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FML

#1 Golden Legacy

Can't touch this.

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 12:51 AM

F***MyLife.com

A few lolworthy ones:

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'd be going on a trip to Europe. I assured him that I would never cheat on him with any european guys. He replied with, "Why would I be worried? You're not very pretty." FML

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

Which ones did you like?

#2 Caael

Master Adept

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 01:45 AM

LOL at the neither one

#3 Drizzy Drake

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 09:28 AM

Ya, that last one would be horrible.

#4 Golden Legacy

Can't touch this.

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 11:16 AM

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

#5 Sea of Time

Lebron James

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 11:40 AM

Old.

#6 Ironsight

Loose cannon Cop with nothing to lose

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 12:39 PM

Fail.

#7 Thanatos

Knight

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 12:46 PM

That neither one was hilarious!!

#8 Caael

Master Adept

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 12:52 PM

Golden Legacy, on Feb 27 2009, 05:16 PM, said:

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

I've just lost all faith in mankind.

#9 Swedishfish

Knight

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 01:10 PM

This stuff is funny as hell.

#10 Gio

Disciple

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 01:20 PM

Golden Legacy, on Feb 27 2009, 11:16 AM, said:

I know a couple ppl that sorta happened to.

#11 Mallick

Captain Cannabis

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 02:51 PM

They're all the same. This one was good though

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

#12 Mallick

Captain Cannabis

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 08:02 PM

Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML

#13 Lemontime

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Posted 28 February 2009 - 08:11 AM

I've read like 90 pages of it in the last week..

#14 Golden Legacy

Can't touch this.

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Posted 28 February 2009 - 11:21 AM

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

#15 Someone Else

High Sheriff

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Posted 28 February 2009 - 11:22 AM

This one's a new one for today:

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

#16 Golden Legacy

Can't touch this.

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Posted 28 February 2009 - 11:48 PM

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

#17 Drizzy Drake

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Posted 28 February 2009 - 11:49 PM

Liar, said you were going to bed! ;). That one was more failure than funny. Still good though.

#18 Nosferatu

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Posted 28 February 2009 - 11:59 PM

Quote

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

I lol'd.

#19 Someone Else

High Sheriff

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Posted 01 March 2009 - 12:06 AM

Well maybe it was an internet cafe........ no that still wouldn't work.

#20 Mallick

Captain Cannabis

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Posted 01 March 2009 - 02:54 AM

ez. w/ a cellphone, you wouldn't be able to do the online worksheet (you would probably have to print it off or use a word processor) but you could easily compose an email

#21 Mallick

Captain Cannabis

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 10:37 AM

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she randomly asked me "does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked "does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#22 Someone Else

High Sheriff

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 01:26 PM

Awesome parents.

#23 Moonear

Disciple

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 06:03 AM

I've read way too many of these.

#24 TheEnglishman

Master Adept

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AKA Me111

Posted 06 March 2009 - 11:44 AM

How have I not seen this topic yet?
Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML

#25 redchi

Gallant

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Posted 08 March 2009 - 05:09 PM

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I’d found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

this one made me lol

#26 Golden Legacy

Can't touch this.

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Posted 09 March 2009 - 06:03 PM

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn't a girl. FML

Today, I sent an email to my best friend, telling him that I'm gay. When I was typing the email address in the "to:" field, it autocorrected the address to my mother. She just responded: "you filthy faggot". FML

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

#27 Golden Legacy

Can't touch this.

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Location:New York City, Boston

Posted 20 March 2009 - 06:39 PM

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML