[Mars Djinni]

Yeah, I'm writing a fanfic now. It is a Golden Sun one, but isn't like the rest. It still needs work, I can tell you that.

P R O L O G U E:

The radiant sun glared down on the Suhallan sand. It was extremely hot in that region. The humid climate was not surprising, being that the region is all desert, but the Suhalla was rather known for its shifting sands and rigorous storms. This peculiar weather started only two years ago, and has worsened ever since.
A legion of soldiers settled along the ruins of an old statue to catch their breath. A few ventured off into a cave that seemed to be cleverly hidden by sand. One particular one dropped his guard, resting his shield on the cool stones within the cave. The soldier rested against the stony wall. He had an obvious look about him that made him seem as if he was giving off steam. He shook his long dirty-blond hair to the side and slumped even lower. He stared down at his own maroon-red shield. The glistening letters on it spelled out “Tolbi” and were followed by something written in an ancient language that kind of resembled water droplets and sprays of mist. He had never figured out at all what they meant, nor where they came from. He stood up, fidgeted with his armour, and walked toward his sleeping partner.
“Wake up!” he smacked around with his fellow soldier’s helmet, in an attempt to grab his attention.
“Wh-wha-what’s goin’…on…?” the awakened solder mumbled unconsciously. He looked up at the worn mass of leather and armour that was his partner, Raymond. “Ra-Ray..?”
“Yeah.” Raymond replied. ”I’m gonna hang around here, to check up on anything that could help us get back on track. Ever since Lord Babi fell, you guys have been so ignorant. No one else is trying to find any food or water or at least a way out.” He was apparently irritable in this situation. “Lloyd! LLOYD! GET UP NOW AND HELP ME SEARCH! THAT-IS-AN-ORDER!” he enunciated the last few words so fiercely that it seemed like he spat all over Lloyd’s haphazardly crumpled figure. Lloyd brushed his gingery red hair aside and focused his eyes on General Raymond.
“I’ll get on it.” He mumbled casually.
“Will you, now?” Raymond interrogated furiously.
With a sigh, Lloyd answered back, “Sir, yes Sir!” through gritted teeth.
The two of them crept further within the walls of the dark cave. This area seemed to be littered with many dead bodies belonging to large scorpions and giant rats. Lloyd could have sworn that there was one of a pig-man. He was staring at the bodies with awe as he entered a deeper part of the cave. His absent-mindedness led him toward a pile of huge bones.
“HAAAAAA!” Lloyd gave a half-yelp-half-gasp-for-air out of surprise as he tripped over what looked like a human skull. “Whoa…” he sighed in awe.
The skull was an oblong shape, elongated at the bottom of the cracked mandible. It was no doubt a humans, but it obviously couldn’t have been, in a way.’ It was much larger, as big as his whole upper body. The skull was not human, though it was similar. A Giant? Lloyd thought. No, they don’t exist… Do they?
Lloyd froze.
There was a rustle that sounded much like a heavy cloak. The rustling was faint, but still audible in the quiet, dank cave. Lloyd’s own armour clanked as he stood up. Slowly, but surely he gazed around the room.
“Grind.” Echoed a sinister voice. The skull Lloyd was inspecting shattered intensely, but its pieces stayed suspended in air. Lloyd shot a disapproving look backward as a hooded, purple-cloaked man approached. He was roughly as tall as Lloyd and had pale skin that seemed to shimmer eerily. He stretched out a scarred hand.
“Condem--” he mouthed out the final syllables, but could not complete the spell. A blue scarf swept downward as a heavily jewelled blade was fatally hammered down on the cloaked man. The scarf was all Lloyd could see, but as he rubbed his eyes, he recognized the owner to be human, but shrouded in a green wooden shield-like mask. The masked man slid the sword back in its scabbard. He too stretched out his hand.
“STOP!” Lloyd cried. The masked man hesitated. “What are you gonna do?!”
“Please. Trust me.” The masked man spoke. His green wooden mask moved with his words.
“Why? After what you did to that guy over there, I can’t let you do any more damage!”
“He was obviously not with you.”
“Yes, but…”
“Then there’s no need for unnecessary bloodshed. Cure.”
Lloyd felt a tingling sensation in his arm. Apparently, part of the skull pieces had been wedged inside it. The cut that he had received from it was mending itself slowly. The piece of skull fell to the ground. Lloyd stared at the man, astonished. The man appeared to be smiling, though it was hard to tell underneath the wooden mask.
“What were you doing here?” the man questioned.
“My battalion got lost and we’re trying to recuperate. Things haven’t been going out way--”
“Never you mind about that. I’ll get you out. You won’t find anything here but Manticore bones and a skeleton of a storm lizard.
“Nonsense, they don’t exist!” Lloyd scoffed.
“Do they?” The man appeared to be smiling again. He lifted his mask, revealing a man in his very early twenties, his dishevelled hair hanging lopsided and over one of his eyes, to which he’d blow on occasionally. His smiling face was shining in the dark cave and he carried a look of heroism. He ushered Lloyd out of the area and back to camp.
Lloyd stopped in his tracks. More hooded men surrounded the four or five remaining soldiers. Lloyd rushed into the scene, but the man stopped him.
“I’ll take them on.” He said confidently.
“You-you can’t! They almost killed me!”
“Have you any common sense at all?” The man snapped.
“Have you?!” spat Lloyd.
“Stone Spire.” The man calmly muttered. At the sound of the words, towers of stone materialized and speared most of the cloaked men.
“Condemn!!!” screamed one of them. The man stepped aside and a ghastly image of Death narrowly missed him.
“Oddyssey.” Three giant swords skewered the cloaked man.
Lloyd saw his general, Raymond. He had been injured, but was still fighting. He took on hordes of cloaked men and knocked them all off their feet. He let out a cry of victory, which was interrupted by a screech of pain. A sword had appeared from nowhere and plunged itself into him.
The man Lloyd was with mumbled something that sounded like “Neck-Roe-Mages..?”
Raymond looked in Lloyd’s direction.
“Ll-Lloyd… Tell my son… Tell him it is time…”
Raymond mouthed his last words and his head fell and rested on the sand. He was dead.
Lloyd fell to his knees. The man forcibly brought him back up. He pulled a blue square crystal from his satchel and muttered “Teleport!” The crystal shone a bright blue and they disappeared in a shower of light…

[Aquamarine]

Very good! I really like it! When is the next chapter going to be ready? I can't wait for more.

[Mars Djinni]

Probably sometime this weekend.

Later on, you'll notice the reason why I haven't glorified the GS heroes too much compared to others.

[PDM]

BASTAD. D: Post your fan fics when they're done so I'm not to a point of crying for more.

[Mars Djinni]

I just wanted to make sure I got enough good feedback to continue on. I'll get working the next 3 or 5 chapters before I post them again. Cuts down on the crying. ^_^

[Aquamarine]

MD? Are you here? So um I was wondering... When's the next chapter coming!?!? It's been like... A long time now.

[Sea of Time]

Very good start. It's good to see a GS fanfic seperate itself from the original 8 adepts and the former plotlines. I can't wait to see where it's going. Hope to see more soon.

[Mars Djinni]

Sorry, preoccupied with other things, as-per-usual. I'm in the mood for writing more, so I'll get on taht this weekend.

