[Toasty]

I've already posted at least on of their newsletters before, but I think I'll just make a topic and update it whenever I get a new one. Like today:

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DO NOT DELETE, Toasty64!

Read this Woot newsletter and watch your dreams come true - ignore it and you will meet terrible misfortune! Veronica L. of Riverdale, Ohio received this message, failed to read it, and died of natural causes a mere 58 years later! In contrast, Joe B. of Wilmington, Delaware read it voraciously more than two times, and soon received a promotion to Vice-President! Before you click "delete", ask yourself: would you rather be DEAD or VICE-PRESIDENT? Your future could depend on it!

Recessionary Wooting Report
Like everybody else, we're waiting for our business to collapse and force us back into exotic dancing. But to our immense relief, lately a lot of woots have been selling out way earlier than we expected. You've bought 10,000 Ion USB turntables, 18,000 LED booklight three-packs, 25,000 USB Bluetooth dongles, 7,500 Kodak Digital Picture Frames, 1,000 Recaro child car seats, and 17,155 Powersquid two-packs, almost all before breakfast on their respective days, according to the stats on the first page of each sale's discussion thread. Whew! Guess we can leave our pasties in the closet for now. Just goes to show, you have to get up pretty early to beat the hordes of slavering deal-psychos Woot attracts every single day. (And don't forget about Sellout.Woot, where the deals are just as good, but come with a little more elbow room.) In these tight economic times, we'd like to thank you for letting your debilitating shopping addiction go untreated.

Woot's Twitter Feeds: Now with ThumbSuck™ Technology! Are you following us?
Wondering what's for sale on Woot right now? Why bother typing a long, cumbersome URL like ifyouwanttoseewhatsonwoottodayitwouldbeeasiertojusttypewoot.com when you can just follow twitter.com/woot? It's your gateway to amazement, if you're amazed by a single-line post announcing each new Woot sale. You can get the same buzz in different flavors from the wootwine and wootshirt feeds, now with live updated avatars illustrating the current product. We call that ThumbSuck™, and it's especially useful for shirt shoppers. And don't forget the wootoff feed, which springs into action with product updates for every sale during Woot-Offs. Now all we have to do is settle on an awkward portmanteau name for our Twitter feed. Twittoot? Twootter? Twiot?

Shirt.Woot: One Millionth Shirt Sold
You sell a shirt, you sell a couple more, you sell another 999,997 shirts, and pretty soon you're talking serious numbers. Shirt.Woot just pushed its one millionth shirt out the door. The odometer rolled over at 8:25 AM on January 30, 2009, when Alberto of Houston, Texas ordered a single Sun Wukong shirt. That's one shirt every 48.24 seconds since Shirt.Woot launched on July 22, 2007. Hey, Guinness: who do we have bribe for you guys to add an Online T-Shirt Sales section to your record book?

Ever Bought A T-Shirt Designed By Somebody On Star Trek? You Wil.
Speaking of Shirt.Woot, noted actor, author, gambler, blogger, and android Wil Wheaton adds ''t-shirt designer” to his CV this Thursday, and it's all going down at Shirt.Woot. This is like a true-cross thing for hardcore geeks (like us), except that Wil himself will never have laid eyes on your actual shirt, much less hands. But still. As for the design, we don't want to give too much away, so we'll just thank Wil for rolling the DICE with us to release this to-DIE-for tee.

Just What You Need: Another Stupid Blog To Look At
If you've been by Woot lately, you may have noticed something new (besides our stylin' new site design, we mean). We're actually using our blog page to - get this - write a blog! And our literally dozens of loyal readers couldn't be happier. From our monthly greeting cards to our original Valentines, to our trips to the Consumer Electronics Show and Toy Fair ‘09, to our daily links to the sublime and the disgusting, the Woot blog is free to enjoy, but worth at least twice as much in entertainment value.

