the toaster running..."
I'm curious as to why you didn't know about sex until you were 16. I knew what it was when I was, I think, about 13. Might've been when I was 12. And I don't look at porn either. Don't remember when it was, probably Jr. High sex ed classes. I like how in the majority of those classes they were very cautious as to not let on what "sex" was exactly, they just told us this crap about how everything is natural that we were going through and that we weren't freaks, blah blah, as if they were afraid we would use our newly gained knowledge to bang the next chick that we saw.
#20
Posted 07 August 2007 - 03:20 PM
Wind Dude, on Aug 7 2007, 06:26 PM, said:
Also, sex isn't a simple topic to discuss. Sex, in American culture, is spoken of with shut doors and hushed voices. Shouldn't we be a bit more open with sex? You'd be surprised how many first-timers don't know or aren't comfortable using a condom, or how many girls put off birth control. And so, when it comes to the time that you have sex with your wife (or hubby) how do you know that you're going to know how to please her? You wouldn't, unless you actually had some experience before that time. Experience isn't something you get from abstaining.
I'm a virgin of course, but I've read some books (it was an AIDs project, part of the project was prevention which I guess was in sexual practices) and talked with some friends.
Hehehe, my 7 year old brother already half knows what sex is. I guess it depends a lot on what sort of people you have in your envoirment. :P
And I pretty much know how to do "it" since I'm one of the few virgins in my group of people I hang around with but I didn't had any idea except for just 'stick it in there and enjoy' before the time I started chilling with them.
#22
Posted 07 August 2007 - 05:47 PM
Golden Legacy, on Aug 7 2007, 09:46 AM, said:
I think it's because most of us have seen that there is no such thing as a happy marriage; there's always fights over this and that, why do you need five new pairs of shoes, why did you let junior go out past 10, blah blah blah. Pretty soon, the people can't stand each other any more. I was 6 when my parents constantly threatened each other with divorce, and I remember the one time my dad pushed my mom to the floor and got hauled off to jail for a night. Then there's the example of my brother who married a girl he met online, she turned out to be abusive and she threatened to divorce him if they didn't move back to Germany. He was a softie and gave in, and when he wanted out, he had to sneak out while she was off at some club, and my dad had to fly to germany to help him get out of there. It was a mess. And now I've got my older sister who wants to get married to the guy she's living with, but she wants her wedding to be the way "they" want it, but my parents want the wedding to be different, so that's caused conflict as well.
There's no such thing as a happy marriage, and I think people realize it. Even if society encourages happy marriages, it will do little to help the fact that they simply don't exist (or are at least VERY rare)
#23
Posted 07 August 2007 - 07:17 PM
lightningstar, on Aug 7 2007, 07:47 PM, said:
I think it's because most of us have seen that there is no such thing as a happy marriage; there's always fights over this and that, why do you need five new pairs of shoes, why did you let junior go out past 10, blah blah blah. Pretty soon, the people can't stand each other any more. I was 6 when my parents constantly threatened each other with divorce, and I remember the one time my dad pushed my mom to the floor and got hauled off to jail for a night. Then there's the example of my brother who married a girl he met online, she turned out to be abusive and she threatened to divorce him if they didn't move back to Germany. He was a softie and gave in, and when he wanted out, he had to sneak out while she was off at some club, and my dad had to fly to germany to help him get out of there. It was a mess. And now I've got my older sister who wants to get married to the guy she's living with, but she wants her wedding to be the way "they" want it, but my parents want the wedding to be different, so that's caused conflict as well.
There's no such thing as a happy marriage, and I think people realize it. Even if society encourages happy marriages, it will do little to help the fact that they simply don't exist (or are at least VERY rare)
I think that falls along the lines of no such thing as a perfect marriage. I know several families that are happily married, just not perfect, my own parents included. My parents fight now and then, but they're still happy. My brother and his wife will fight on ocasion, but they're marriage is still a happy one. I just think its a matter of no marrage is perfect, just as no body is perfect.
And as for sex before marriage, as long as its safe sex, why should it matter. Then agian, I don't give two shakes of a rats tail about what religion might say about it. Although admitidly, children out of marriage I'm not so thrilled about.
#24
Posted 09 August 2007 - 12:00 PM
DiddyKong, on Aug 7 2007, 11:20 PM, said:
Wow, I'm so much like you in that sense. I'm also a virgin, whereas most of my good friends with whom I hang out with are not. The thing is, I do not agree with what most of them do. Some of them have had sex loads of times without using a condom, and only a couple of months ago one of them was afraid that some chick he slept with was pregnant. He was so afraid of becoming a father at the age of 17. Everything turned out all right in the end though. It was really funny, I made so much fun of him, even though he was scared to death of what would happen. xD
Also, these friends often **** hookers, and they used to call me to join them every time, but I always said I refuse to sleep with a prostitute, and that I never will sleep with one. Seeing that I cannot be swayed, they stopped inviting me.
These guys are TOO open when it comes to sex. Even in front of girls. Still, I'm not one to talk, I speak about sex as though commenting on the weather...
#26
Posted 10 August 2007 - 03:14 AM
Aquamarine, on Aug 9 2007, 08:00 PM, said:
These guys are TOO open when it comes to sex. Even in front of girls. Still, I'm not one to talk, I speak about sex as though commenting on the weather...
Same here, a good friend of mines even has a sort of sexual relationship with a hoe. In Amsterdam they also always offer me money to have sex with one but I always refuse... even though I admit it's pretty hard sometimes. And yeah, I'm very open about sex aswell but alot of people from our age are.
#27
Posted 10 August 2007 - 10:10 AM
lightningstar, on Aug 7 2007, 07:47 PM, said:
There's no such thing as a perfect marriage, but happy ones definitely exist. Pretty much everyone I know has happily married parents (I think).
As as for pre-marital sex, body says yes and brain says nnnnggh...I don't know.
The best I could compare it to would probably be getting poison ivy. You reeeeeaaaally want to scratch it, but if you do, it gets all sorts of screwed up.
(Incidentally, I have poison ivy all over my leg.)
#28
Posted 10 August 2007 - 10:55 AM
Couples having children before marriage, well, I won't encourage it, but If the couple love each other a lot and are going to be good parents then I see no reason why not being married would hinder their family. The neighbours over the road from me are getting married this year, but they already have 2 kids (Ages 13 and 12 I think) and they're a very happy, well-off family.
#29
Posted 11 August 2007 - 03:37 AM
#30
Posted 12 August 2007 - 12:06 AM
#31
Posted 13 August 2007 - 01:25 PM
I don't know if I truly support pre-marital sex, but IMO as long as the two people are truly ready to support one another into marriage if the really love each other, I have no qualms about it.
Now the other part of the topic, pregnancy, can be very cruel if a young woman or teenage girl gets it. I've heard about how they resort to abortion just because they got a little into it with their boyfriend. It truly is a sad thing, throwing away a human life,who could possibly one day change the world, like trash. IMO, women should only be pregnant if they're ready to face aall the difficulties, and smile at all the blessed moments of that child. I think they should do this only if they are married, so the guy just doesn't leave because he just screwed up a girl's life for the fun of it, or if the girl leaves him because she wants nothing to do with him because in her mind they may be both to blame, but it's really his fault.
It appears I had more to say about pregnancy than I thought. O.o
#32
Posted 13 August 2007 - 02:51 PM
Viridian Tiger, on Aug 13 2007, 08:25 PM, said:
Is that really necessary? Surely theres no harm in 2 people doing something at a party or a quick summer romance or something? I don't think its a necessity that 2 people end up married just because they had sex.
#33
Posted 13 August 2007 - 02:57 PM
#34
Posted 13 August 2007 - 04:15 PM
#35
Posted 13 August 2007 - 06:09 PM
I also agree with what WD mentioned ^
#38
Posted 23 August 2007 - 12:15 PM
Now i havent posted in this topic for a little while now, ive been watching and reading what other people post. Now not to offend anyone, but i believe that some have the idea of Sex and marriage wrong. The 2 go together, why do you want to have sex with someone (Even your best friend) and find out that your going to be a father/Mother but your in love with someone else. Wont that dampen the relationship that you want to have with the person your in love with?
Also ive noticed that a lot of people say sex is ok but teen pregnancy is bad. Well how do female teenagers get pregnant? BY HAVING SEX! Unless someone can show me you can get pregnant another way?
#40
Posted 23 August 2007 - 02:11 PM
#41
Posted 23 August 2007 - 04:01 PM
Thus far, the majority of people have voted 'Yes' for Pre-marital sex. Because of the overlap with the second question, there are at least a few people that also voted for 'No' for having children before marriage.
How can those people justify having pre-marital sex, but also vote for not having children before marriage - especially if pre-marital sex will run the inevitable risk that a pregnancy will happen?
#42
Posted 23 August 2007 - 04:16 PM
Aquamarine, on Aug 23 2007, 01:55 PM, said:
Nothing and i mean NOTHING can get you fully protected you will always have that risk.
Gardna, on Aug 23 2007, 03:11 PM, said:
Well you might feel that way, but what if she DOESN't? What if she doesnt want to get pregnant but you dont care, its going to be a lot harder for her to deal with it than for you.
(By the way, i Once again apologize if my comments are affending anyone, My feelings are really strong about this topic)
#44
Posted 23 August 2007 - 07:09 PM
Golden Legacy, on Aug 23 2007, 03:01 PM, said:
They're saying it's okay to have sex before marriage if you're careful. That's all.
#46
Posted 24 August 2007 - 12:40 AM
Mysterious Adept, on Aug 24 2007, 08:16 AM, said:
Condoms alone have a success rate of about 99.7%. If that's not good enough for you, there are procedures you can have done to prevent conception altogether. And although there is no vaccination for STDs, the odds of a condom tearing, your partner carrying an STD and your partner then transmitting that STD are slim to none.
Mysterious Adept, on Aug 24 2007, 08:16 AM, said:
That's rape.
Mysterious Adept, on Aug 24 2007, 08:16 AM, said:
It's a debate topic, we expect no less.
#47
Posted 24 August 2007 - 07:35 AM
"I like you.
I like sex."
I rest my case.
#48
Posted 24 August 2007 - 03:50 PM
Married parents are important to a child growing up. Sex at our age is a risk, but it's going to happen. We're teenagers and were curious, and to say you wont do it is a lot harder to do than most think before promising to a certain religion.
Trust me.