[Mars Djinni]

Chapter 1: Miracle
It was a busy morning in Tolbi. The sun was shining, the air was crisp and clean, and there was not a frown on someone’s face for miles. That frown just so happened to be on the face of a young boy around the age of seventeen who was wandering wound a dead forest. He had sparking blue hair and grey eyes that seemed to flicker with his mood. He stooped down and picked up a leaf. It was crisp from a recent fire. He crushed it in his hands. The startling noise of the rustling leaves echoed louder than usual. That was mainly because the boy wasn’t what one might deem “usual”. His name was Jared. It wasn’t his name that was peculiar, though. It was his ability to create and manipulate earth that made Jared so “special”. He had turned the leaf into stone, and used his unnatural strength to crush it.
Jared strolled deeper into the forest, until he reached a fine meadow that was graced by the light of the sun, despite the incinerated branches. The light was very natural, it coming from the sun, but yet, it just seemed different. Jared followed a path in the meadow and came across a sword, sheathed in a wooden scabbard lying on a stone altar. He stared intently at the sword, smiled and turned back. One look. That’s all I promised I’d do, Dad, he thought. He took a few steps more and felt his way around the forest. The sun was still smiling at him, the radiant waves filling him with a sensation he could not find words to describe. He wandered over to the mouth of the forest, which was evidently the part that had been the source of the fire. There were charred remains of the torches that had stricken it. Jared made his way back to the village. He stopped in his tracks. Wide-eyed, he shuddered, gasped, and took a few steps back. Tolbi was engulfed in a shadowy purple-black cloud.
Five headless suits of purple living armour materialized and struck the city walls. Many of the commoners screamed as thousands of robed solders swarmed the city. Jared thought to take refuge in the forest, but he knew now that running wasn’t the right thing to do. He ran toward the city…
---
The Eastern Gondowan district has seen a lot of action years back, but has settled down after the commotion. Led by Lord Faran, the Suhallans and the Laliveroans built up what was supposed to be Babi Lighthouse, but because of recent events, have decided to remodel it as a temple and sanctum in honour of Sheba, who drowned up top another lighthouse, named the embodiment of the power of earth, Venus Lighthouse. Faran was traumatized when it happened, which clouded his judgement and went into a one-year-war against the Suhallans. The Suhallans were believed to be the ones who led the wretched outcast named Isaac to Lalivero, where the two Proxians kidnapped Sheba. Yet, Faran came to his senses, stopped the war, and signed a peace treaty and created a bond of trust with the Suhallans.
There was a small cottage outside Lalivero, which had been deserted ever since Sheba’s death. It was totally silent and still. One can say that it was dead silent, but not for long.
A dazzling shower of white and blue light erupted right outside the front cottage door. A man in a green tunic and blue scarf, and a terrified Tolbi solder entered the house.
“Sit.” The man motioned to a set of worn chairs near a table that looked very unstable.
Lloyd fidgeted in the chair. He was shocked beyond words. What he’d seen in the Suhalla was enough to send him to tears.
“You are wanting to know what happened here, right?”
Lloyd gave a twitch that the man took for a nod.
“All right, then. But first, I think I haven’t graced you with my name.” The man paused. “I am Felix, of Vale and sworn guardian of the Stone of Sages…”
Lloyd looked at Felix with disbelief in his eyes.
“Surprised? Thought so.” He scratched his chin. “You and the rest of the world have finally come to the conclusion that Alchemy is back. Through the appearance of great power comes the appearance of great enemies. That cannot be changed.”
“Aren’t you able to do something to stop these enemies?”
“Necromages are one thing, but to face the full force of Dark Alchemy, well, it’s safe to say we need a miracle.”
“So you’re saying--” Lloyd started.
“It is beyond our hands for the time being.” Felix gazed out a misshapen window. He shook his hair to one side, and then turned to Lloyd. “Tolbi’s destroyed.”
Lloyd trembled hard in his seat. He was forced to tears. His family, his home, all had fallen to darkness...
---
Jared came to a full stop once at the Tolbi gates. He was out of breath and on the brink of collapsing. He stood up straight and rummaged in his pocket. His fearless manner was the center point of his success on the battlefield, greater than others his age, and as someone who has only trained in the sword for three years, he has shown the most skill.
He pulled out three gold-orange crystals from his pocket. He focused earth power into them and they sprang into life. The crystals had formed creatures, each no bigger than the palm of his hand. They were brown and had diamond-hard skin. They resembled animals, but were still and postured like trees, being that their two legs and tail looked more like roots than anything else. One faded in a glow of gold light and instantly, Jared’s body was filled with healing energy. At one hundred percent, Jared smirked at the headless knights.
“FORMINA SAGE!” boomed a knight.
A blade of lightning headed straight for Jared.
“Crevice! Let’s get a move on!” Jared commanded.
A craggy-looking golden blade of light met the attack. One of his three creatures had been controlling the blade and swung it, causing the purple knight to lose total balance. The knight fell, melting back into the shadows. There were four more knights left. A little bit more than a handful of work, Jared thought. This is no time for sarcasm, Jared! The sword of golden light disappeared and the corresponding creature turned back into crystal as he telepathically acknowledged Jared.
“We can’t make it in time! Tolbi’s gonna fall!” Jared exclaimed, overwhelmed.
“Not with that attitude, you aren’t.” A woman’s voice sounded behind him. Jared looked over his shoulder. He saw a robed woman. She couldn’t have been the enemy; she was wearing a different, brown-coloured cloak. It was dark, so Jared could barely see her hooded face. He knew she had red-purple hair and was carrying a staff shaped like a moon.
“Here, like this.” She motioned to Jared’s creatures. She touched the last one, turning it into a crystal again. She held out four of her own crystals, but they were fiery red in colour. She waved her hand over them, saying, “Master craftsman of the ancient world, lend us your power – Daedalus!”
Jared was confused, it was some kind of spell, but the effect was like nothing. “Nothing” soon became “nothing much” as trees from the burned forest started rustling. “Nothing much” then turned into “nothing Jared had ever seen before” when the rustling turned into a huge machine-like monster. Jared began to run, but was caught by the woman. The mechanized monster started shooting rockets out of its shoulders. Jared prayed that they were going to hit the Necromages. His prayers answered, Jared watched in awe as the rockets collided with the Necromages, blasting them in a flurry of fire and earth energy. Jared turned and looked at his crystals, which had faded into a dark grey.
“Don’t worry, they’ll be fine.” The woman was smiling. “They’re just tired, that’s all.”
As the Necromages fell, the headless knights started to fade. Though that was so, their fury was still driving them on. Almost all the walls of Tolbi were obliterated. Jared stared back at the machine, whose bowels opened up and a horrible whirring noise filled the area. A large missile launched from the belly of the machine and zoomed straight for the colossal headless knights. They were all defeated and melted into darkness.
The woman lowered her hood. She was quite pretty, Jared thought. She pulled out a black crystal attached to a golden stand from her satchel, which was also where had drawn her “fire crystals”. She raised it into the air. The crystal glowed and hummed mystically.
Instantly, a dragon’s head appeared from the Karagol Sea horizon.
“Is that…” Jared mouthed.
The woman shook her head and smiled again. She lowered the crystal and replaced it in her satchel.
The dragon’s head was silver and was followed by a brown wooden hull – a ship. It couldn’t have been a ship, though, for it was floating above ground and sea. To make matters weirder, enormous silver-ebony wings were propelling the ship forward. Once it landed aground, a man teleported next to the woman. He was muscular and of medium height, a few inches taller than the woman. He had rough skin, which made Jared assume he was a sailor. The man leaned closer to the woman and whispered in her ear.
“Our miracle has come, we can get to work, now.” He whispered, smiling...

[Aquamarine]

I think that was... Awesome. You are a great writer MD, that was really really good. Just one thing. How can an Earth Adept have blue hair?

[Mars Djinni]

Let's just say that miracles are out of the ordinary, adepts included. :D

[Mars Djinni]

I've finished Chapter 2. It's a little longer than others, but meh.