Wine.Woot Community Update
While the other dot-woots bustle with the hustle of a million sharp-elbowed loud-mouthed plebeians, the mood over at Wine.Woot is entirely more refined. Our wine site continues to feature two winery- direct deals per week, in its own unhurried way. For a break from the greasy, sarcastic nerds (like us) who dominate the rest of the Woot empire, look for the weekly member-initiated Cyberpub thread in the Wine.Woot forums. And don't miss our new guest blogger, Scott Harvey of Scott Harvey Wines, as he takes you inside the grape. The (gasp) mature, intelligent conversation at Wine.Woot is almost as refreshing as the vino itself - and you can take part even if you're in one of the grinchy states that don't allow online wine sales.

And if you're still reading, congratulations! Your life will soon be blessed with an embarrassment of riches, mostly in the form of remaindered and obsolete consumer electronics! We'll let you run along and sign up for all of those Twitter feeds now. We have a feeling you're going to need them soon.

May every junk email in your Inbox be as awesome as this one -
Woot.com

[Ironsight]

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Joe B

FFFFFFFFFFFF-

[Someone Else]

tl;dr D=

Guess I go die now

[Toasty]

Here's the first one:

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Attention, Toasty64:

Welcome to Woot's first official recession-era newsletter! For the next 12 to 24 months, all citizens are expected to fret over, worry about, or even directly experience the nadir of a consumerist society - OMG! What will we do when we stop buying stuff? Economists now agree that we're headed through a prolonged period of decreased consumer spending (you really need an advanced degree to come up with insights like that). Beyond that, it's anybody guess. Will the only growth sectors in the economy be shoe repair, pipe salvage, and roadside apple sales? Or will we bring on a quick recovery by doing patriotic things like buying stuff we can't afford and spending more money than we make?

As a retailer, it'd make sense for us to fall in with the BUY STUFF, AMERICA conga line. But by now, you know that we at Woot never do things the "normal", "sensible", "rational", "intelligent" way. We're not about to follow the herd over a cliff. When we go over a cliff, it's because of our own poor judgment, not someone else's. That's been our credo since about five minutes ago, when we first thought of it. And we've stayed true to it ever since.

That's why we're encouraging you and your fellow wooters to save this holiday season. Save your money! Save until you pull a saving muscle. Horde your money until you are literally choking on it. Save until maybe, like, mid-February or so, when the market will be a-glut with great deals for the taking every day. You'll avoid the crowds, take advantage of desperate retailers, and not have to hear "Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time" even once.

Sure, maybe you'll disappoint some of your loved ones. But if they really love you, they can wait a couple of months, especially if your finances are at stake. Besides, if your so-called loved ones wanted you to set yourself on fire, would you? Of course you wouldn't. And that's the kind of independent thinking that will one day break the mindless conformity of our consumerist holiday ways.

But be warned: you'll want to stay far away from Woot.com this week. The breadth and scope of bargains we'll be offering - especially starting Tuesday morning at midnight - will be powerfully tempting. They could even lead you back down the spend-spend-spend path with the rest of the sheep. And that would make us sad enough to cry while we're taking your money.

See you in February!

Woot.com



To Un-subscribe from future Woot Newsletters, click HERE ... or go to the Your Account page and uncheck the newsletter box.

[Toasty]

Not an e-mail, but they were selling air beds today.

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There are plenty of reasons why you might need a bed in a minute. It’s just that we’re too polite to list them all here.

Instead, we’ll let you imagine all the reasons a person might have to make them want to only spend a minute getting a bed. Go on, go on, think whatever you like, no one’s going to get in trouble. We’re not even going to mention the reasons. By which we mean the reasons you might need a bed in about a minute. A bed that will support about 750 fifty pounds of pressure and have a nine inch thickness. In, as we said, just a minute. There must be plenty of different ideas that you’re all thinking of, all those reasons you might need a bed in just one minute. Wow, the various options are practically infinite. And whatever they are, the reasons you need a bed in a minute, you’d just have to get the powerful AC pump and inflate away, and then get right on with whatever you needed a bed for, about sixty seconds later. That’s just a minute, after all. A bed in a minute. For whatever reason you like. That’s what we’re selling here. Perfectly innocent.

[Someone Else]

Haha actually pretty funny