Chapter 2: Journeys
Angara was a blessed continent and was considered home to many past heroes and merchant kings that made it to glory. Kalay, the partnered sea town of Tolbi, was the first to rise to power. Thanks to the traveller, Ivan, Lord Hammet has introduced the Trans-Angaran trade routes across the Karagol and through the mountainous regions of Northern Angara. They even broke down mountains in the south to build roads. The sea-faring city of Champa soon became the ideal place for merchants travelling to Indra and Osenia. Champa used to be home to many pirates, but since the introduction of the trade, piracy remarkably settled down. Lord Briggs became lead captain of the Sea-Brigands, and despite its name, it was a popular trade company for rare goods. Their main commodity, though, was the not-so-rare-but-useful Psynergy Stone. Through that, a great deal of people were influenced by the stones and turned into Psynergy users, named Adepts. Briggs was very successful and was very careful not to let it all slip. The method of obtaining large quantities of Psynergy stones was not with him, though, but with his son, Eoleo.
Eoleo is just a child, roughly seven years of age, but he is very intelligent and sometimes manipulative of his surroundings, people included. His body and mind were consumed by his Psynergy power, so he appears to be, and thinks like, a fifteen-year-old boy. Psynergy isn’t the only thing that Eoleo can do, though. He can summon quite an amount of Alchemical power and use it to infuse stones with Psynergy. Eoleo can also manipulate water very fluently, which helped him hide himself when others are trying to bust him.
The morning was crisp and clear in Champa. Eoleo was helping Briggs set preparations for a merchant trip to their newest clients, the kingdom of Lemuria. Briggs was very excited to gain their mystical rarities.
“Son, could you load the ship, now?” Brigs called for Eoleo.
“Right away, dad!” Eoleo hollered back, his voice awkwardly deeper than others would expect from someone they’ve only seen as a baby four years ago. Eoleo was short, but very lean and muscular. He had messy shimmering red hair and emerald green eyes that hardly ever showed up under his red bangs. He always wore his favourite brown tunic and green cloak. His sword that his father had crafted for him for his birthday last month was gleaming near the rest of his packed belongings. Eoleo called for the merchants and they started loading the ship. The purple crystals were shining through the sackcloth packaging as they were dumped into the ship’s double-hulled compartment bay. He and four soldiers sealed the ship’s compartment and headed onto the deck. Briggs had already been on the boat and was making some final preparations. Eoleo slid down the ship’s side to say one last goodbye to his mother, Chaucha, before they left.
The ship’s course was steady, yet bearable. Eoleo thought it was quite relaxing. Briggs was cheerfully humming a sailor song while steering the ship. The soldiers aboard were sharpening their weapons. They wanted to be cautious, because of the incident four years ago.
The incident involved a ship and a ghost pirate. The ship sailed off course and landed in a secluded cavern. The monsters killed the crewmembers and captain and the ghost pirate took the treasure, which was a dark armour plate designed for the soldiers of Tolbi’s elite warriors.
Briggs sniffed hard in the background as Eoleo sat near the mast and played his flute. They were enjoying the adventure and had high hopes for what the Lemurians could bring.
Suddenly, the fog started to shower over the seas. The soldiers gasped, but Briggs and Eoleo were calm. They were used to this, for they had traversed this way before.
“Play the song!” Briggs yelled out cheerfully. He knew what he was doing.
Eoleo played the song his father had learned from another sailor who was killed in an attempt to cross the fog. Briggs sang along.
“If you want to go to the stars, if you want to go to the stars…” sang Briggs. The soldiers sang along, too, as well as the other crewmen.
“Go north past the twins, passing two swirls, run deasil twice 'round the trunk, haste without waste, and head to the east, past three to the north, there, run 'round thrice and wait for the waves, when they stop, run north and go to the stars,”
Amazingly, Briggs actually turned and twisted his way through the fog and they rested near a lone stone island shaped like a star. They did this twice more, resting on the moon-shaped rock, and then on the sun-shaped rock. Briggs’s crew sailed on and at last, the fog faded away.
Eoleo gave the crew a high-five and cheers of joy from the merchants echoed in the isolated area. Many dragon-shaped ships were there to greet them, as with one golden ship embroidered like a two-headed dragon. It was double-hulled, too, Eoleo noticed.
“Greetings, Lord Briggs of Champa!” said the man in the golden boat. “I’m sure you remember me, I am King Hydros of Lemuria. You have my order of Psynergy stones, do you not?” He smiled at Briggs. “I am very curious about your son, there. How long has he been able to transmute stones into Psynergy-based crystals?”
“What? You…knew?”
“Know, Briggs. I Know.”
“How…?”
“I have my sources, one of which met you four years ago. He now travels with his friends in a ship like these.” He gestured to the row of military dragon ships.
The rage was growing inside Briggs. “It was Piers, wasn’t it?” he said through gritted teeth. “That dastardly cur must have been sneaking around! He’s a Mercury Adept too, why did he do this?”
“He doesn’t want personal gain from them. His dear friend Isaac can perform transmutation, too. Besides, aren’t we all Mercury Adepts? We can see through other water barriers your son can make.”
“Grrr…” Briggs pulled his sword, but was hit by a projectile of ice.
“Briggs, listen. All I wanted to confirm was that your dealings weren’t with either the private reserves of my own military, or the Necromages of Kibombo.”
“Do you honestly think I could sink… that… low… Ungh…” Briggs collapsed. Eoleo held up his hand.
“Ply!” he exclaimed.
Blue energy in the shape of a fairy showered Briggs’s body. He was up on his feet in no time. Briggs dropped his sword weakly.
The clatter of Briggs’s sword on the ground was followed by a shadowy ship’s explosion into the area. The fog lifted, exposing Lemuria’s main entrance gate.
Necromages in the shadowy ship started hurling dark balls of energy at Briggs’s ship.
“Aaaarrrgggh!”
Briggs’s soldiers hurled spears at the Necromages’ ship, which was not appearing to take any damage. King Hydros’s fleet aimed canons at them and archers rained volley fire at the Necromages. Blue fire burned from the arrows as they smashed onto the front decks of the Necromages. More Dark Psynergy as cast, and more soldiers fell to the darkness.
“Hydros, well met. I wished only to see your face one last time before I slaughtered you and these worthless pups you call sailors.” snarled one of the Necromages. He pulled his hood down and revealed long black-blue hair and piercing red eyes. He had a vertical scar running down his left eye. He drew a black blade and pointed it at Hydros.
“Hmph, so it is you, Castor. Why would you want to kill me?” King Hydros said, retaining his calm demeanour
“You know very well what I want. Give me the Stone of Sages, and I will spare your life.”
“Then you might as well take my life.” King Hydros stared at the ground. “You cannot have it.”
“WHY?!” demanded Castor.
“I do not have it.”
Castor knew very well that King Hydros would not lie to save his life. The Stone really was not there.
“Fine. I’ll look for another reason to have troubled myself to come here, then.” Castor sneered. He pushed aside his fellow Necromage and jumped aboard Briggs’s ship.
“NO!” screamed Eoleo.
Briggs wasn’t going to back down from a challenge. He held up his blade and charged…
---
“Sailing has NEVER been this peaceful!” exclaimed the blue haired sailor that accompanied the woman and Jared across the Karagol Sea. “Hey there, your name’s Jared, right?”
“Yes, yes it is.” He replied quietly. “And you?”
“Piers. Nice to meet you.” Piers took Jared’s hand and shook it. He was rather gentle for someone as tough looking as him. “Oh, and this lass over here’s Jenna.”
Jenna smiled. “My pleasure, Jared.”
“I’m sure you’ve had a hard time, haven’t you, Jared?”
“Yes, but this is all happening to fast, could you fill me in on what we’re doing or where we’re going? It seems like you’ve—”
“—kidnapped you? Goodness, no!” Piers said. “We need you. You may not entirely know it, but you’re a more special Adept than you think.”
“Why? I mean, why am I special? I can do Psynergy, just like you! What more is there for me to uncover?” asked Jared. He was getting a little more anxious.
“Look, do you remember what I did to blow away the Dullahan summons?”
“You-you beat them with another summon, you called upon… uhm… Daedalus, was it?” Jared said tentatively.
Jenna nodded and smiled. “Well, have any other summons come to your aid lately?”
“This one person, but he didn’t use up any Djinn. He came from a cloud. His name was Angelus…”
“We have living proof, then.” Piers said. He had a calm tone to his voice, but Jared could sense his excitement through his shining yellow-gold eyes.
“You’ll learn more about this when we reach Lalivero. The Great Eastern Sea awaits!” Jenna exclaimed.
---
Felix walked over to the kitchen of the cottage and made some tea. “Cream and Sugar, Lloyd?”
“I… Why, yes, thank you… Frank?”
“Felix.”
“Right.”
There was an awkward silence between the two. Maybe it was my fault; I messed up his name and everything, thought Lloyd.
“So…” Lloyd started.
“Yes?” Felix answered. He had half a smile on.
“Is it true that you are an Adept? Can you really use Psynergy?”
Felix didn’t answer. He only widened his smile. He stretched out his hand towards a dying flower. “Growth.” Felix said cheerfully. Instantly, the flower bloomed again, this time more vibrantly than ever.
“The wonders of Alchemy, I wish I learned more…”
“I can teach you for the time being, as you’ve noticed, I’m very bored and have nothing better to do than sit around and drink tea.” Both Felix and Lloyd chuckled.
Suddenly, there was a thud against the door. Felix did a double take and groped for his sword. He slung it on his back and opened the door. A boy in a silver cloak was lying in the doorway, apparently unconscious. His hair was dishevelled and black and seemed to shimmer slightly in the sun. Felix picked him up and put him on his feet.
“Oh… huh?” The boy groaned.
“Hey, kid. Are you all right?” Felix asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, sir, I lost my balance and collided with your door.” The boy apologized.
“You looked like you were running. What were you running from?” Felix interrogated.
“The merchants are after me. They think I stole something.”
Felix put on an upset expression. “But did you steal anything?”
“NO! I didn’t! I can’t understand why those no-good cheapskates think I’d take something of theirs. I want NOTHING to do with them” the boy exploded at Felix.
“What’s done is done, or well, what was thought to have been done, in this case.” Felix said. “We need to teach them a lesson.”
“Why resort to violence so quickly? I thought you were here to protect the world from misuse of Alchemy!” Lloyd protested.
“You don’t understand.” Felix snapped. “We… We have issues… with them…” Felix turned to the boy.
“You are the Adept named Rohan, right?” Felix asked.
“Yeah, I’m a Mars Adept, if you forgot that, too.” He replied.
“I am well aware of that, but thanks anyways.” Felix said reassuringly.
“Just to let you know before we start our fun, I’ve found four Mars Djinn hiding in Sheba’s Sanctum.” Rohan said proudly.
“All right. Tell them to stand by; we’re going to make it strong, quick, and unnoticeable. Draw them out to the fields and we’ll knock ‘em out.” Felix instructed.
“You gonna summon a huge Iris?” Rohan asked excitedly.
“That’s… pushing it,” said Felix reluctantly. “Besides, we don’t have enough Djinn for that. Let’s hit them with two Kirin.”
“Fine, fine…” mumbled Rohan in disappointment.
Felix and Rohan walked outside the cottage and met the merchants dead-on.
“Toy with them a bit.” Felix whispered to Rohan.
Rohan outstretched his right hand, palm held vertically. He clasped his left hand on his elbow crease and concentrated heat energy into his hand. Rohan smirked, his yellow eyes shining.
“Beam!” he bellowed.
A fiery blast of energy shot out from his hand and smashed the ground. Rohan, being rather short for his age, stumbled slightly, but kept his balance. The beam bobbed and weaved and singed a few trees. He held his arms still, finally focusing them at the merchants. The merchants had drawn their weapons and chased after him. His fiery beam had stopped them from further progress. Felix brandished his jewelled blade and in the air, it shimmered in a magenta hue, then made a swishing noise as it hit the ground.
“Legend!” echoed Felix’s voice.
His blade trembled in his hands as it generated a circle of pure Psynergy that locked the merchants in place. The sword blasted out bolts in the shape of the blade and smashed them against the enemies. Some of the merchants fell. Rohan could tell that the ones still standing were Adepts. Rohan smiled.
“O mystical beast, cloaked in flame! Lend me your power! Kirin!”
Rohan clasped four crystals of fire and channelled fire energy into them. They burned out into grey. Immediately, two flaming beasts that resembled lions, each with a blazing mane and rider, materialized and charged for the merchants. Caught off guard, the merchants fell to the beasts and ran off. As the beasts faded away, Rohan put the crystals back into his cloak and rummaged in his pack. He took out a diamond with a symbol and runes on it that resembled waves of wind. He grinned smugly and ran off in the direction of Sheba’s Sanctum.
“Hey! Rohan! Get back—” Felix stopped. He knew it would be too late to stop Rohan. Felix sat by a tree to relax.
Months ago, Felix met Rohan when he tried to steal apples off of his shop stall in Lalivero. Felix chased him off, but ended up backing off when he saw the Psynergy potential in Rohan. Felix soon learned to trust Rohan and revealed to him the truth about Sheba...
---
“How long will this be?” Sheba asked anxiously.
“Not long, I assure you, Sheba. I promise you, your stay on Anemos won’t be forever.” Felix said. He looked at her.
“But I don’t want to go!” Sheba burst out. “This… all of this… It’s pointless! We can’t go to war now! I don’t want…” She quieted down.
Felix turned away. He hated to see her upset.
“I don’t… want… any more suffering…” Sheba finally said.
“We won’t suffer so long as we have Prox, Anemos, Lemuria, and Vale backing us up.”
“No, you don’t understand…” Sheba was terribly distressed. “I can’t leave you! I can’t stand the thought of you going to war while I stay on the moon waiting for some ‘miracle’ to happen, watching you and the rest of Weyard clash with Alex’s remnants and die under them!”
“Oh, Sheba…” Felix held onto her. “It’s not like that. Isaac can tell you himself, this miracle we’ve been searching for…”
“Ah! Why are you so arrogant! Felix! Anemos can’t send a miracle! Why didn’t they send one when I was kidnapped? Why didn’t they when we fought Doom Dragon and almost slaughtered your very own parents? HEAVENS, WHY DIDN’T THEY WHEN I FELL FROM THE SKY THAT DAY I WAS BORN?! FELIX! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT THEY’LL SEND A MIRACLE NOW?!”
“They had no need to until now. I was always there, wasn’t I?” Felix tried to brushed away her tears. Sheba pushed his hand away. Sheba collapsed on the ground.
“It was never my home. Neither was Lalivero. You all were my home, my family.”
Felix picked her up off the ground. He set her beside a tree and leaned next to her. “The miracle they’re sending us now already lives because of you. And it is you again who will help us. The Golden Sun is a human power. Light from the Heavens is supernatural. You were the one who helped me and Piers when Agatio and Karst attacked on top Jupiter. You were the one who helped set plans to rebuild Vale. I am too much in your debt. I will repay as best I can when you come back.” Felix nudged her softly on the shoulder. She smiled at him, through tears.
“Th-thank you, Felix…” Sheba said, “but it’s always different without you.”
“Don’t worry about it. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Felix said, taking her hand. “Don’t be scared, they aren’t strangers. They won’t lay blame to you for releasing Alchemy…”
The two disappeared in a shower of light.
---
Felix looked up from his daydream, reminiscing on the past. Sheba, if you’re listening, you’ve done a good job so far, he thought as he stared intently at the Golden Sun.

[Aquamarine]

Yet another great chapter! Good going MD!

[Gardna]

Nice one, you seem to be talented -_-

[gsninja]

...Wow, pretty long chapter. Nonetheless, I'll say the basic things: good job, hope to see more soon n.n

[Mars Djinni]

I finished Chapter 3.

Chapter 3: Celestial
The situation was tense. No one dared to move. Briggs’ sword bit into the black blade of Castor. The two were as still as stone. Eoleo was shaking. No! This can’t be happening! I don’t want him to die! I won’t let him! Eoleo was thinking. His thoughts were as clear and as strong as diamond. King Hydros stood there, arms folded. He knew better than to face a Dark Lord with only him being the more powerful Adept out of all the soldiers. Castor smirked.
“Tell me, is it that you are just plain stupid, or are you shrouded by your stubbornness to the point of such pointless decisions?” Castor sneered. He released all strength on his blade and let Briggs follow through. As the blade reached an inch from Castor’s face, the black blade swung out. Castor had caught Briggs off guard. Clash after clash, their swords met with every move. They duelled fiercely. Neither was backing down. The plank that had barred Briggs’s ship to the Necromages’ ship was wobbling as they slashed and parried each other on top of it. A purple-black mist was emanating from Castor’s sword. He raised it, the edge gleaming with purple light. He brought it down, smashing Briggs’ sword.
“NO!” yelled Eoleo.
Briggs smiled. Castor charged again. Briggs jumped up top and drew another sword. He was back on deck and in complete control. He kept on going, slashing at Castor with all his might. Castor was dodging each hit, his sword arm retracted back into his cloak. There was a grim smile on his face. Briggs stopped. Eoleo was terrified at the sight of his father. Briggs had been placed under a wave of Psynergy. He couldn’t move. Castor stared with an insane smile at Briggs again. He raised his sword-arm, the fierce-looking black blade in his hand. He lunged.
“Ah! …oh…”
“…FATHER!!!”
---
Jared awoke with a start. Piers had set beside him a wooden mug filled with orange juice and a small bread roll.
“Good morning. We’ll be hitting the shores of South Eastern Angara soon.” Piers said cheerfully. He walked out to the deck.
Jenna was out by the mast taking some of her morning soup. “Piers…”
“Hm?” Piers answered, looking in her direction.
“It’s… Felix…” she said. “I have a feeling that he’s worried about Sheba.”
“Oh?” Piers remarked. “Why would he be, when the appearances of the Light Adepts have already started? Sheba can come home soon. That’s why we’re going to Vale after we’ve routed all four of the Adepts of the Light.”
“But still, I know he has feelings for her, but I can’t help wondering whether she’d be different.”
“You honestly believe in monsters on the moon?” Piers asked sarcastically.
“Oh, come on. Seriously.”
“I know, I know. It seems likely, but she knows that Felix is waiting for her, therefore she knows she wants to accepted by him in open arms.” Piers said reassuringly. “On the other hand, I found her a bit too paranoid, so I’m welcome for that change.”
“Felix is gonna kill you for that.” Jenna mumbled.
“What? It was a joke!” Piers remarked defensively.
“Oh come on, Piers.”
Jared walked out onto deck, too. He stared over at the sea. “I hear South Eastern Angara has a lot of alchemists working about.”
“You’re a rather intelligent one. Good morning, Jared.” Piers said.
Jared smiled at Piers. There had been a question going on ever since his meeting with Jenna and Piers, when they first revealed themselves as Adepts. “…Does the Stone of Sages exist?” he questioned.
“Uhm…” Piers stammered.
“Well…” Jenna started. “Yes, it does. Our good friend Isaac created it. It is incomplete, though. It needs one last thing, something that all four of the Light Adepts, you being one of them, are going to have to give.”
“Isaac knows the exact details. We need to recover Sheba and then march off to Vale, where we will conduct the transmutation.” Piers clarified.
Jared thought to himself. I’m a Light Adept? Is that what makes me special? Jared didn’t know what to think or say. He had never felt Light Psynergy at all. He would have never guessed.
“What’s wrong? Is there something you’d like to know about the plan?” Piers asked a tentative Jared.
“It doesn’t seem right. An complete Stone can still be overused, how do I know you’re all not using it for evil?”
“If something is tainted with Light, Darkness will never overcome it. That is what we believe.” Jenna answered.
There was a sudden stop.
“What’s going on?” Jared asked.
“Oh, no. We’re being overrun by Darklings.” Jenna sighed.
“We’re what?”
“Darklings are swarms of dark energy transformed into monsters. They can infect other monsters and charge their power. The only way to fight this is with light.”
“But I don’t know how to summon light!” Jared helplessly cried.
“I know it’s hard, but you have to find a way to do it!” Jenna called out. It would be best to use her Psynergy telepathically, to give Jared peace and concentration. She brandished her staff and a powerful orange beam shot out, which singed some of the Darklings, resembling bats. They still remained persistent. More monsters spawned when others fell.
“Jenna! Don’t pressure him! He hasn’t awoken to his powers!” Piers scolded.
The Darklings kept coming, more and more. The ship was in grave peril. If they all covered the ship, it would be pulled under. Piers was steering the ship with Psynergy so that it would control its balance.
“The Wings!” Jenna cried.
Darklings were clinging onto the wings of the ship. It balanced the ship, but was breaking the wings off. Jenna fired a few more beams, while Jared just stayed there near the door, focusing all Psynergy he had in him.
“Ahhh…” Jenna was out of Psynergy. The Darklings sped out toward her and attacked her. There was a huge crash. Piers released his Psynergy in surprise. The ship teetered as the starboard wing was torn in half. The broken pieces instantly vanished like wind. Piers collapsed.
Jared was on the verge of death. His fellow Adepts have fallen. He was going to die. “No, I can’t die here! Not now! I still have to find my meaning in this…world…” He stopped.
A light shone in the west. It came closer and took the appearance of a woman in flowing golden robes. There was a mystical beauty about her, but sadness took up about a half of her emotions. She was adorned with a crown of what looked like golden wheat and had a staff that looked like entwined tree branches. Jared stared with amazement when she lifted up her staff. Rays of light from the Golden Sun focused within a crystal apple at the tip of the staff. They descended down on the Darkling Bats. They all were vaporised. The light brought Jenna and Piers up to their feet, reenergized. The golden woman disappeared in their midst, smiling.
“What… was… that…?” Jenna said sheepishly.
“That looked like a goddess!” Piers said, astonished.
“She spoke to me, in my mind.” Jared started. “She said she was Demeter, Lady of the Earth’s harvest.”
“I never thought I’d see the day…” Piers said, his amazement was ringing in his voice.
“It’s only in desperate measures that sleeping Light Psynergy takes effect.” Jenna concluded, also very much astonished.
“What are we gonna do with the wings?” Piers asked anxiously.
“We need Sheba to fix them” Jenna replied.
They all set preparations, recovered, and sailed off for a few days longer, only to hit land sooner than they expected. With cheers of success, Jenna, Piers, and Jared ran across the Champa beaches, they have made it. All they had to do was check the Trade Routes and march off to Vale, where Felix, Sheba, and their two Light Adepts would be waiting.
---
“Dang. That’s one huge Sanctum. I’m gonna have to work hard on this.” Rohan sighed. He stared up at the tower and the monument to Sheba. He was looking for a certain slot that would hold the Wind Diamond he had stolen from the merchants and would open up a teleport pad to Anemos. He searched around and found a groove along the side of a pedestal. He felt around it, landing on a switch. He pulled it. A diamond shaped slot magically appeared on the pedestal. He slipped the diamond in. The wall behind him trembled. He had a smug look on his face.
“This has got to be my lucky day!” Rohan remarked.
The wall fell back, revealing a white light. Rohan stepped in. What was inside, Rohan had never seen in his entire life. The room was dark, with a lone teleport pad in the center. The room was littered with shining lights, almost like stars. The teleport pad was shining red. Rohan stepped on. It sparkled for a minute, that teleport pad, but stopped. There was a faint roar. Two Dark Dragons emerged, their scales black as night and their horns a vivid mauve. They breathed dark flames. The dragons charged at Rohan, knocking him out. Rohan knew how intelligent Dragons are. He had to use Psynergy non-verbal. He blasted a few beams, sending the dragons back a few feet. The dragons looked scared of the fire. He pushed them back more. A dragon teleported behind him and smacked him in the back. Rohan got the wind knocked out of him and collapsed. From the entrance, the sound of soldiers was echoing through the hall. That same hall suddenly erupted in a dazzling light. There emerged a warrior with burning red hair. His armour was not like anything he had ever seen before, as were his twin swords. One named Deimos, the other, Phobos. The soldier picked Rohan up. The Dragons beating on him stopped dead in their tracks and backed away from the light. The soldier charged and high speed and planted his swords in the dragons, disintegrating them instantly…
“Unh… Thank…y-you… Ares…” mouthed Rohan.

[Saturos S.]

It's good, I've only read chapter one because it's bed time. :blink:

...

No seriously, I'm dead tired, I had a busy weekend.
I'll post my criticism when I've read the other (2?) chapters tomorrow.

...

It's really good, the wide angle on it makes it very intresting. I also like the link between the adepts and the greek gods. You could try other mythical things in it too cause that really made it good for me.

I merged your posts. Thanks for the update on criticism :(

- MD

This post has been edited by Mars Djinni: 08 May 2006 - 05:20 PM

[Mars Djinni]

Sorry it took so long. Kind of a rushed chapter, but I think it still has a good impact on the story.

Chapter 4: Hatred
Briggs’ body collapsed instantly. It slid a few feet due to the impact and was sprawled onto the ship deck; blood was everywhere. Eoleo’s screams of disbelief echoed across the white waters around the heavily misted Lemuria. Castor was back on his own ship laughing maniacally. The Lemurian army had been vanquished, leaving the Necromancers to pillage the docks. Hydros just stood there, Conservato at his side, in their Double-dragon ship.
There was something deep within Eoleo that was different. His emotions displayed hatred, despair, anger, and fear. Deep inside, however was a glistening light. Not joy, the situation was too tragic and tense for that. More like a feeling of hope. It felt like he was glowing, brimming with power. His sweating hands shook with all the feelings welled up inside him. The power hidden deep within Eoleo was screaming to be released. Eoleo staggered forward and drew his blade. He wanted to face Castor head-on. There was a flash of what looked like an insane, sadistic, cold expression of white-hot hatred on his face. It was quickly replaced by a calm illusion about him, as if in relaxed, but deep concentration. Eoleo lifted his two hands and formed a triangle. His hands glowed slightly and released a blast of golden light. The light smashed against Castor’s ship as if it were water. The blast had scattered like a splash of water rather than having faded with an explosion. It was a brilliant fusion of Light Alchemy and Mercury Psynergy. Eoleo, his eyes shut, grimaced with burning anger. He swung his left hand and shot out a shower of olden, diamond-hard ice shards in the shape of throwing knives. They instantly pierced the front row of Necromages, killing them instantly. The knives followed through and pierced the second, third, fourth, and fifth rows of the Necromage armies. Castor had truly underestimated his foe.
“Young boy, you demonstrate great natural mastery of Light Alchemy.” Castor taunted. “There is no doubt you will finish me with a summon. I presume you will send forth Oceanus, a Titan summon. I would very much love to see that.”
“What are you playing at?!” Eoleo screamed hatefully.
“It is none of your business what I have planned. You will find out when you die by my hands.”
“Never. I will never fall to the likes of you.” Eoleo breathed through gritted teeth.
“Wake up. Your fantasies will end. You’re a child.”
“Whoever said children can’t be successful?”
“Whoever said they could?”
“I’ll prove that they can!”
“You can try. You’ll only end up reddening the water like your father.”
“Neither you nor him knew what I am capable of doing.”
“I know all too well.”
Their taunts were as heated as the flames of the fallen Lemurian trade centres. Conservato and Hydros were still in the double-dragon boat, watching. Their ship was at cannon-point and it was wise not to move, or they would suffer defeat.
“Conservato, Don’t move. We can’t risk losing Lemuria to Darkness.” Hydros commanded softly. “Wait till the battle’s over. Do not look back at our city.”
Conservato had had enough. He turned around and watched in horror as the city’s outer hinterland area was engulfed in a dark maelstrom of flames and monsters. “Ah… our city… glorious Lemuria…” Conservato stopped dead. His eyes widened. His left shoulder pulsed and his chest constricted. “Ha… ARGH!!”
Conservato fell to the ground, dead.
“No, Conservato!” Hydros gasped. He was held back by Necromages and restrained. Back on the Merchant Ship deck, Eoleo’s endless Psynergy attacks were deteriorating the Necromages’ ship, Castor just standing there and laughing.
“Beat me by the sword and I will leave.” Castor said. Eoleo stopped striking the ship.
“Bring it.” He mouthed.
Eoleo drew his sword, custom crafted to be a fusion of a katana and a cutlass. He swung and twirled it in the graceful style only seen among the ranks of high-class Angaran soldiers. He was ready to take him down. Castor drew out his black katana, cursed with the power of evil spirits. His left hand flashed a blood-red ring and it shined with a sinister light.
“Don’t hesitate. Might as well look good when you DIE!” Castor jeered. He dashed off the plank and somersaulted in front of Eoleo. He lunged with the sword in fast but powerful jerks, each time being parried by Eoleo’s combination style. Eoleo was fighting very ferociously, as if the hate inside him as burning into his actions. He was too reckless, and was knocked down by a kick from Castor.
Eoleo crumpled to the floor. He flashed blue, and got straight back up. Castor steadied his hand and charged. He was fast, but not cunning enough to see Eoleo’s counter coming. Eoleo ducked, kicked out, pushing Castor back. He saw the ring in Castors hand and cut it. With a cry of pain, Castor tried to release his sword arm to relieve the gash on his wrist and middle finger. He couldn’t move his hand from his sword. To his horror, he saw the shattered pieces of the ring. He gave a cry of hatred.
“You are BLIND! You may be an adept of light, but deep inside, you burn with hatred. Hatred towards the Necromages and of course, myself. You cannot compete. Unleash the darkness in you. Let it burn within your soul. Let it consume you, drive you, make you strong. You know you want to unleash it. But the light is blocking it. Kill me with it. Kill me with the darkness and your powers will be set free.” Castor sneered.
Castor knew all along the powers of darkness can thrive within one attuned to the light. Darkness is an absence of light, and when light fails to touch a certain part of an Adept’s soul, it remains dark. That darkness is usually the negative side to the Adepts personality, such as Jared’s fear, Rohan’s disobedience, and Eoleo’s hatred. Only something pure can shine through their imperfect attributes. When the Psynergetic power calls upon those imperfect attributes, the soul is instantly scarred, and the darkness becomes part of that power. When that power is unleashed through hatred, that power will blossom into the omnipotent energy of darkness. A powerful tool, yes, but when used in the wrong hands, will generate destruction of all. Darkness is power, but Darkness is destructive. Alchemy was forced into a sealed state because of this. Most will have to pray harder to the Titans so that it may never happen again…

[Platinum Sun]

I've made it through chapter two and I want to read more, but I have a chemistry final tomarrow and I have to get to bed.

Three things I have to say though:
Good Djinn protrayal, they're surprizingly realistic.

You're really making me work to piece all this together with all these viewpiont fragments, but my brain needs a workout now and then.

Felix with an amused grin tending flowers is just something I can't envision. I don't know if that's my problem or yours, but it detracted from the moment a little. Felix just dosn't seem like the tea-drinking, flower-tending type. To me he's more of a "quiet reflection" type of guy. You know, writes fortune cookies and whatever.

Anyway, I like it so far. Keep it up!

[Mars Djinni]

Felix has nothing better to do until Sheba comes back, does he? (*wink-wink*)

Oh, and drinking tea and flower arangement (aka using psynergy lightly as opposed to forcefully) is considered relaxing and can be used as reflection. Let's not forget that Felix is supposed to have changed slightly within two-four years due to drastic changes in his life prior to teh release of alchemy.

[Platinum Sun]

Ok, finished five.

The whole epic battle between darkness and light thing is very dramatic. You just know one of them is going to go postal and try to kill everyone with dark alchemy. Using the greek and roman dieties (especially Phobos and Diemos) gives the story a much more legendary feel. King Hydros was perfect. Noble and unwavering in the face of destruction.

Mars Djinni, on Jun 21 2006, 12:05 AM, said:

Let's not forget that Felix is supposed to have changed slightly within two-four years due to drastic changes in his life prior to teh release of alchemy.

And I suppose Piers suddenly finding his funny bone is because his mother died?

[Somia]

2 words.
POST MORE.

[Mars Djinni]

I've finished the next chapter.

Chapter 5: Time
Kalay didn’t seem too far away from Tolbi anymore because the Kalay-Tolbi passes were cleared up. It seemed that in a matter of months, merchants could travel all across Angara and make it to Gondowan’s northern customers. But it seems that after Tolbi’s devastation, Kalay’s trades were not wanted in that area. Three trade routes were closed due to mason caravans being hijacked and stolen completely in just a single day. Lord Hammet sent Ivan to investigate. The only assumption is that it is tied with the sightings of evil monsters lurking about in major monster habitats.
It has been a week since Rohan’s disappearance. Lloyd arranged to stay at Lalivero Inn. Being the soldier that he was, Lloyd was offered a discount. Felix returned to the cottage after a day’s training. He was supposed to meet with Lloyd that day for another lecture on Alchemy and his travels. As he opened the door, which almost gave way and collapsed due to Rohan’s impact, Felix noticed the utter silence. Lloyd was gone. In his place was half a cup of tea and a small browned paper note. It read…
“Lord Felix. I remembered the last words of General Raymond. I worried that it might be too late, having it been such a long time. I fear that his family might worry about him. Sorry about leaving short-notice, since I’ve heard that Tolbi will be re-opening soon. I should be able to catch them on my way to the city. I will be come for a week or so. Sorry again, I was looking forward to the lecture. - Lloyd”
“Re-opening?” Felix mouthed. “It can’t re-open. I’ve heard that it was devastated to the point that nothing much could be salvaged… It can’t possibly be repaired in a week, not even with Psynergy! My house at Vale didn’t even get a chance to be repaired and THAT was just a BOULDER!”
Felix’s curious remarks led him to investigate. He packed his satchel with Herbs, a few nuts, and a bottle of golden water. He clasped the Teleport Lapis and pondered silently in the depths of his power mind, “Teleport…”
---
The Golden Sun shone brightly over the Northern Gondowan plane. Mountains from the north were silhouetted beautifully and added to the colourful landscape. As peaceful as it seems, this region was at war only days ago.
The white walls shone peacefully and the golden rooftops glowed with such radiance. In the backdrop was the legendary Colosso Stadium, remodelled for the coming year. Tolbi. No one who has never been in this area before would realize the pain that the city has suffered in recent times.
There was an eerie maelstrom of blue and yellow light as Felix teleported into the grounds of Tolbi. Looking around in awe at the reconstructed city, he wondered aloud, “What could have done this?”
“You mean WHO could have done this, don’t you?” a voice from behind him echoed. It was an arrogant voice, a voice like that of a teenager. It sounded unusually strong, serious, and convincing. The voice’s owner was a force to be reckoned with.
“You?” Felix turned around.
“Yes, me. Now who are you to be wandering in this city?!” the voice’s owner responded ferociously. Felix, perplexed by his harsh words took a look at him. Sure enough, he was a teenager, a young one at that. About fourteen or fifteen, he was.
His short black-blue hair was spiked upward, giving him a tough, ****y appearance. The boy’s eyebrows slanted inward, pointing at his nose in an angered expression. He gazed at Felix with his bright yellow eyes. The boy was wearing a dark green shirt and beige pants. His distinct feature was a black leather overcoat that was trimmed with gold. Judging by the purity and shine of the gold, it was transmuted from a common metal and turned into thread. As Felix scanned the trimming, he realized that this boy would have to be a powerful Alchemist, let alone Adept.
“Answer me.” The boy demanded.
“Have you not any respect?” Felix questioned.
“Not towards intruders to this city, I don’t. Now stand aside before I crush you.”
“You don’t understand, I was merely—”
“Shut up. Draw your oh-so-legendary-sword and fight like the man that you’re not!”
“In wouldn’t hurt you no matter what you say. You are a child. An Adept. I know what happens when children are hurt. You don’t know how much pain I’ve gone through.” Felix said, his voice shaking.
“Oh, I sure as hell know.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because of your distraction, my father was killed in the Suhalla.”
“Distraction? I don’t think you understand. I wasn’t with the group that killed your father.”
“I told you to shut up and quit acting like it’s not your FAULT!” the boy growled.
The boy slid a katana out from his cloak. It shined with a navy blue aura. He swung the sword in a graceful arc. The strike was dead-on precise and just as fast as it was accurate. Felix staggered backward, blood streaming from his chest. His leather armour was cleaved straight in half. But it was a glancing hit, just to egg Felix on. The boy wasn’t intending to kill Felix so soon. The cut wasn’t deep, just enough to draw blood.
“ENOUGH!” called a hasty voice.
A spear soared straight from the horizon and aimed straight at the boy. He held his katana vertically straight and let the spear glide down at him. The spear instantly got cleaved in half.
“I hear you, Lloyd. What’s biting you this time, you old god-forsaken—”
“Don’t you dare talk to me that way.” Lloyd emerged in the direction of a sentry tower. “Just ‘cause I’m not your father doesn’t mean you can mistreat me.” Lloyd stood between Felix and the boy.
“I couldn’t care less about who you are. As long as you step aside and let me cut that man up.”
“Hear me out. That man was the not the one who killed your father. He is one of the good Adepts.”
“He is still an Adept. He could have saved my father. But he didn’t. He watched him die, didn’t he?” The boy was shaking. “I will kill him. And you too if you don’t step aside.”
“Ah…” Lloyd hesitated. He remained in his place.
The boy clasped his hands on his sword’s hilt and stuck it into the ground. The blade of the sword was glowing light blue, as was a circular area around him. There was a blinding flash of light, then suddenly, a bright blue circle was encasing the boy. The boy’s eyes were now shining white. He reached out with both hands and the ground started to crumble beneath Lloyd and Felix.
“What kind of magic is this?!” Lloyd cried out anxiously.
Felix was still conscious, but very weak. He got up on his feet, as he was crouching before. He weakly mouthed out, “It is Time…”
“T-t-time? He’s manipulating TIME?” Lloyd shouted in shock.
“He… is reverting this floor… back in time… so that we… may perish inside it…” Felix mumbled.
“Felix. I need to tell you something. This is General Raymond’s son, Regal. He wouldn’t tell me how he repaired the city, but now I know…”
The world seemed to swirl beneath the two’s feet. They were already feeling the effects of the return in time. The ground was turning into the volcanic soil it had been millennia ago. Suddenly, the ground caved in. Lloyd and Felix fell into a deep chasm. It was pitch-black and hard to see. The ground was hard and rigid. The stones they lay on felt interlocked, but with an inch of another material between each stone. It didn’t feel volcanic at all, the last thing I saw was volcanic soil… thought Lloyd.
There was a murmur of voices. Audible, but the people were out of sight. It sounded like four… no, five people… fighting… using… Psynergy…?

[Platinum Sun]

A good transition away from the tea-drinking, hang-out phase for Felix. I can't wait to see what happens with this new time alchemist. Nothing else to say. Write on!

[Mars Djinni]

Chapter 6: Wisdom
Darkness. Flowing like an eternal river. Cold. Dark. Alone. There was something amidst the slow swirling of the chaos. It was green. It drew nearer and nearer. Felix stirred. As the green object became clearer, it appeared to be made of a large cloth and flowing in the wind. What was it? What did it mean? The pattern on the cloth was a zigzag pattern. Confusing. Two words came into Felix’s mind.
“I’ve… an…” Felix stammered. “I’ve an… I-I’ve… Iva… Ivan?”
A green-cloaked arm reached out for Felix. Felix took the hand and stood up.
Tolbi. They were back. Lloyd fidgeted and stood back up himself.
“Ah… It seems that the Time spell was disrupted before we died. But by who?”
A young chirp of a voice sounded, “Blew him right off the ground, I did…”
“You!” Felix gasped.
“Here, let me help.” Ivan said. He stroked his staff and pulled out four indigo crystals. They sprang into life, turning into Jupiter Djinn.
“You called, Master Ivan?” Their voices hummed in unison.
“I’ll need you guys do stand by, just so that your powers don’t interfere with Felix’s.” Ivan explained, taking out two active Jupiter Djinn. He reached out into Felix’s torn pack and retrieved seven gold-orange crystals. He concentrated energy into the seven Venus and two Jupiter Djinn and a vortex of wind encircled the boy. There was a shimmer of orange and purple light and Ivan reappeared with an astonishing aura of wisdom.
He had transformed his Psynergy into that of an Oracle, using the powers of earth and wind to see into the future. Of course, being that his power is of the earth, he was able to use Felix’s Cure abilities. He used them of Felix and Lloyd to make sure they were okay.
“Ah, looks like you’ve finally got the hang of it, Ivan. I thought of you as too young to master your Djinn-provided powers.” Felix said.
“You still think of me as a child?” Ivan asked, mockingly. “You should really get out of your cottage more.” He paused for a moment. There was a rush of wind. “Jenna and Piers are headed this way.” Ivan said.
“They’ve finished their task?” Felix questioned.
“Looks like it.” Ivan said. Closing his eyes, he created a sheet of mist in front of him. He summoned his wind magic and called with his mind, “Reveal…” The oracle’s abilities meshed with his, creating a Psynergetic projection of Piers’ ship. He looked around with his mind’s eye, making the image clearer. Sure enough, out on the deck were Piers at the wheel. Jenna was beside him balancing with her staff, her long purple ponytail bouncing around in the sea’s breeze. Sitting on the barrels was a boy that Ivan and Felix assumed to be a Light Adept, toying around with a few rocks, making them shimmer with light and whiz around Piers’ head.
“We’ll wait for them here.” Lloyd said, staring at the screen. “No need to waste our already dampened strength.”
---
The world of Weyard was a mask on top of its horrible past. Even though Alchemy was sealed ages before to protect it, the power’s absence really deteriorated the world as a whole. Now that it was restored, it formed a barrier to cover up the hideous mistakes. Each town was such. Including the once peaceful Vale.
Ever since it was rebuilt, Mayor Garet sent the city into an age of revolution. Trans-Angaran trade made Vale precious for its Psynergy stone commodity as well as its Academy of Adepts founded by Kraden and Sir Isaac. Mayor Garet, however, was mayor only in bloodline and more or less lacked the intelligence to fulfill the duties. Secretly, he had been working with Isaac and Kraden to put together his ideas and run the city. The only reason they met in secret was because Garet didn’t want to ruin his reputation.
The grass was rippling in the wind along a dirt path leading to a grand marble temple. Kraden was running about the temple, polishing it with his Psynergy.
“Master Kraden?” The doors to the temple opened, revealing a man with a flowing golden cape and glittering blue-silver armour. “All these things that have been happening… All these outbreaks of Darklings… It feels not even the Light Adepts will be able to fight them all off. It’s taking too much time. I fear for the worst, Master. We may not come out alive as we once did…”
“Stop with that nonsense, Isaac.” Kraden rebuked. “If you must be reassured, then we will speak to the Wise One himself.”
“No. Not after what he did to my family.”
“Isaac, I thought you made peace with him…”
“You thought wrong.”
“Isaac, what’s gotten into you…?”
“I’m sorry Master Kraden. I just thought I found a miracle. Looks like even the Wise One knows how to be wrong twice on the same subject…”
“Isaac, you know his intentions. He wanted to keep Alchemy away from evil doers.” Kraden spoke up.
“Yet why do I get the feeling that the evil doers now do not use Alchemy. It’s either that… or… Alchemy itself doomed our world forever, whether it is present or not…”
Kraden felt sorry for Isaac. He was once a boy with a normal life, but being a hero tore him apart. It felt as if the world was always on his shoulders - a weight that only kept growing as Isaac did. Only when Isaac slips and falls will the burden be released, but when it is released, it will fall upon Weyard and consume it like the darkness it was, is, and forever will be.
“It’ll do you some good, Isaac. Let’s go talk to the Wise One. Maybe he will have the answer that we’re looking for. Maybe he knows something we don’t. Maybe—”
“—Maybe the Wise One is just as arrogant as he hard headed. Who knows. At least we get some answer out of him!” shouted a man behind the hills. He had orange-red hair and was wearing white-orange robes. He had a sword at his belt and a staff with a crystal flame in his hand. On his neck was a chain with a crimson ring that would purify his heart should he ever touch an article with a demon spirit. Garet. Isaac and Kraden waited for him, and the three of them entered the great temple built over the crumbled Mount Aleph.
“Just like old times…” Isaac mumbled under his breath…

[Somia]

That was great, I liked how you described the Dijinns.

[Toasty]

MD, your work is great, very in depth, and a very intriging plot. But, your writing feels as though your trying to squish everything together and trying to put as much info in a paragraph as possible. All I suggest is that you add a bit more detail here and there, and cut out some stuff in some paragraphs to take and make new paragraphs. Other than that, your work couldn't be better. :P

[Platinum Sun]

I agree with Toasty. You're bringing out a lot of good ideas, but you're just streaming them all together a little fast and it's kind of disorienting. As a master of idle interludes, I can speak for the wonders they can do for a dense storyline. Good stuff, just spread it out a little, it's not a race.

[Mars Djinni]

Yeah, I guess I've been a little rushed to post my ideas. I really wanted to see how they would work. In future chapters, I'll make sure to pace it a bit. The "---"s aren't helping either, are they?

[Platinum Sun]

Yeah, the hyphen transitions have come to mean radical changes in perspective, or a big switch from narration to flashback or scene setting or dramatic exposition or car insurance commercial, you never know what's coming next. Not to knock your style, but that kind of wild-card transition makes it feel like the story is attacking you and you have to struggle to defend yourself.
Get into a little more detail, that way you can give readers more time to acclimate to scene changes. Having more in-depth chapters instead of just brushing by big ideas makes people less likely to forget stuff during long pauses between updates. Try it sometime. You'd be surprised how you can make a whole chapter out of a realatively small idea. Check out chapter Eight of my fic. The synopsis of it is "The Group travels to Aleph Basin." But it's like three pages long!
All I'm saying is, don't be afraid to be really descriptive. It helps readers to orient themselves if you make your scenes easy to visualize.
Wow. That concludes Writing 101 :P I hope you learned something valuable.

[Mars Djinni]

You bet I did. Now that my ideas are across, I'll probably start adding more description and depth. I just wanted to see how well I put into action the Djinn features.

[Platinum Sun]

The Djinn are very important to me when I write a fanfic and I have to say I was very impressed with your portrayal. In my fic, the djinn just disappear when set, and reappear when unleashed or set to standby. The crystal transmutation was just brilliant.
They don't have as much personality as I'd like to see, but Djinn haven't been that imperitive to the action in to story yet. (Though I did get a big kick out of "Master Ivan") You chose a very safe scene to test the water with your djinn. That oracle scene was a good idea however you might've logistically justified it. I think that, since it was a sucess, you should get a little more daring with them. (I won't be any more specific than that because I don't like to force plot ideas into writers' heads.)

Man! I must just be in a helpful mood today. I wish SoT were here, I always seem to be mad or high on Mountain Dew when I read his fic...

[Toasty]

Yeah. The way you protray your Djinn is great. And I'd like to see more manipulation of classes. My teacher described writting as reds, yelows, greens, and blues. The greens are the opening and closing of the Story/Essay (in essays, commonly opening/closing paragraphs. In stories, opening/closing chapters). Reds are basically the main parts of the story/Essay ( in essays, commonly paragraphs. In stories, commonly chapters). Yellows are the details of the reds (in essays, the sentences. In stories, the paragraphs). And last but not least, Blues are the fillers, the fine details htat make it a work of art, the stuff that gives the Story/Essay depth, and catches the reader. Lots and lots of blue is highly recomended, but too much is a bad thing. Keep this in mind. It's helped me many many times before. All your writing needs is a little extra blue. I look foreward to your upcoming chapters.

[Mars Djinni]

The blue and silver light of the Teleport Lapis is probably the Psynergy used most frequently. :P

Ah, yeah, and the next chapter will be a lot longer and less rushed. Due to what strode into my head, I'll need a lot less of those transitions.

I wish I could have all your English Teachers ='(

[Platinum Sun]

Mars Djinni, on Aug 3 2006, 12:00 PM, said:

I wish I could have all your English Teachers ='(

No. No you do not. I didn't learn everything I know because of my english teachers, I learned it in spite of them.

[Toasty]

A lot of the stuff I learned was from my english teachers, but a lot of it I didn't need. For instance, pre-writing. I don't always do that, because most of the time it's easier for me to just start writing. Besides that, my english teachers were always on my case for late work. I hate writing, but I'm good at it.

[Mars Djinni]

Some (if not most) parts of this fanfiction seem a little confusing, right? That's probably 'cause I just jump in and write. Planning's always been tedious for me, but it helps when I need it.

[Platinum Sun]

You don't have to plan that in-depth. Nor do you have to stick religiously ot the plan you make. My original rough draft was a paragraph log and calls for eleven chapters. I'm on chapter eight and I haven't even done and Alex POV yet!
I don't know about you, but having a good idea where the story is going really keeps it in line.

The same thing is happening to both of us, I can see it in your style. Great ideas occur to you while you're writing, so you just jam them in there. My advice: Take a deep breath, and rough out each chapter in your mind before you write. At the planning stage, do not go in to detail, that's what makes planning seem so tedius. Get a clear Idea for a chapter that can be summarized in maybe a few sentences. As long as your story has direction, all your details and new ideas will fall into place.

You don't need to make a full rough draft, that's just extra work. Take my outline of Chapter three for example.
Here is the outline verbatem, exactly as it appears in my notebook:
"Felix and Isaac debate about their course of action. Isaac goes to get Mia at the Fortress."
That's it! That little thing turned into an eight-paragraph chapter!
You can have a lot of twists and turns in the middle, but as long as the line still goes from point A to point B, you won't lose people.
I jump in and write too! I can never think beyond my next sentence, the Ideas for the next one just come to me as I'm typing the one I'm on. That is the purest form of creativity, so don't stop writing like that! Just point yourself in a direction when you start, so your ideas and plot complications will mesh with your storyline to enhance and excentuate it, rather than draging readers' attention away from it.

Woah. I think I've learned more from writing my fanfic than in my three years of high school english.

[FlamingDuck]

Hmmmm...I like this so far, whens the next thingy coming out?
Just one thing. I always thought of Psynergy being more of a thing that was shouted, not muttered. But thats just a teensy detail. Keep up the good work.

[Mars Djinni]

Psynergy needs total cotnrol over your mind. You can yell it, but you're only distracting yourself. It's either muttered if there's a lack of concentration, or if the mind is celar enough, forcing the psynergy trhough your midn should have an equal if not better effect. That's just me.